The beginning of a new relationship (whether it’s romantic or platonic) is always filled with happiness, hope, and excitement for what’s to come. When you meet someone you immediately connect with, all you want to do is get to know them and grow closer to them. But the sad truth is, feelings like this don’t always last. Sometimes you fall in love with someone only to fall out of love with them just as quickly. And more often than not, those you once thought would be in your life forever end up as little more to you than strangers over time.
Have you ever had a close relationship in your life end because you’ve lost interest in them or they’ve lost interest in you? Is there an important relationship you’re worried might be in danger of falling apart because the other person no longer feels as strongly for you as they once did? Here are 10 tell-tale signs that can help you figure out whether or not someone is losing interest in you:
1. They talk to you less.
Think back on your last few conversations with this person. Do you still talk to them as much as you used to? Or have you noticed them being a lot more quiet and reserved around you lately? When our interest in someone fades, we feel less attached to them and less inclined to involve them in our lives. We stop telling them things, sharing news with them, or divulging our secrets to them because we just don’t feel as close to them as we once did (Collins & van Dulmen, 2006).
2. They act differently around you.
Another clear sign that someone is losing interest in you is if they start to act differently around you. They can either be more dismissive and aloof, or awkward and tense. But either way, it means that something in your relationship has changed and they don’t know how to be around you anymore. They may act more distant and casual about your friendship, or they may suddenly become polite and obliging, losing their usual sense of humor and playfulness.
3. They don’t reach out anymore.
When your friend or significant other stops making an effort to keep in touch with you, it means that they are no longer as invested in the relationship as they used to be (Johnson, et al., 2004). They don’t text you or call you first; they never initiate contact or plan things for you to do together; and sometimes they even disappear for days on end without a warning or an explanation. Does that sound like someone who’s still interested in maintaining a relationship with you? Definitely not!
4. They stop asking questions.
It’s in our nature to be curious and inquisitive about the people we’re interested in, whether it’s our friends, family members, or romantic partners. So if you notice someone special in your life has stopped asking you questions lately, it may mean that they no longer feel you are worth their time and attention. They don’t ask you about your day or how you’re feeling, and they don’t seem to care about what you want to do or what you think about something (Sailor, 2013).
5. They’re no longer responsive.
You tell them something amazing has just happened to you, and they simply nod. You text them a long, heartfelt message pouring out your feelings to them and they leave you on read. You invite them to an important event you’re planning and they don’t even show up. Do any of these things sound familiar to you? A lack of responsiveness such as this is very telling that someone is losing interest in you. They don’t return your calls/messages, they cut your conversations short, they answer you vaguely, and they always act like they’re in a hurry to leave you.
6. They stop making an effort.
When someone stops making an effort to see you and keep you in their life, they are sending you a message that they no longer want a relationship with you (Lopez-Cantero & Archer, 2020). They don’t make time to see you or talk to you anymore because they aren’t as invested in the relationship as they used to be. So if you start to feel that you are the only one holding on, then it may be time to stop trying and let go of this person.
7. They cancel and make excuses.
In our previous article, “8 Signs You Aren’t Their Priority”, we talked about how canceling on someone at the last minute and making excuses for it conveys not only a lack of respect and consideration but also a lack of interest. So when someone often cancels on even the most important plans (despite the fact that you’ve repeatedly told them about it ahead of time), you know that they just don’t care about you or your feelings as much as they do about their own fun and excitement. And in their eyes, they can’t get that from you anymore so they’ve lost interest.
8. They make other plans.
Have you ever called up your best friend or significant other and asked them to hang out, only to discover that they’ve already made plans with someone else? Yikes! When this happens, it can be difficult not to feel hurt, jealous, or betrayed. And while there’s nothing wrong with spending time with other important people in your life, if this person is starting to make you feel excluded lately and leaving you out of all their plans, it may mean that they are no longer interested in you (Lee, Dove, Agnew, Korn, & Mutso, 2010).
9. They prioritize other people.
Because we now live in the day and age of social media, it’s not hard to find out what our friends are up to when we’re not with them. Did your friend ever turn down an invitation for you to spend time together because they were “too busy”, only for you to later discover that they were actually with someone else? They tell you that they can’t see you because of this and that, but somehow they always seem to find a way to spend time with everyone else who matters to them. Just goes to show maybe they no longer consider you an important person in their life (Rodriguez & Fincham, 2013).
10. They’ve found someone else.
Finally, but perhaps most importantly, when your friend or partner finds someone else who catches their interest, that’s a definite sign that you no longer have it. Does it seem like they enjoy spending time with this person more than you? Do they look happier and have more fun with them than they do when you’re together? It’s painful to see the person we love (be it romantically or platonically) move on with someone else, but if they no longer want to be with you then it’s only right for you to set them free.
In the end, it’s incredibly difficult to admit to ourselves that someone we care so much about may no longer feel the same way about us. But you deserve better than to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You deserve so much more than a relationship where you’re the only one making an effort, where the other person no longer cares if you leave or stay. Having a relationship end is never easy, but you deserve to feel loved and appreciated. So let go of the people holding you back from that and make room in your life for bigger and better things to come.
- Collins, A., & van Dulmen, M. (2006). Friendships and Romance in Emerging Adulthood: Assessing the Distinctiveness in Close Relationships. Journal of Social Psychology, 24 (12), 205-216.
- Johnson, A. J., Wittenberg, E., Haigh, M., Wigley, S., Becker, J., Brown, K., & Craig, E. (2004). The Process of Relationship Development and Deterioration: Turning Points in Friendships That Have Terminated. Communication Quarterly, 52 (1), 54-67.
- Sailor, J. L. (2013). A Phenomenological Study of Falling Out of Romantic Love. Qualitative Report, 18, 37.
- Lopez-Cantero, P., & Archer, A. (2020). Lost without you: the Value of Falling out of Love. Ethical Theory and Moral Practice, 1-15.
- Lee, B., Dove, N. L., Agnew, C. R., Korn, M. S., & Mutso, A. A. (2010). Predicting nonmarital romantic relationship dissolution: A meta‐analytic synthesis. Personal Relationships, 17(3), 377-390.
- Rodriguez, A. E., Hall, J. H., & Fincham, F. D. (2013). What predicts divorce and relationship dissolution?. In Handbook of divorce and relationship dissolution (pp. 101-128). Psychology Press.