Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional advice but general guidance. We advise you to always listen to your intuition and do what is right for you.
Is the spark in your relationship lost somewhere?
Do you feel distant from your partner?
It’s as if you are like the two like poles of the magnet repelling each other. No matter how much you try to get along: you don’t fit in with each other anymore.
When you grow, mature and enter different stages in life, you transform. Change within you changes your relationships with others. And your transformation sometimes requires letting go of the people you hold most dear because you are no longer compatible with one another.
According to one study published in 2017 from the third National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles looking at British couples who were married or living together, 39% of men and 36% of women cited growing apart as the reason why their relationship ended. Growing apart or outgrowing your relationship is simply losing interest in someone because you are older and more mature.
So, let’s jump into the 10 signs, you have outgrown your relationship.
1) Your body knows it all
Do you come back feeling tired after meeting your partner? Do you have more headaches than usual and keep missing out on your good night sleep? Maybe your gut keeps telling you that something is off.
If you experience any of these and can’t think of any obvious reasons, it could mean your relationship is draining you. It is surprising how your body knows what is wrong even before you know it. You spend time with your beloved to relax and enjoy but, if that isn’t the case, then it might be the time you sit down and communicate with your partner to know what went wrong.
2) You can’t speak your mind
I just don’t feel like sharing anymore. Ever felt that way?
Back in time, you would be excited to share nearly everything with your partner: your achievements, your flaws, your downfalls. But now, you hesitate to open up to them and have slowly drawn back to your shell. This could be because you feel they don’t reciprocate your joy and that they can no longer understand you and you can’t relate to them. Your emotional growth and shift in your values and opinions have made it difficult to understand each other. And so, you can’t express yourself.
3) Not on the same wavelength
“You don’t get me”. Has any of your conversations with your significant other ended like this?
Your lives are like parallel lines now, both growing in the same direction to be better versions of yourselves but not intersecting anywhere.
You find it difficult to relate and connect with them now. At the start, your partner would know what was on your mind even before you said it out loud. But, now, your beliefs are mismatched. Your priorities and values no longer align with one another. And, you both have grown as a person in different ways so, you fail to understand each other. Ultimately, feeling as if you don’t know your partner anymore. While such transition is natural and normal, it means you both may not be compatible with each other like before. Maybe it’s time you confront your partner or let go of them if it doesn’t work out between you two.
4) I do but maybe not
Did you make a list about whether you should stay with your partner or leave them? What was the outcome?
If there are more reasons to leave them, then maybe it’s a sign you have outgrown your relationship. The difference in opinions and the lack of empathy and connection makes you doubt your relationship. There’s also a possibility you notice some reasons not pausable enough to leave your partner. But rather petty or merely excuses. Because, unconsciously, we make efforts to stay away from someone or something we wish to avoid. And if you clicked on this article, you might secretly be doubting if your relationship would last (or you just like reading psych2go content. Anyways appreciate you reading it. )
5) You keep picking fights
Tugging a rope is necessary to test its endurance and flexibility, but pulling it too much would only snap and break it.
Relationships follow the same pattern. Having disagreements and fights in a relationship is a healthy sign that it will last longer. But constantly fighting over anything and everything increases the tension in the relationship. Lisa Bahar, a licensed marriage and family therapist says that frequently fighting over trivial matters may be a way to pick a fight about a deeper issue. Or that you might be feeling as though you want to leave or want them to leave you. So, why don’t you sit back, replay your arguments to comprehend the reasons behind them and delicately communicate with your partner?
6) No heart to heart conversations
Those times when you could talk to them about anything for hours. Is it a thing of the past?
The conversations you have now feel forced and awkward. Back then, communicating was effortless and natural, but now you have to consciously try and think of ways to strike a dialogue with your partner. Not only do the conversations feel less intimate but also monotonous, lacking depth and energy. And so, the charm of those cosy conversations has faded. You could try talking to them about this. Because time spent with your beloved can be boring if you can not relate to them and have grown apart.
7) The spark is lost
Your partner: Shall we hang out at our usual place in the evening?
You: Sorry! I will be working till late today.
Ever made such excuses to skip out on the plans your partner makes?
Going on a drive, watching movies together, or even just spending time cuddling with your partner. It was fun hanging out with them but, it just doesn’t hit the same way anymore. Activities you used to enjoy together before don’t excite you. So, knowingly or, unknowingly you end up making excuses and cancelling on them. Such change in your preferences and interests is natural as you grow. Still, it can disturb your relationship when you both grow to have different values and interests and eventually become incompatible. So, being mindful of the reason you can’t meet up with them can be helpful to know if you have outgrown your relationship.
8) Cut it out, it’s embarrassing
Have you ever felt not interested in inviting your partner to the party?
You can feel ashamed of their rebellious and edgy behaviour and find them not as cool as they used to be. This happens because you have grown emotionally and have become a mature version of yourself. So, you subtly dodge being openly associated with your partner. And rather than feeling proud and eager to introduce them to your social circle, you feel embarrassed of their behaviour and choose not to talk about them. If this happens to you, then wouldn’t it be better to tell your partner your true feelings?
9) Net value is negative
What has your partner taught you throughout your relationship?
Is your partner contributing towards your future goals?
If your answers are negative, you might have to let go of your partner. Relationships go both ways. While you give your love and provide them with the necessary support for the future, you also have the right to their care and assistance. Relationships are meant to inspire and nurture you. And if your partner isn’t adding value and teaching you the lessons of life, then maintaining your relationship is costing you too much. So, why not try being honest with yourself about the state of your relationship and, if needed, set yourself free from it.
10) Living in the past
Not a day went by when I wouldn’t be grateful for having such a beautiful soul in my life. We were the perfect couple.
Do you find yourself recalling the good old days of your relationship as a justification for staying in your relationship even though you’re unhappy in the present?
Using your past experiences as a justification to stay in the relationship at this moment will only stop you from having a chance with someone else. Holding onto the past will prevent you from moving forward in your life. All the time and energy you spend reliving what is gone will not let you create a happy present and future. And you deserve much more than staying in a relationship that doesn’t bring out the best in you.
It’s normal to grow in ways that make it harder to relate and connect with your partner as you mature. While becoming aware of such changes in your relationship is not easy, accepting them and moving forward can feel much more challenging. So, we understand letting go of your partner can make you feel guilty if they have not mistreated you. It may even be heart-breaking that you start wishing to go back to how things were before. Yet this growth is inevitable and critical for stepping into a new phase in life. So, it is absolutely ok to not feel ashamed of your growth and apologize. So, why not take your time to embrace such change, effectively communicate with your partner and give yourself another chance at a relationship with someone else if it doesn’t work out between you two.
Before clicking back, don’t forget to let us know if you relate to any of the signs mentioned.
Truly appreciate you taking some time off your busy schedule to read this article. See you soon with more mental health content. Stay tuned until next time. Goodbye!
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