Every person going on a first date wants to make a great first impression. It may look easier to do so than to overcome a bad first impression or an awkward situation. In fact, it’s not as easy as it seems.
To end up with a successful date, there are a lot of things to be conscious of. By being jovial, punctual, and polite you might be able to leave the impression you want. However the conversation plays the biggest role. It’s the best way to communicate and get to know each other. People converse with each other to learn about them, what they like; what they hate, their ideas, opinions, feelings, also their life stories, funny moments etc. that’s why, we can’t find out all these things unless we ask questions.
So, asking questions is really important. Through this behavior, you show your date how much you care about them, what a good listener you are. Concerning that, in 2017 a research, was done by a team of Harvard psychology researchers, which indicates the importance of asking question and its upcoming results. The study’s purpose was to investigate the psychology of question-asking as a social phenomenon. They measure people’s natural rates of question-asking and explore how the propensity to ask questions influences interpersonal liking across controlled experimental settings and an observational field setting.
As a result, they said: Across 3 studies of live dyadic conversations, we identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking: people who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners. When people are instructed to ask more questions, they are perceived as higher in responsiveness, an interpersonal construct that captures listening, understanding, validation, and care.
They also found out that those who ask more questions during their dates are more likely to elicit agreement for second dates compared to those who keep on talking their own viewpoints and tend to self-promote.
Alright, asking questions is indeed great for dates but are all questions allowed?
All this can be easier said than done. There are a lot of types of questions out there. Funny ones, direct ones, interesting ones, emotional ones; while some questions are just awkwardly inappropriate. It’s very common to feel nervous and overwhelmed by the whole situation of sitting in front of a stranger or a person you’ve had a crush on and you finally got the chance to make them like you back. All that pressure to connect can lead you toward the wrong path of embarrassment. So, here we’ve got some of the questions that should never be asked on a first date.
15 Questions You Should Never Ask on a First Date:
1- How many failed dates have you been to before this one? You don’t really expect them to answer this question, do you? It’s a very awkward question to ask to someone you just met.
2- How many people have you ever been with?
3- Do you know my ex? He/She works in same field as you do. You are meeting a new person, which means you are now single and you are over your ex, so do not bring them into your conversation.
4- How much money do you make? This will definitely make you look like a gold digger.
5- Do you think about getting married anytime soon? You two are still taking the very first steps; let’s not jump into conclusions.
6- Do you want to have kids? How many? That’s definitely too soon to ask as well.
7- Have you ever cheated on someone? I know honesty is very important to make things work, but on a first date, it’s only going to be awkward, plus cheaters won’t admit it anyway.
8- Why are you still single? This question would make them feel as if being single is bad or a shame.
9- What was the reason of your last break up? This is very personal. Again, no need to bring the exs into the conversation.
10- Do you have a house? A car? What brand? This only indicates you are not looking for love or a real romantic relationship, but only for a partner who is able to financially look after you.
11- Do you have any STDs? Very awkward.
12- How’s your relationship with your family? Too personal, you’re not their psychologist.
13- Are you seeing anyone else? This is too soon still because it’s only a first date, you’re not yet exclusive.
14- How much did that cost you? If you like something, just give a compliment but never ask about money.
15- Do you always eat and drink that much? You’re definitely not going to make them feel comfortable around you.
On the contrary, you can ask simple questions about their life in general, what they want to accomplish, questions about their job, life goals, wishes, etc to show your interest and care toward them.
Here are 10 Examples of Good Questions:
1- What’s your proudest accomplishment?
2- Do you like traveling?
3- Where in the world you’d like to go to?
4- What do you do in life?
5- What’s your goal in life?
6- Do you have any pet peeves?
7- What’s your favorite food? Movie? TV show? Place?
8- What would your perfect vacation be like?
9- What do you value the most in your life?
10- What do you like to do in your free time?
To conclude, as a matter of fact, you should always be yourself. Faking things will only make it worse for you later on. Have fun and enjoy the most of your date. First dates can be nerve-racking, so thinking about questions to ask or a way to open a conversation can be really difficult. These tips only show you how to avoid and how to deal with awkward moments, and also to accomplish your goal for sending a good first impression that you need.