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Love Learned

26 Reasons Why You Are Single

As stated by selected Filipino singles

Photo by Ismail Hamzah on Unsplash
Thumnail
Photo by Ismail Hamzah on Unsplash

    Do you know someone who is still single? Have you ever wondered why that person is still single? Did you ever ask yourself “Why is he single? He’s handsome.” Or “Why is she single? She’s pretty.”  And if you are single, did you ever ask yourself “Why am I still single?” But the worst case is, have you ever experience being misunderstood because of being single? I for once have experienced it. People I knew said I’m “pakipot” that is a Filipino word meaning you’re playing hard to get. Pakipot can also be similar to  Freud’s defense mechanism of Reaction Formation wherein you hide your true feelings by acting the opposite. Whereas, they’re saying I’m too picky when it comes to guys, but really what is wrong with that?  So, to clear those misunderstandings I have decided to write an article about the reasons why you are single and this is for both people who don’t understand why someone is single and those who are single, for them to realize what they are doing to keep themselves from not having a relationship.

     Being single is actually a choice but it’s underlying reasons maybe similar or different across cultures.  Yet, on a personal level as I asked some of the people, I knew who are single. I found out that our reasons for being single (including me as I am still single) did not much differ. In this article, I will be sharing the reasons that I gathered from my cousins, friends and former colleagues. There are thirteen (13) respondents,  seven (7) males, and six (6) females and their answers have been summarized into twenty-six (26) reasons.

  1. Your parents are strict 

In some culture especially here in the Philippines, parents are conservative. They teach their children especially their daughter that, if a guy flirt with you don’t entertain him, even if you like him you should not show it easily.

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  1. You believed that if he’s seriously in love with you. He will bravely tell you so.

Because this is what your parents taught you or your friends, that a guy should be the one to tell his love for you. If he shows that he’s interested in you without saying that he likes you and want to court you, then that means he’s love for you is not serious.

  1. Your parents want you to focus on your studies first.

They do not want you to have a relationship while you are studying because they think it’s a distraction. They also think that you are not mature enough to handle a relationship and might do something that you might regret later. Hence, teenage pregnancy.

  1. As a girl or a woman, you want to experience being courted by a guy.

Being courted by a guy feels like you’re the most beautiful girl in his eyes. In the Philippines,  the modern way of courting a girl is that the guy will ask the girl if he can court her. Once the girl agreed to it, the guy will do everything to make the girl fall in love with him by giving her flowers and chocolates, singing her songs, helping the girl with her errands and taking her home.

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  1. You’re still not ready for a commitment

Being single not only pertains to not having a boyfriend or girlfriend but it can also be having a long-time relationship with someone but both still don’t want to get married.  If both of you are not thinking of tying a knot it means that both of you still want to enjoy each others company without the responsibility of being a parent.

  1. You learned from your parents that love should be taken seriously.

In Filipino, there is a saying that “Ang pag-aasawa ay hindi parang mainit na kanin na kapag napaso ka ay iluluwa mo”. In English translation “Marriage is not like hot rice that once you get tongue burn, you’re going to spit it.” Because marriage is sacred and if you have children with your partner, you must think about the effect on them if you decided to give up on your relationship with him or her.  See, 7 effects of Growing Up with a Single Parent on Youtube. In that video it discusses both the positive and negative psychological effects of having a single parent.

  1. You’re ready to settle down but your partner is not.

As a woman, if you’re the one who is ready to get married but he is not proposing to you then that is the major reason why you are still single. In this case, you can ask his plans for both of you.

  1. You’re still figuring out if you like the opposite sex or same-sex.

You’re confused with your sexual preference but deep down you probably knew who you want, you just afraid to show it. Take your time to figure out and once you do, be brave enough to show it.

  1. You’re still waiting for your ideal man/woman to ask you out

That is why when someone tells you that he or she likes you. You tell that person you’re still not ready for a relationship, your parents are not allowing you or you will say that person is too good for you. But if you’re brave you just tell the person directly that he or she is not your type.

  1. You’re looking for a partner that your family might approve.

I know someone who does this.  And my hypothesis is that it usually happens to those who have high paying jobs such as lawyers and doctors because the person I knew is a Doctor. The possible reason behind this is probably he’s family wants him to have a partner that matches his career status.

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  1. You’re still waiting for the signs if the person likes you too.

This I learned from my former colleagues, they said to me that guys are actually afraid of rejection. So, instead of saying their feelings directly, they will make the girl fall in love with them by complimenting the girl, giving her gifts and helping her if she needs help, again without telling the girl that he likes her. During those periods, the guy is secretly observing if the girl feels delighted on the guy’s moves. If the guy felt that the girl likes what he’s doing then that’s the time, he will ask her out. But if the guy has observed that the girl, doesn’t like what he’s doing then he will not pursue her, and he simply saves himself from the pain of rejection.  That is why my brother told me there are guys who simply wait for the girl to ask them why they do those sweet things? Because once the girl asks, there is a high possibility that she already fell for the guy but wants to confirm if the guy’s move means that he likes her too.

Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash
  1. You’re still not sure if you like the person.

This my best friend told me that, he is not courting a girl if he’s not sure that he wants her to become his girlfriend.

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  1. You’re testing how long is he willing to wait for you to say yes.

According to my friends for you to know how much a guy likes you is by prolonging his courtship to you.  So, guys, the girl you like might probably like you already. But she’s just testing you, so don’t give up!

Jessica

 

  1. You have low self-esteem

You have this irrational belief that you are not good enough that is why you think that if you tell someone that you like him or her and he or she rejects you then that will only prove that you are no good. This is applicable for both guys and girls. For girls, you tell yourself that you want to have a relationship, but no one is courting you because you think that you are ugly.  But it’s far from the truth because the reason why you are single is simply you don’t let a guy to know you better because of your irrational belief that you are ugly. Or if you are a guy, you’ll say that the chance of me being accepted by the girl I like is slim because I’m not worth it that is why I’m not going to pursue her.

  1. You still haven’t moved on from your previous relationship.

It’s either you’re hesitant to accept new love because you’re afraid of getting hurt again or you’re still waiting to reconcile with your ex. If you are on the former, I’ll tell you people have differences so don’t generalize that all people will do what your ex did to you.  But if you’re on the latter, trying to reconcile is good, however, you need to let the person go if he or she does not love you anymore. Know your worth!

  1. You’re scared to enter into a relationship.

Because of what you have observed from someone you know who gets hurt by falling in love too fast. Guard your heart but don’t close it, just because it happens to someone you know it will also happen to you.

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  1. You want to become a Catholic priest or a nun

This is the reason why you are not allowing yourself to have a romantic relationship because you knew that Catholic priests and nuns cannot get married.

Image by Christian Dorn from Pixabay
  1. You’re simply busy to get into a relationship.

If you’re like me who are working from 8:30 to 5:30 during weekdays, have graduate school during weekends and giving time to your passion such as writing and playing the piano. Trust me, dating someone will not that cross your mind.

Image by Christian Dorn from Pixabay

 

  1. You want someone serious.

When you accept love, you want that person to be your future wife/husband. So when someone said that they like you, you assess them thoroughly, you ask yourself does this guy can provide food on our table? or does this girl knows how to cook?

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  1. You’re too focused on your kids.

This applies to those who are single parents like my mom. She said she did not find new love after our Dad left us because she’s busy being a mom and dad for us. She also said that she’s already satisfied with us that she did not even notice that she’s a single mother.

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  1. You want to become financially stable before you enter a relationship.

This I learned from my former colleagues, they said that being in a relationship is expensive. So, they want to become financially stable first so that they can give anything the girl wants.

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  1. You’re already pre-occupied by house bills that you just want to stay single.

This is one of the reasons why I’m not entertaining any suitors because I agree with my former colleagues that being in a relationship is expensive. I’m already helping with our house bills so with my not so high salary it’s not enough to have a date with someone every weekend. Though, in our culture, guys are usually the one who pays for the bill in the restaurant. Still, I need money as I have to pay for public transportation when we need to meet in a certain place.  Yet,  I realized I deserved to enjoy my salary sometimes so it’s all about learning how to budget your money. If you want it, then you’ll find a way.

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  1. You want to provide your parents with a good life first before entering a relationship

This must be why you are focused on your career that you don’t give yourself some time to go out with someone. But let me tell you this you can still give them a good life in the future even if you are in a relationship, just don’t lose that goal and tell that to your partner as well you’ll be surprised by what he or she can help for you to achieve your goal. Sometimes, to become successful you simply need connections.

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  1. You simply trust God’s plan to you.

This is one of the top answers of the people I knew who are single. They don’t want to find love because they trust God’s timing.

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  1. You are simply happy being single.

This is what my best friend who’s a guy told me when I asked him why he’s still single. He said that it’s more fun being single because being single makes you free from the responsibility of taking care of someone.

  1. There are things that you want to do for yourself that you think you cannot do if you are in a relationship

This is where my cousin and I have got a similar answer. We both want to improve our personality, skills, financial status, and spiritual life before we enter a relationship. While my former colleague said that “Not that I prefer to be single, but I guess as we grow older we tend to appreciate life by doing everything on our own. Having the solitude with your own company can be very relaxing. You get to know your self more when you do everything on your own and not having to rely on someone. Being single has its perks and for now, I’d like to enjoy the company of being alone, being single and being happy on my own.”

 

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Written by Jessica

A licensed psychometrician and is currently taking master's degree major in clinical psychology.

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