Hello again Psych2go-ers! Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to tolerate some behaviors? Maybe there’s just certain types of phrases, behaviors, or habits that others around you have that just… don’t sit well with you. Having zero tolerance for certain negative or toxic behaviors isn’t a sign of being close minded, but rather, a fantastic telltale sign of your own beliefs and self-respect that you have for your own person! Identifying these behaviors is important to realizing the red flags that they bring up, and how we can raise our awareness and self-respect with understanding more about these bad habits.
Let’s identify together 5 behaviors a self-respecting person will never tolerate
1. Bending or breaking boundaries
As humans, it’s normal for us to have our own walls that we put up in order to protect ourselves. Some people have lots of boundaries, some only a few. Maybe you’re uncomfortable with lots of pressures from others for things you don’t want to do, whether it’s drinking, certain topics of conversation, or even physical boundaries. Maybe you don’t like to be touched for too long, or aren’t comfortable with some topics or unhealthy habits. Walls aren’t always to keep feelings in, they’re barriers that we can place in order to prevent us from getting hurt or feeling like others are trying to exploit our feelings or comfort levels.
Noticing when another person is disregarding your boundaries, trying to make you feel guilty or shamed about having them in the first place without trying to understand why they are there in the first place is a behavior that those with self-respect do not want violated.
2. Manipulative or controlling
Manipulation often comes in many different forms, and can be hard to notice at first. Do people tend to use your goodwill, or the kindness of others to their advantage? Maybe you do things for them because you’re scared of making them upset, or the consequences that might come with it. Guilt, fear, anger… all of these emotions are what manipulative people pray on. They may also use passive aggressiveness, threats, gaslighting, and more in order to take control of your behavior or emotions (Manipulation).
A self-respecting person can identify when someone is using others to their advantage, and goes out of their way to remove themselves as soon as possible, or to inform people around them of this kind of behavior, especially when victims of manipulation may resort to lying to defend themselves, or even the person that’s controlling them. This is why people who respect themselves are able to step away, and find value in themselves instead of having to give someone else the reigns to their emotions (Manipulation).
3. Emotional Abusive
Emotional abuse can come from almost anyone, especially ones that are closest to us, whether it’s from teachers, bosses, parents, or even other friends and family. Emotionally abusive behavior may consist of berating others, ignoring the feelings and emotions of others purposefully, and always putting one’s self above all others, and is all done for many different reasons Generally speaking, emotionally abusive behavior is sometimes used as a tool by others to stay ahead, and can even be a result of having lots of personal insecurities. Emotional abuse can also be a result of underlying mental illness, which raises even more red flags (Ayala, 2021).
Sometimes emotional abuse can be hard to avoid, as it may pop up in your everyday life. Understanding signs of emotional abuse and finding ways to care about others who you feel may be being abused is an amazing way to be active in avoiding tolerating very toxic behaviors.
Have you ever felt like you had give someone all of your support and or options, but felt as though they were constantly avoiding or dodging the advice you give them over and over? Do they ask you for help without really accepting any of it, yet try to ask you to do everything for them? Sometimes defeatist behaviors aren’t always about having low self-confidence, but also one putting themselves into a submissive state, often prompting others to want to help, even when they are unable to. This can cause frustration for some people when it’s obvious another person doesn’t want to improve, even to help themselves. (Sayegh & Penberthy, 2016).
Although this isn’t cause for dismissing someone you know who has a defeatist attitude, as, they may be going through depression or having severe difficulties, tolerance isn’t all about fighting against the problem, but also resolving them as well depending on the situation, behavior, and person. For example, if you are experiencing hardships at school, you may find it difficult to remove yourself from school altogether. Same for a difficult workspace or home life. Learning how to avoid, fight against, or help those who exhibit these behaviors can resolve it in many different ways. Be observant, Psych2Go-ers!
5. Narcissistic or self-centered
Narcissistic behaviors can come in different forms for different reasons. While categorized as a disorder rather than a unique behavior of some people, some individuals may put themselves up above others all the time. This type of behavior can either be Grandiose Narcissism, or Vulnerable Narcissism. Grandiose Narcissism are people who are very direct and aggressive with their craving to be better than everyone else, and always takes the time to show everyone. Vulnerable Narcissism describes individuals who develop and switch between feelings of not being enough, and feeling superior to everybody else (Firestone, 2017).
Knowing when you are seeing these kinds of behaviors in others and keeping your distance is a sign of someone who has tons of self-respect. Inevitably, when someone around you wants to take the time to put themselves above you, they are also demanding that you are below them. Give yourself the credit and respect you deserve!
So, do you think you may have more self-respect for yourself than you originally thought? Maybe you noticed a time where you stood up for yourself or someone you cared about against these types of behaviors? Or maybe its made you rethink the way you see others? We here at Psych2go would love to hear more about your experiences. What are some behaviors that you just could not tolerate from others, and that you found yourself better without?
Let us know down in the comments below. Thank you again for reading and supporting Psych2go. This truly wouldn’t be possible without your love and support. Feel free to also check out our channel for more!
Ayala, D. (2021, November 30). 4 Main Reasons Why People Abuse. Psych2Go. Retrieved from https://psych2go.net/4-main-reasons-why-people-abuse/.
Firestone, L. (2017, September 15). In a relationship with a narcissist? A guide to narcissistic relationships. PsychAlive. Retrieved from https://www.psychalive.org/narcissistic-relationships/.
Good Therapy. (n.d.). Manipulation. GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog. Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/manipulation#:~:text=Manipulation%20in%20intimate%20relationships%20can,%2Dkeeping%2C%20and%20passive%20aggression.&text=People%20may%20also%20feel%20manipulated,friendship%20that%20has%20become%20toxic.
Sayegh, L., & Penberthy, J. K. (2016). Group CBASP: Session 3. In Group workbook for treatment of persistent depression: Cognitive Behavioral Analysis System of psychotherapy-(cbasp) patient’s guide (pp. 37–38). essay, Routledge.