5 Biggest Mistakes That KILL Attraction

There aren’t many things that feel more exciting than being attracted to someone, except for somebody being attracted to you. When someone obviously likes you, it makes you feel happy and good about yourself.

So you naturally want that attraction to last as long as possible. But, sometimes we get carried away and don’t realize we’re making some mistakes while enjoying our new (or not so new) relationship. Those mistakes can hurt that relationship and diminish the attraction someone feels towards us. Or maybe, it can affect the attraction we feel towards someone else.

Whichever way it goes, here are 5 mistakes that kill attraction:

1. Insecurity

Would you say you have a high self esteem? Or do you sometimes get insecure about yourself?

Most of us doubt ourselves from time to time, and it’s normal and okay if you do, too. It doesn’t automatically make you less attractive. But, if you take that insecurity to a next level, the attraction someone feels towards you might be starting to disappear.

What others don’t generally like about insecure people is their constant negative comments about themselves. “Do I look good in this? Are you sure?”, “I’m not going to make it, I’m too stupid for that”… If you say things like these often, at first they might want to help you with your negative self image and reassure you that you’re actually awesome! But after some time, they could get tired of telling you the same thing and trying to make you believe they really do like you for who you are.

Even though it’s hard to control how you feel about yourself, you could still try to work on building a positive self image, and when you do, you’ll notice others respond positively to your new energy.

2. Jealousy and possessive behaviour

Have you ever heard people say how jealousy is a sign of a healthy relationship? 

Hopefully you didn’t take it too seriously, because not only is it not a sign of deep love, but it’s actually a big turn-off. If you’re being jealous or possessive – always calling your partner to see who they hang out with, going through their phone or stopping them from going out with friends or family so they could spend time with (only) you, your partner may feel like you don’t respect them and get frustrated with your behavior. They could also feel suffocated by the intensity of your lack of trust, and decide to take a step back.

If you find yourself dealing with this, working on finding the core of your trust-issues and trying to understand them could help you overcome that problem.

3. Being overly critical

It’s impossible to be perfect and do everything right all the time. And when we make some kind of mistake, it can be useful to hear what we did wrong or how we can make it better next time (even if sometimes we get uncomfortable listening to others critique us). So it’s okay if you sometimes critique your partner’s behavior, as long as you do it respectfully and with good intentions.

But if you’re being overly critical about everything they do, all the time, you could lose their attraction towards you.

Constantly listening to comments like “You did the dishes totally wrong, you never do it right!” or “That shirt looks so bad on you, I can’t believe you like it!” Could make them feel unappreciated and expect only the worst comments from you – which is totally not attractive!

If you try to keep things positive, emphasizing their good sides, you could keep the spark between you going on.

4. Spending too much time with technology

Do you sometimes find it hard not to check your phone when you hear a notification sound? And even though you say “I’ll just quickly take a look”, you find yourself still typing and scrolling 10 minutes after?

No matter how useful our phones can be, they often make us neglect the ones around us. And the same goes for all technology – spending hours playing PlayStation, watching TV… When you spend too much time with technology, others may see you as uninterested and unavailable. They might feel ignored and bored in your company, and the attraction they felt towards you might start to fade away over time.

If you feel something like this could be happening to you, try to put your phone on silent when you spend time with your partner, and show them they got your full attention!

5. Negativity

Do you know that feeling when you can feel someone’s vibe? If they’re vibing positively, you feel good as well, but if they’re vibe is not so positive, you don’t really want to be near them…

When you’re having a negative attitude, people around you can feel it and recognize it immediately. If you’re spending time with someone who likes you, surrounding them with negativity could quickly kill their attraction towards you.

As Laurel Steinberg, PhD, relationship therapist and professor of Psychology at Columbia University said: “Being too negative in a relationship can have many damaging effects on both parties and on the relationship itself. Negativity makes other people feel depressed, is a total buzz-kill, and can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Negativity also reduces libido.”

It’s clear you don’t want this in your relationship, so be aware of how you’re vibing!

Closing thoughts

Do you agree that these mistakes can be a turnoff? Did you experience being less attracted to someone for these mistakes, or are you afraid someone might be losing their interest in you?

Either way, relationships require both sides to do their part to make it work. By working on being the best person we can be, everyone can spot and avoid these mistakes, and keep the attraction alive!

Thank you for reading!
Written by:
Stela Košić


  • Rea, J. (2017, June 26). 15 Things That Are Killing The Attraction. TheTalko. https://www.thetalko.com/15-things-that-are-killing-the-attraction/amp/
  • Steber, C. (2017, December 11). 11 Unexpected Things You Didn’t Realize Were Affecting Attraction In Your Relationship. Bustle. https://www.bustle.com/p/11-unexpected-things-you-didnt-realize-were-affecting-attraction-in-your-relationship-7428641
  • Wolff, C. (2017, July 7). 11 Subtle Signs You’re Too Negative With Your Partner & It’s Affecting Your Relationship. Bustle. https://www.bustle.com/p/11-subtle-signs-youre-too-negative-with-your-partner-its-affecting-your-relationship-67899

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