Dating can be a scary thing for anyone. You don’t know who you’re going to meet, if you’ll like them and what could happen. It’s especially tough for introverts, as most of us don’t revel in the thought of socialising with someone who we don’t know. Introverts just don’t enjoy socialising that much. It can be exhausting and drains us of our energy. It’s even more exhausting when it’s someone you don’t know that well. Often, that can be enough to put introverts off dating altogether.
As an introvert myself, I’ve often looked at couples and thought, ‘doesn’t that look lovely’. But then in reality, I think through all the stress of meeting someone, seeing if you click and then actually going on the date. By the time I’ve gone through the process in my head, I’m already exhausted and have decided I’ll live on an island surrounded by dogs. But just because we find dating a little trickier doesn’t mean that introverts need to be forever alone. It is possible for us to spend time with people and enjoy it. It might just take more effort than extroverts. So, Psych2Go shares 5 dating tips every introvert needs to know.
I don’t mean draw up an itinerary for the date, just make sure you check your schedule for that week. Because introverts re-energise from being alone and lose energy when they socialise, it makes more sense to schedule a date when you’ve had a pretty quiet week. It’s not going to be worthwhile going out with your friends the night before your date. You won’t have had enough time to decompress and will probably be in a bit of a slump. If you get asked on a date, don’t be afraid to change the time and date to suit you.
2) Be honest
If you do get asked out by someone really extroverted and they suggest bowling with a large group of people, see a movie afterwards, and then to get dinner, you’ve got two choices. First, you decline and be honest with yourself and say that person isn’t for you, or you take control and be honest with your date. You don’t have to straight up tell them ‘yeah I’m an introvert, so if we could keep the date pretty short?” But you could just suggest a change of plan. For example, when they ask you to go bowling, follow it up with “actually, I’m not a fan of that,” or “I’d rather do this if that’s ok?”. You don’t have to go into too much detail to come up with an activity that you both will enjoy.
3) Focus on friendship first
Because introverts find it difficult meeting new people, maybe try being friends with someone first. That way you can get all the awkwardness out of the way whilst you’re friends. And if you do develop feelings for them, then it’ll be easier to navigate a relationship. It also means you’ll be able to get to know them at a more relaxed pace. Dating can be rushed sometimes and can be awkward. But friendships tend to flow more easily and can be more fun because there isn’t any added pressure.
The dreaded C word! If I’m honest, the key to most things in life is to compromise. If you’re dating someone who is closer to an extrovert than an introvert, you’re going to have a lot of different ideas on what constitutes the ‘perfect date’. You can either take it in turns to choose the activity, which means one person will be having a great time while the other wants to gouge their eyes out. Or learn to compromise. That way everyone will be happy. For example, go bowling but instead of going straight for a meal out, go back to one of your places and get a takeaway. Compromise really is key.
5) Don’t overthink it
Easy for me to say but honestly it’s true. The less you worry and ruminate over your date, the easier it will be. Lots of introverts tend to spend a lot of time in their heads, because they gather energy from alone time. And that’s fine, but because you spend a lot of time talking to yourself in your mind, your thoughts can start to turn negative. Overthinking can be a real pain and makes it a struggle to even attempt dating. The best way to stop overthinking is to get all of your thoughts out on paper and then tear the paper to shreds. Seeing the thoughts visibly leave your brain can be really beneficial. It’s also good to remember that everyone is nervous on a first date, so just enjoy it!
What do you think?
Are you an introvert? Did you find these tips useful? Psych2Go would love to know! Be sure to leave a comment below!
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Reinstein, J. (27th July 2015) 25 Dating Tips Every Introvert Needs To Know, BuzzFeed. Retrieved 23rd May 2018.
Edited by Viveca Shearin