5 Effective and Realistic Tips That Will Help You Deal With Betrayal

We have all been betrayed at least once in our lives. Betrayal is a very serious trauma that can affect our brains negatively. How? Oxytocin is a chemical that stimulates feelings of trust and love. Betrayal breaks that trust, resulting in a low production of this chemical. Just how serious is this?  Some of the things one can go through after being betrayed include: acting out, social isolation, insomnia, rage, disappointment, a loss of self-esteem and issues dealing with trust and emotion. You may begin to withdraw from friends because of how badly you feel about the betrayal. You could even grieve the loss of friendship and the person who you thought they were may be dead to you. Or you could slip into a deep depression for a while if the betrayal hasn’t been dealt with accordingly.

We are usually betrayed by someone really close to us. This could be our mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, best friend or workmate. It hurts. There is no denying it. Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne details a study that shows how betrayal and lack of trust, due to a low level of oxytocin, can influence one who has been betrayed in an effort ease the pain or seek retribution. Betrayal can be really harmful to you. It can negatively affect all spheres of your life in ways you can’t possibly imagine.

Just like a wound that takes time to heal, a person who has been betrayed needs time to heal. The initial feelings of hurt, pain and despair will feel like they will never end. However, over time, as you work through the pain, it will become less. And one day, you will be able to put it behind you. You may never be able to forget it, but it will not hold you captive for the rest of your life.

To that end, we here at Psych2Go give you 5 effective and realistic tips that will help you deal with betrayal.

1. Be Angry

There are many emotions one goes through when they find out that they have been betrayed. These range from anger to depression, hurt, and wanting to avenge oneself. Probably one of the most prominent emotions you will feel will be anger. Anger because they did something like this to you. You’re angry because you trusted them. Anger because it was uncalled for. You’re angry because you have another problem to deal with in life. Anger because your emotional state is anything but OK. You’re so angry because you loved this person and didn’t think they would do you wrong. Be angry. It’s human. It’s necessary and it will run its course.

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  1. my group of friends from last year turned out to be horrible persons. They’ve been really good friends for months, but when I left my boyfriend (who was part of that group) he and his best friend decided to have me pay and turned everyone against me

    The 8 of them waited for me to be drunk at some party and they all texted me messages like “kill yourself” all night long to see if I would do it, then they ditched me of their group and never talked to me again.

    I’ve never been so betrayed, I don’t know even know how to describe the feeling. Just imagine the people you love the most all shouting together “kill yourself” while smiling and laughing.
    I think what hurts me the most is that they all did it, the 8 of them, betrayed me in two days after we had spent so much time together. We’ve been together every day for 2 years, and they “eliminated” me in only two days.

    Now I’m in college, I’ve met new people, but I cannot trust them at all. I’ve seen a psy for 6 months, but I don’t see any effects so far. I don’t even know if I’m depressed, and if I’ll ever get over of this feeling. This is a horrible feeling…

    1. Your actions are not what the issue is. you might be dealing with the struggle of your idea of your own character. None of your actions, I assume, warranted such behavior. This is more of a massive character flaw in the group of boys & has nothing to do with your character. The fact they used such words as “kill yourself” while showing emotions of elatedness says they are dealing with internal wars of their own which they obviously suffer such much they wish their pain would die, which is projected onto you. Take from this that your actions and character are not at stake here, theirs are, for our Power is never Taken, only Given! I hope this helps

    2. Hi Ellie – I’m sorry you had such an experience, and hope that two years later you are doing well. If you’re still suffering from what happened, you’re not alone. I had a similar experience, though much less intimate, with a study group in university.

      I had very bad sleep issues, and could not join some of their work sessions which went from 11pm to 2am sometimes, but I did work very hard when I could. When evaluations came about, they collectively docked me over 10% of the grade. When I appealed to the teacher, he agreed with them without speaking to me. Ironically, I initially had very bad sleep issues because my father maliciously tore away parts of my life, and I had issues trusting intentions. I probably seemed off or aloof to the group, which is why they penalized me, but that was just how I learned to deal with not knowing who or when I could trust. So, trust issues begets more trust issues…

      But a group betrayal was much more acute than by an individual. It was a similar feeling, of having a group of people suddenly all turn on you, and only you. Given how horribly I felt and still feel about this event, I can only imagine what you went through, given your involvement was much deeper and longer.

      If anything, experiences like this have “torn away” my concept in what is and isn’t normal. It’s given me greater compassion, and also lowered my expectations for people and relationships. In general, this is a good protection. But every now and then, someone really bottoms out on even the lowest expectations. Which almost makes me laugh, feel sad, and rage at the same time – that even with such abundantly low expectations, people can still find a way to disappointment or dig the knife in. It’s almost impressive and funny, in a black humor sort of way. The depths that humans can hurt, betray, and disappoint each other.

      Vipassana meditation and faith have helped me deal with the crushing feelings of sorrow, and the resulting feelings of homocidal and suicidal rage, which as we are seeing now from the slew of mass shootings and opioid related deaths and disabilities, are not abnormal in this country. I have come to realize that my feelings are totally reasonable, given the insane and unreasonable things that have been done to me. Faith and meditation help me turn the other cheek, and not repeat what was done to me. Even though my outer life is full of suffering, my inner life has a small light which guides and comforts during the darkest times.

      I hope through your dark experiences, that you have also found an inner light. Sometimes it’s the only light there is.