5 Reasons Why Dating is Hard for Introverts

Dating can be hard for anyone. Its difficult to be in the right mood to meet new people, and even more difficult to be polite and not leave halfway through the date if its going wrong. Dating can be exhausting and would wear anyone out, and it takes a bigger toll on introverts. But there are some people who just don’t understand that. I’ve had many people look at me with a blank face when they’ve asked me to go somewhere, and I’ve said something along the lines of, ‘actually I was out all day yesterday and could do with a day at home to recharge, maybe some other time?’.

Having enough energy to engage with all your friends, family and the go on a date is difficult, but some people don’t understand why. So, Psych2Go shares with you, 5 reasons why dating is hard for introverts.

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1) Overthinking

This is my number one reason why dating is so hard. If someone asks me on a date I’ll be fine, but give it 10 minutes and my brain goes off on one. I start to question why they would want to date me, what if I make a fool of myself, what if I’m too nervous and a hundred other ‘what if’ scenarios that make no sense. Obviously if someone asked me on a date they want to date me, but my brain enjoys irrational theorising and that can ruin the whole experience. When the date actually comes around I don’t enjoy it because of all the ways I’ve ruined it in my head. Overthinking can be a real pain and makes it a struggle to even attempt dating.

2) Lack of understanding from partner

Like I said previously, I have tried to re-arrange a date because I just needed to spend some time alone. And the response I got was complete shock and a massive lack of understanding. He took it personally when all I wanted was time at home reading to recharge. Dating extroverts can be tricky, but dating an extrovert that doesn’t understand is even trickier.

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3) You don’t enjoy small talk

It’s hardly a surprise that introverts hate small talk. Socialising for introverts can be challenging, nevermind being stuck with someone talking about how unusually nice the weather is. Small talk is boring, unmotivating and sometimes down right dull. Introverts get energised by having meaningful conversations, we want to connect with people and expand our knowledge. But with small talk that doesn’t happen, it can leave us feeling unfulfilled and like we’ve wasted time. And dating is full of small talk. Before you can get to the interesting parts you have to go through the whole “what have you been up to lately?”, “wasn’t it cold last week?,” and so on. It can put introverts of dating altogether.

4) Energy challenges

Introverts gather energy by spending time by themselves. It’s just the way we are. But if you’ve had a busy week socially and a date on the weekend, it’s going to be tough to handle. Its hard giving up your alone time to spend time with someone you’ve potentially never met. And it can also take up more energy to socialise with someone you don’t know so well because you need to be paying attention fully. It can make dating difficult as some people dont understand if you’ve had a busy week, you’ll want to be alone on the weekend.

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5)  State of mind

As an introvert, I have to be in the right state of mind to socialise. And to go on a date I have to be in a fantastic mood, my energy levels need to be up and I preferably need the weather to be decent. Ideally, I’d like to be the perfect mix of calm, collected but also excited. I’m pretty sure I’ve never been all three of those at once but you get the idea. For a date to go well I need to be feeling my best, and so do a lot of introverts. Because socialising draws so much energy (and so does meeting new people) we need to be brimming with the stuff to ensure we feel great throughout all of our date. You don’t want to be nodding off during desert!

What do you think?

What do you find hard about dating? Have you had a similar experience? Psych2Go would love to know! Be sure to leave a comment below!

If you enjoyed this article then you may also like Why School Should be Kinder to Introverts or 5 Things an Introvert Would Rather Talk About Instead of Small Talk

References:

Jarvis-Gibson, L. (8th September 2016) 10 Reasons Why Introverts Are Terrible At Dating, Thought Catalogue. Retrieved 16th May 2018

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  1. I’ve realized I’m totally an introvert. The article just stated all my behavioral characteristics. And honestly, it’s hard dating as an introvert; this also apply to friends (making and keeping them)

    1. Yeah it’s difficult putting yourself out there and meeting new people when you just don’t want too. Being a introvert does make it hard to form new relationship and friendships, I totally agree.

  2. The earth’s rotation makes dating hard, gravity too, i think ill just give up……

  3. Obviously being an introvert can make social anything a challenge but I don’t agree that all those traits are those of an introvert especially small talk. I don’t like small talk because I see my time as incredibly valuable wasting precious seconds talking about BS doesn’t excite me but it doesn’t make me an introvert.

    My dating issues come from parents that never gave me encouragement or taught me how to interact because they were self involved. As a child I remember trying to get my parents to have people to the house or go out to see other people but they weren’t interested. I had a very lonely existance with very little interaction as a child making me an outcast at school. It wasnhg until I started working that I had made a few good friends. My parents we’re too hung up with their own selfish needs to even be bothered with me leaving me with low social self-esteem.

    Meeting people is the hard part. Overanalyzing because I’m not worthy is another problem, however; once someone opens up to me I can use my wit or intelligence to drive it home. I am effectively suffering like children that are orphans and have no connection to being loved. I’m gullible to people showing me affection because I want it so bad. Ultimately they let me down and destroy what self-esteem I have.

    I can go in front of a crowd and speak about things I have passionate views about which is another indication that I am not introverted and I’m very good at convincing people that they need to rethink their views but I couldn’t rent an auditorium and invite people to come hear me speak that would be hard. Well that and they wouldn’t have any reason as I have no reputation on the speaking circuit.

    1. Thanks for sharing this story Todd. You’re not alone and your story will surely empower those in similar boats.

  4. This describes me pretty well. Although for me I would add that those with well over average intelligence make this much more difficult. We also need stimulating conversation and this adds to the difficulty in finding someone. Fortunitely I found someone but only later in life.
    I don’t enjoy going out anywhere with large crowds. It annoys me. I don’t like to go to things such as concerts or social events.
    Thinking too much is a huge part of it as well. On top of everything else I am also shy. For instance, last Saturday my wife and I went to her company’s Christmas party. (Yes this was very late) As usual, I sat most of the time because I don’t know what to say to start a conversation with people I don’t know. I end up thinking of things to say but never say anything. I usually think of whole conversations and end up disappointed with myself for not trying.
    I also don’t dance. I never learned and am too embarraced to try. I feel like everyone would be staring at me and I would make a fool of myself.
    I usually get too far ahead (overthinking) in conversations and then get lost in thought. This is probably one thing that makes me good at problem solving. I am an Engineer in innovation so I am always thinking far ahead. It definately helps with my job but really hurts relationships.

    1. Thank you for sharing Pete, I agree it can be difficult to navigate social interactions and functions when you’re shy, especially if you’re an over-thinker. Don’t be so hard on yourself if you do end up sitting on your own, you know your limits and where you feel safe and comfortable and if you’re not ready to push yourself then don’t.

  5. Really good article. Can totally relate. It kinds of put it on perspective. It’s more f… up than it seemed. Wish there was a way out.

    1. Thank you for your comment, there is a way out if you find someone who understands you. Persevere my friend, I’m also here if you need to talk.

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