Asking someone out can be a daunting process. Your heart may be racing right now just thinking about your crush. You keep telling yourself that today will be the day you do it, whether it’s when you both have Physics class together, through a text message during your lunch break, or a phone call right before you head to bed. One common misconception about our dating culture is that the awkwardness and sweaty palms only happen in our teenage years. But, many adults can find it just as nerve-wracking and struggle with it. We understand how intimidating it is to put yourself out there. We want to help you practice being open and vulnerable. Psych2Go shares with you 5 ways to ask someone out:
1. Find a common ground.
Before asking someone out, it’s important to find out whether or not you two have something in common. Rather than making generic small talk, you can delve into topics that help you get to know each other better. For instance, you can talk about recent movies or books that made a meaningful impact on your life if you know that they have also seen or read them. You can also ask them about what their passions, interests, hobbies, and dreams are. Once you find something that the two of you share, you can converse with them on a deeper level, rather than having dead-end conversations that prevent the both of you from growing closer.
The first conversation my boyfriend and I had revolved around the book and film The Perks of Being a Wallflower. We met on a dating app and what caught my attention was how much of a thinker he is. During the first couple of weeks before we went on our first date, we never asked each other generic questions, such as what we do for a living, where we went to school, or where we grew up. Although those are common questions to get the ball rolling, I learned that they’re not required. Looking back, I also realize that we managed to accept each other from the very start.
2. Pick a safe activity.
Pick an activity that allows the both of you to bond and have a good time. Going out for coffee or drinks, a walk in the park, or a museum are safe options that aren’t too overwhelming. Make sure that the location you pick isn’t too crowded or noisy where it prevents you from hearing each other speak. It’s commonly advised not to go to the movie theater as a first date because it doesn’t give you a chance to interact as much, but if the two of you decide to have ice cream and talk about the film afterwards, it can provide the same opportunity and can even act as an icebreaker and give you something to talk about.
My boyfriend and I talked over drinks on our first date. I would’ve opted for something less traditional, but because our schedules weren’t initially as compatible, it left room for only occasional evenings free. In retrospect, I’m actually thankful for the limited time we had to spend with each other because we learned to prioritize one another and plan our dates in advance. That’s how I learned we valued the time we spent together.
3. It’s cliche and overused, but be yourself.
You hear this line all the time, but there’s a reason why it’s true. When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s not about constantly telling each other how great you are that it leaves you no room to be yourself on your bad days. The same applies to asking someone out. Avoid sounding like a salesperson. Instead, be authentic and honest. Let the other person know that you think they’re interesting and that you’re willing to learn more about them. Remember not to be pushy or forceful. After all, you can’t make someone return the same feelings. Respecting each other’s space and boundaries is important.
4. Figure out where you want to ask them.
In this day and age, we can text, email, or call our crushes when we want to ask them out. Asking someone out in person is also an option, but it may be used less often nowadays because of how intimidating it can be. Depending on how long you have known the person and whether or not the two of you have exchanged phone numbers, added each other on social media, or have mutual friends, figure out which method works best for you. Keep in mind that each platform has its own pros and cons. For instance, asking someone out in person doesn’t give you a chance to re-type a message, but it does allow you to see their reaction and their answer will be immediate, rather than waiting to hear back from a text.
5. Be brave. Take the leap!
Don’t wait too long to make your move. Seize the day. It’s scary putting your heart on the line, but you never know what may happen if you don’t try. Constantly letting your fears and thoughts well up inside of you will only allow your walls to grow higher. It’s better to take a chance than look back with regrets and what-if’s. Here’s a fun fact: if I didn’t make the first move, my boyfriend and I wouldn’t be together right now.
Do you have difficulty mustering up the courage to ask someone out? Psych2Go would love to hear your thoughts! Please be sure to leave a comment down below!
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Edwards, V. V. (2018). How to Ask Someone Out. Science of People. Retrieved February 20, 2018.
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