Hey, Psych2Goers! Do you struggle with sexual confidence? Maybe you feel self-conscious with your partner, or you’ve never had sex and feel anxious about your first time. No matter how experienced you are, today’s video will help you become more comfortable with your sexuality, which can play a huge role in your mental health and relationships. Keep watching to learn 5 ways you can become more sexually confident.
1. Know what you like
What are your biggest fantasies, and what are the things that turn you off? Taking time to think about your own likes and dislikes can help boost your sexual confidence. It allows you to communicate your needs to your partner and feel more at ease going into the experience (Scott, 2020). Whether you have a partner or not, you can think about what you’d like to try, and explore what feels best so that you help someone else satisfy you. After all, no one knows your body better than you do.
2. Communicate with your partner
Communication is key, especially when it comes to sex. To become more sexually confident, talk to your partner about your preferences and ask them what they’re into. The more you understand what your partner likes and dislikes, the easier it will be for you to satisfy them, which in turn can boost your sexual confidence. Starting this conversation can make you feel closer to your partner inside and outside of the bedroom. Chances are, they’ll appreciate you facilitating an open and honest space to share your fantasies (Tantry, 2021). You might even be surprised to find out how much you have in common! Just remember that no matter what you or your partner’s preferences are, sex should always be safe and consensual.
3. Focus on pleasure, not just performance
If you lack sexual confidence, you might be thinking a lot about “performing.” Maybe you worry about how you look or sound during sex instead of enjoying it. But take a second to think about your past sexual experiences, or if you haven’t had any yet, imagine how it would be. Are you picking the other person apart and criticizing them in your mind? Or are you thinking about how you are performing and focusing on the feelings you’re experiencing? Chances are, your partner isn’t criticizing you as harshly as you think. Like you, they’re probably just happy to be there and busy focusing on other things. So, relax enjoy it! This will help you have a better experience and boost your sexual confidence. Also, remember that what you’ve seen in movies or online often isn’t a realistic representation of sex – it’s a performance. Just because you don’t act the same as people you may have seen on screen, doesn’t mean you should feel embarrassed about it (Solomon, 2019).
4. Challenge your sex-negative beliefs
Did you grow up in a household where you received negative messages around sex? Even if you didn’t grow up in a sex-negative environment, sometimes the messages we get from the media and society can cause us to feel less sexually confident. Remember that this is your experience and your life – negative messages don’t need to affect how you feel about sex or yourself. You deserve to have positive sexual experiences, and believing this can help you feel more confident in bed.
5. Positive self-talk
Think about all of the wonderful things your body does for you during sex. It allows you to feel pleasure, connect with your partner, and experience new sensations. Focus on what you love about your body. Positive self-talk can go a long way when it comes to sexual confidence and also helps boost your overall self-esteem (O Magazine, 2004). You might even find that it improves your mood. To practice it, try repeating these affirmations out loud or in your mind:
“I love and accept my body.”
“I deserve to feel good.”
“I embrace my sexuality.”
Finally, if you don’t feel sexually confident, try to be gentle with yourself. It’s totally normal to feel self-conscious at times, especially in a situation where you’re being so vulnerable and intimate with someone. We all have our insecurities. We hope that by practicing these 5 tips, you can gradually become more sexually confident over time.
Well, Psych2Goers, what are your thoughts on this topic? Do you feel sexually confident? Share in the comments below and see what others in the community have to say!
If you want to hear more about the psychology behind sex and relationships, don’t forget to subscribe and hit the like button below. To learn more about why you might not feel sexually confident in the first place, check out our video on 5 Signs You’re Sexually Repressed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3fX32sU4wE
It might give you some insight into your behaviours and beliefs around sex. Thanks for watching! See you in the next video.
O Magazine. (2004, May 15). Sexual Confidence: How To Find Yours. Oprah.Com. https://www.oprah.com/omagazine/sexual-confidence-how-to-find-yours
Scott, K. (2020, April 24). This is the first step to feeling sexually confident. ABC Everyday. https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/how-to-feel-sexually-confident/12109726
Solomon, A. (2019, December 18). Want to Feel More Confident in the Bedroom? Start with This. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/loving-bravely/201912/want-feel-more-confident-in-the-bedroom-start
Tantry, T. (2021, November 25). How to Be Good in Bed for Your Partner: 10 Incredible Tips&inline=1. Flo Health. https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/sex/pleasure/how-to-be-good-in-bed-for-your-partner