Love affairs can be one of the most challenging experiences of our lives. It demands energy and brings deep questions about what we want and who we are. Each history is unique, but common factors can be found among a number os relationships that have ended. Psych2Go listed six of them to help you figure out what may not be working so well between your partner and you:
Disagreements about how to spend money are stronger predictors of divorce relative to other common marital disagreements. This is the conclusion of a study produced by different Universities. According to longitudinal data from Nation Survey of Families and Households of USA, less financially stable couples are more likely to fight about their finances. Discordances about how to distribute household income or innability to pay bills are important factors that can end a relationship.
Relationships are not homogeneous and undergo different stages. Sexual life is commonly more intense in the beginning of a romance, but it’s normal to a couple to have less sex when one partner faces a challenge – like a disease or a loss of a relative. Although having such an issue might just be a phase, maintain a sexless life for months may be a signal that emotional and physical needs – such intimacy, cooperation and trust – are not being met. Furthermore, when a person no longer wants to be intimate with his/her partner, the lack of intimacy can generate feelings of loneliness for both partners and can lead the relationship to an end. According to a study of S.M.S. Medical College, in India, 22% of divorces were related to sexual dysfunctions such as unsatisfactory coital experiences, sexual disinterest and variant sexual habits.
Lack Of Communication
The difficulty to communicate one’s feelings to their partner may be caused by one’s inability to connect with thier own emotions. Sometimes, it’s difficult to express our emotions to others when we don’t quite understand what is really bothering us in a relationship. Once we are able to recognize uncomfortable feelings, the next challenge is being able to communicate that to our partner in a compassionate way. It’s essential to develop a habit f listening to each other as an attempt to find common ground where both needs can be met. The expectation that one’s partner will read their mind to magically resolve issues can affect their connexion and increases emotional distance. When the dialogue happens, some communication habits are deeply harmful, such as interrupting, not listening to the other, impoliteness and focusing on the negative. It’s easy to become judgmental, blaming and defensive when we talk about uncomfortable subjects, but it’s worthy trying to become mindful of our communication style in order to avoid a communication break down. John Gottman, professor of Psychology at Washington University, have conducted researches that suggests four types of communication that can end relationships: contempt, defensiveness, criticism of partners’ personality and the refusal to communicate at all.
Conflictive life goals
There aren’t two people exactly equal. A common challenge to couples is dealing with theirs differences and learning from them. It’s common to have distinct preferences – one prefers going to concerts and loves comedies while the partner practises sports and enjoys horror movies. However, when differences concern values, the challenge is deeper. If one partner dreams about having kids and the other doesn’t, the negotiation about the life to be shared is more complex. A study of Oklahoma University showed that too much conflict or arguing was the second most common reason for divorce, affecting 61% of people interviewed. It’s important to check if your partner has similar objectives in a relationship, otherwise it may be hard to keep on it. Differents life goals contribute to the incapacity of making plans and imagining a future together.
In a relationship, lies are commonly associated to “infidelity”. The Oklahoma’s University study also showed that infidelity was the third most common reason to divorces, affecting 58% of people. However, extramarital affairs aren’t the only lie that damages relationships. Lying about your family history, your objectives or pretending to be someone that you aren’t in order to fit in what your partner wants also have devastating impacts. Even little lies about your mood are harmful because it makes the liar unable to be vulnerable in the relationship. Lies can be signals of lack of trust and it shows difficulty to share emotions, factors that end any relationship.
Couple Grows Apart
Sometimes, couples start out having similar life goals. Nevertheless, as time goes on, each one may develop new interests and objectives. In the beginning, both want to have kids and live in big cities with well-paid jobs, but after years, one partner wants to travel and works remotely whereas the other keeps with initial plans. If you feel your goals won’t cross anytime your partner’s dreams in the near future, it may be time to break up. Movies make it seem like you should sacrifice your dreams in the name of true love, but this idea creates unbalanced relationships in which one person gives up on their dreams to follow those of the partnet. True love isn’t about giving up on yourself, but constructing a common path that makes sense for both. In this situation, breaking up isn’t always synonym of lack of love, but may be a reasonable acceptance that a relation may continue in a different way.
The six situations mentioned above may not be entirely fixable. If you feel your relationship is in one of them, it’s a good idea to connect with yourself first in order to check what is it that you are willing to compromise and then share your thoughts with your partner. Talking to him/her in a honest way and openly listening to their perspective can be an essential steps to understand if you can solve it together.