6 Self-Care Tips If You Struggle With Self-Love

Psych2goers, do you feel that you are running out of time everyday? You are crazy busy with school work, or perhaps you are spending a prolonged period of time in your job, or maybe you are too consumed with technology that you neglect your wellbeing and forget to make time for yourself. You are constantly pushing yourself to your limit that you start to struggle loving yourself. Or maybe…you have just freed yourself from an abusive relationship where you feel so drained and believe that every part of you is unlovable. 

Do you wonder what are the self-care activities that you can do when you are struggling to love yourself? Let’s take a look at 6 self-care tips below: 

1. Surround yourself with nature 

It is a beautiful sunny morning. You stroll by the beach, watching and listening to the beautiful melody of the waves. You feel at peace. 

Psych2goers, have you ever heard of the phrase, “nature heals”? 

Do you ever feel your mood is uplifted and at peace when you have a good walk in the city park or spend time hiking in the wilderness? Or perhaps you feel serenity in your heart while watching a video or listening to the sound of nature from your device? 

Mayer et al. (2009) conducted a study in which the participants were divided into 3 groups. They were instructed to walk 15 minutes in a natural setting, or spend 15 minutes in an urban setting, or watch videos of natural and urban settings respectively. The result revealed that any exposure to nature either in person or in a virtual setting would cause improvements in attention, positive emotions, and the ability to reflect on a life problem. However, the effects were more profound if the participants were exposed to actual nature than virtual nature. 

2. Practice meditation and mindfulness 

You sit comfortably in silence, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Each time you notice your mind is wandering, you simply observe the wandering thoughts as they drift through the mind without judgement and refocus your awareness on the inhalation and exhalation of your breath. 

Have you ever heard of the terms “mindfulness” and “meditation”? Meditation is one of the branches of mindfulness. Meditation is defined as a formal practice which can create peace of mind and improve awareness of ourselves, our minds, and our environment. There are many practices of meditation which include mindfulness of breathing, compassion or loving kindness-focused meditation, the use of mantras or phrases as the focus of meditation and others (Behan, 2020).

Alfonso et al. (2020) conducted a study to investigate participants who were involved in meditation over an extended period of time. The researchers observed the neurophysiological and neuroimaging changes that occurred in structural and functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). The results show that the meditation practices affect neuronal plasticity and change the gray and white matter of the brains of the subjects. The changes that occur are consistent with enhanced emotional regulation which suggest that people who meditate can cope with stress and anxiety better. 

3. Have a good laugh 

You are resting on your bed after a long day at school and suddenly you receive a chat notification from your best friend. She has sent you a link to a funny cat video. You watch the video, find it hilarious, and laugh your head off. 

Psych2goers, when was the last time you had a good laugh? The type of laugh that makes your eyes smile, makes you feel wholesome, and leaves you smiling for moments afterwards. Humour can be used as part of your self-care routine and it is a great form of stress relief. 

Zander-Schellenberg et al. (2020) have recruited a sample of 45 psychology students and they investigated whether frequency and intensity of laughter diminished the experience of the students to a stressful event and the subsequent experience of stress symptoms. The results demonstrated that when the participants laughed frequently, they experienced lower stress symptoms following stressful events. However, there was no significant effect of the intensity of the laughter on the association between stressful events and subsequent stress symptoms. In other words, this study showed that the more you laugh, the less likely you will experience stress symptoms when you encounter stressful situations. 

4. Allow yourself to feel 

“Hey, look at the bright side!” 

“Real men don’t cry. You need to be strong.” 

“Positive vibes only.” 

Psych2goers, let us reflect on our lives. What do you do when you are sad? Do you avoid feeling your negative emotions? Do you play videogames to numb your feelings, binge-eat to avoid feeling bad about yourself, or go window shopping to distract yourself from negative feelings? To an extent, distraction can actually be quite helpful to soothe unpleasant and negative thoughts that continuously bombard your mind. However, you need to be mindful of what you do to distract yourself. 

A study entitled “Is distraction an adaptive or maladaptive strategy for emotion regulation? A person-oriented approach” conducted by Wolgast and Lundh (2016) found that a combination of distraction strategies and acceptance is adaptive but when distraction strategies are combined with avoidance, they become maladaptive. In other words, this study demonstrated that when a person engages in a distraction strategy with the aim to avoid feeling one’s emotion, it is actually counter-productive, whereas a person who distracts oneself with distraction activities while accepting one’s emotional experiences is effective in emotional regulation. 

Therefore, you need to be able to confront your feelings and sit with your emotions. Emotions are messengers which carry important messages about yourself that deserve to be heard. Like the rain, emotions are only meant to be temporary, not to permanently reside in us. We should not avoid or hold onto our emotions, instead they are supposed to come and go, flowing through you in their own time (Hayes, 2021). 

5. Spend time with your favourite people 

It is going to be a school holiday in a couple of days. You have already planned for a glamping retreat with your loved ones. You feel excited, it is going to be a wonderful time to be spent with your loved ones. 

Psych2goers, do you know, when you spend quality time with your favourite people, you can add years to your life and boost your mood significantly? 

A meta-analytic review published in the Public Library of Science Medicine stated that there was a 50 percent increase in survival rates for those who possess stronger social relationships. The finding also revealed that the effect of a healthy social network on a person’s longevity was similar to an effect experienced by a smoker when the smoker quit smoking (Holt-Lunstad, Smith, & Layton, 2010). 

In conclusion, when you are struggling with self-love, do make room for your favourite people. 

6. Take a break from social media 

Have you found it difficult to resist the urge to scroll your phone and check your social media accounts? You are curious about the current updates of your friends and family members. Or perhaps you just like to engage in virtual window shopping of your favourite shoe brand. 

Nowadays, social media has woven into the very fabric of our lives. Pew Research Center stated that 72% of people in the United States are social media users (Pew Research Center, 2018).  

A study done by Jiang & Ngien (2020) demonstrated that the more frequent the usage of Instagram, the users would experience a higher level of social comparison. This will in turn heightens one’s social anxiety as they will be more prone to compare themselves with the appearance, ability, popularity, and social skills of other people. Apart from that, the result showed that when a person gets involved in social comparison, one will have a lower level of self-esteem and more negative feelings about oneself. 

Therefore, try to limit your social media usage. Taking a break will enable you to be in a much better mood than before.

Final thoughts 

How do you truly know that you have a good dose of self-love without being narcissistic?  When you love yourself in a healthy amount, you put a high regard for your own wellbeing and happiness, you celebrate your accomplishments in a realistic manner while at the same time you also take note of the areas of yourself that need improvement. On the contrary, when a person has a grandiose confidence and ignores one’s flaws and imperfections, one is said to be loving oneself unhealthily. 

And Psych2goers, remember, if you don’t love yourself, who will? Relationship with yourself is the longest relationship that you will have throughout your life, so nurture it well. 

REFERENCES 

Afonso , R. F., Kraft , I., Arantanha , M. A., &; Kozasa, E. H. (2020, March 1). Neural correlates of meditation: A review of structural and functional MRI studies. Frontiers in bioscience (Scholar edition). Retrieved October 13, 2021, from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32114450/.

Behan, C. (2020). The benefits of meditation and mindfulness practices during times of crisis such as COVID-19. Irish Journal of Psychological Medicine, 37(4), 256-258. doi:10.1017/ipm.2020.38

Hayes, S. C. (2021, April 13). The shortest guide to dealing with emotions. Psychology Today. Retrieved October 13, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-out-your-mind/202104/the-shortest-guide-dealing-emotions.

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010, July 27). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLOS Medicine. Retrieved October 13, 2021, from https://journals.plos.org/plosmedicine/article?id=10.1371%2Fjournal.pmed.1000316#abstract2.

Jiang, S., & Ngien  , A . (2020, May 6). The effects of Instagram use, social comparison, and self-esteem on social anxiety: A survey study in Singapore – Shaohai Jiang, Annabel Ngien, 2020. SAGE Journals. Retrieved October 13, 2021, from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2056305120912488.

Johnson, J. (2021, September 15). Social Media and Mental Health: Depression and psychological effects. Medical News Today. Retrieved October 13, 2021, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/social-media-and-mental-health.

Mayer, F. S., Frantz, C. M. P., Bruehlman-Senecal , E., &; Dolliver, K. (2009, September). Why is nature beneficial? The role of connectedness to nature. Retrieved October 13, 2021, from https://earthwise.education/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Why-is-nature-beneficial.-The-role-of-nature-connectedness.pdf.

Pew Research Center . (2018). Social media fact sheet. http://www.pewinternet.org/fact-sheet/social-media/

Wolgast, M., & Lundh, L.-G. (2016, September 7). Is distraction an adaptive or maladaptive strategy for emotion regulation? A person-oriented approach. Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment. Retrieved October 13, 2021, from https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10862-016-9570-x.