By M’Leigh Jones | 9/24/2019
To start off what is a crush anyway… by the definition of the word
A “Crush” its a brief yet intense infatuation for someone, especially someone considered to be unattainable or inappropriate. Crushes are usually on those we find in some way physically attractive. However, of course as many of us know crushes can start based on a persons personality and abilities. On average its thought that a crush only lasts about 4 months. As individuals do have shorter attention spans we tend to move on from people and things more quickly.
What if the crush doesn’t go away after such a time. If this turns out to be the case, its thought that we have moved on from the stages of infatuation, puppy love or a passing fancy into possible love and true appreciation and desire. Yet, what happens when our feelings are not returned? What happens when or if you feel like you should give up on this individual that you have placed so much interest in and they have in no way substantially returned your feelings…
There are 6 signs that you should give up on your “Crush” and they are as follows:
1. There are no gestures from their side of the relationship– You have dropped hints of your interest and they have done nothing to show or say that they share your advances or feelings.
2. He/She doesn’t appreciate you– You may have done things for them at their request but they in no way make the same actions towards you. They may even know of your feelings and use them against you as a type of black-male of emotions.
3. There is someone else– At the time you begin liking them they may already be in a relationship or seeking one with someone else. Or they may string you along as they talk to other people knowing they are hurting you emotionally.
4. You two are actually not compatible– This further highlights the “you are only attracted to them physically idea”. In no other ways are the two of you on the same page, whether it be socially, emotionally, intellectually, etc.
5. They are Unavailable– This can pertain to them being either socially or emotionally lacking the ability to be there for you. Either they make no attempt to spend time with you (socially). Or they just either decide they can’t or won’t connect with you on any personal level (emotionally).
The 5 signs stated above are considered the major things to look for while having a crush on someone. Usually in these cases, there is always one party that is much more invested than the other. You must be careful in these situations, for you don’t want to cross the line into obsession with a person. This can lead to harm of both emotional as well as physical makings. For both you and your crush. However, there is yet another sign of when it might be time to give up on your crush… The sixth sign is the most important to think about.
6. Whether your crush is one that “fades out” or is your crush one “to be acted on”– In this situation you truly look at and analyze whether your feelings can move on beyond a crush into love or not. Have your feelings begun to move past the physical and enter the realms of truly caring not only about this individuals looks but also their personality, their hopes and dreams. Is their happiness just as important to you as your own? Will you work as hard on their behalf as you do on your own and see to it that you both can make each other happy?
Using these six signs most of us can judge if we’re having a passing “their so cute, handsome, pretty or beautiful moment in life”. Also. if we need to really step back and see if this person we are placing our feelings on really feels the same about us. I liked a young man and we did become friends but nothing more. I decided I would like to be his friend rather than nothing at all. In time my feelings calmed down and I was able to see that in a romantic setting he was not what I was actually looking for. Through a crush I was able to feel for the first time, the ability to care for another that was not a close friend or family member in a new way. It made me open to liking or even loving another in the future. Which is what I feel a crush is all about.
No matter what the situation, a crush is a moment in time that should leave you feeling open to love and caring, not feeling used or bad about yourself. Use these signs and really look at the person who you care about and see just what your crush may be doing to you.