Having a crush on someone can be such a rollercoaster, wouldn’t you agree? You’re all giddy with excitement as those feelings bubble up, but at the same time, it messes with your head, not knowing for sure if they feel the same way about you. And you know what? Sometimes, things just don’t line up, no matter how much we wish they would.
But hey, no worries! We’ve got your back. Let’s learn more about what experts in the field of psychology and behavioral science have to say to help us figure out if your crush might not be “the one” and save you from unnecessary heartache. With that said, here are 6 tell-tale signs that your crush isn’t meant to be:
Lack of Reciprocation
Do you often find yourself putting in most of the effort to initiate conversations, plan outings, or express your emotions to your crush? Do they usually act indifferent or unresponsive to such efforts (e.g., show up late, cancel at the last minute, leave you on read)? Well, that’s a big red flag right there! A healthy relationship is a two-way street, and if it feels like you’re doing all the heavy lifting while they’re just coasting along, it might be time for you take it as a sign that they’re either just not interested in you or not ready for a real relationship.
Oh, those darn mixed signals! One moment they seem super into you, and the next, they’re distant or aloof! It’s like trying to decode a secret language! Do you relate? If your crush is sending you on an emotional rollercoaster and having you second-guess their feelings and intentions, experts say it can be damaging to your self-esteem and emotionally draining. And according to therapists, clear communication and genuine, consistent effort and interest are vital for any relationship to thrive.
Timing can be a real pain sometimes, and whether we like it or not, it actually plays quite an important role in our chances of romantic success with someone. Maybe your crush is already taken, still healing from their past heartbreak, or dealing with some personal stuff right now that leaves them emotionally unavailable. While it’s tough, you gotta respect their situation and consider whether it’s the right time for a relationship. Pursuing someone who’s still emotionally or romantically unavailable will only lead to heartache, so you’re better off just giving them space and moving on from your crush.
Different Values and Goals
As you get to know your crush better, you might discover significant differences in your values, beliefs, and long-term goals. Sure, some differences are manageable, but if it feels like you’re on totally different wavelengths, it might be time to rethink things. For example, if you two have clashing lifestyles — one is outgoing, adventurous, and loves to party all the time, and the other an introverted homebody — it could lead to a lot of friction, frustration, and relationship dissatisfaction.
Lack of Effort and Investment
Picture this: you’re putting your heart and soul into the relationship, but your crush seems disinterested or barely makes an effort to get to know you better. Ouch! Doesn’t seem like it’s meant to be, right? That’s because a healthy relationship needs both parties to be invested and supportive. And if you’re the one doing all the emotional heavy lifting, it might be a sign that this crush isn’t worth your time and attention.
Inability to Be Yourself
True love should never make you feel like you have to pretend to be someone you’re not. So if you find yourself hiding parts of your personality, working hard to please or impress your crush, or constantly worrying about being judged by them, then it’s a clear indication that this isn’t the right match. Because a genuine connection should allow you to be your authentic self without fear of judgment or rejection.
While it can be disappointing to discover that your crush isn’t meant to be, knowing when the stars don’t align can save you from a lot of unnecessary heartache and lead you to finding a better romantic match. So don’t be disheartened if this particular crush doesn’t turn out to be the one. Instead, use this insight to learn more about yourself and what you desire in a partner.
- Cherry, K. & Kwong, I. (2023 Jul 25). How to Tell If You’re In a One-Sided Relationship. VeryWell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/one-sided-relationship-signs-causes-effects-coping-5216120
- Fellizar, K. (2021 Jul 7). 9 Signs You & Your Partner Aren’t Right For Each Other. https://www.bustle.com/wellness/fascinating-signs-you-your-partner-were-never-really-meant-to-be
- Colvin, C. (2019 Oct 16). 3 Early Signs You & Your Crush Aren’t Meant To Be. Elite Daily. https://www.elitedaily.com/p/3-signs-you-your-crush-arent-meant-to-be-19215668
- Aguirre, L. (2020 Aug 17). Why Being Yourself Is Your Best Option. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-dating/202008/why-being-yourself-is-your-best-option
- Bennett, K. (2019). 9 Signs Your Boyfriend is Totally Wrong for You. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-minds/201902/9-signs-your-boyfriend-is-totally-wrong-you