There are many people who agree with the idea that how successful you are and how far you go in life has a lot to do with the people that you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with smart and positive people, there is a high chance that you will enjoy life more as you will be exposed to a better environment and creative ideas. Similarly, if you find yourself surrounded by toxic people, they will most likely end up dragging you down, no matter how positive your mindset is. However, most of the times, finding yourself surrounded by toxic people does not happen by chance. There are certain behaviours or personality traits that attract toxic people into your life. In this article, I will be addressing 6 undeniable reasons why you attract toxic people.
You are a pleaser
Do you often find yourself trying to make other people happy at your own expense? As a pleaser, you might think that you actually have no value to people unless you are doing something for them (Daskal, 2020). You are someone who rarely says no to others because you fear that they will be unhappy. Of course, this personality trait will attract toxic people since they will try to manipulate and take advantage of you.
They will take advantage of the fact that you feel worthless unless you are doing something for someone. So, if you feel like this is you, chances are that you are surrounded by someone toxic. Additionally, whether you are surrounded by toxic people or not, you should work towards realising your own value as to not feel worthless if you are not doing something for someone.
You are incredibly generous with your time
Being generous with your time is a very desirable character trait that everyone enjoys. You form stronger bonds and relationships with others when you put more time into them. But do you feel like there are people who seem to be abusing that trait of yours? Toxic people are extremely attracted to people who are generous with their time, knowing that you will drop anything that you are doing to tend to their requests and demands (Chernoff, 2020). They will call you without a concern of what you are doing and talk to you about their own problems, expecting you to just listen to them, no matter how long it goes. In the end, it’s up to you to set some boundaries to avoid them from abusing your time.
You have a “Rescuer Personality” (White Knight)
People with the “Rescuer Personality” are those with a compulsive desire to jump into other people’s problems and fix them without others asking for help (Health Psychology Consultancy, 2012). They are also known as “Fixers” or “White Knights”. Does this behaviour align with yours? If you are someone who constantly tries to fix other people’s problems without them asking, you will surely attract toxic people. Similar to how they are attracted by pleasers, toxic people will try to take advantage of your fixer mentality and good nature, and make you solve all their problems (Daskal, 2020). Once again, it all comes down to setting boundaries and not allowing anyone to abuse your good nature.
You hate confrontations
How often do you confront people when you disagree or have problems with what they are doing? If you hate confronting people, you are likely someone who attracts toxic people. The main reason for this is that they know that you won’t tell them off whenever they do inappropriate things (Toxic Ties, 2020). They take advantage of the fact that you prefer to understand and accept their flaws rather than to confront them and tell them that what they are doing is wrong.
How should you avoid this? Well, the only answer would be to learn how to confront people. It is a fact that everyone feels a bit uncomfortable when confronting people, although some people to a lesser degree. Still, you should overcome this and learn how to confront people. Only then, will you be able to stop toxic people from doing whatever they want and not abuse you.
You are loyal
Just like generosity, loyalty is one of the most attractive personality traits that one can have. Being loyal to your family and friends makes you a very valuable person. But this will also attract toxic people who want to manipulate you and take advantage of your virtues. Can you think of anyone who you are close to, but is never actually there for you when you need them? Toxic people are attracted to your loyalty because they know that they’ll have someone to count on whenever they need, but don’t need to do anything in return (Toxic Ties, 2020). For example, you are still with a romantic partner who constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, or you keep helping a family member who is taking advantage of you without doing anything in return. To avoid this, learn how to identify one-sided relationships and move away from them. People who take advantage of you don’t deserve your loyalty.
You are overly open and honest
Are you someone who talks about your goals and dreams with anyone you meet? Being overly open and honest can be very attractive to toxic people. Being open and honest is not bad at all, its just that toxic people, like any other person, are attracted to good personality traits. One of your characteristics as an honest person is that you hate lying. The problem lies in the fact that you also think that other people hate lying. This is the main reason why toxic people are attracted to you. Toxic people know that, no matter what they say, you will believe that they are telling the truth. And they love the feeling that they can get away with anything they do or say (Empaths Refuge, 2020).
To conclude, I would like to emphasize that you should not blame your good personality traits and good nature. These things are very precious and will lead you to achieve success and happiness. This article was not written with the intention of making you change the way that you are. Your good personality characteristics will surely attract a lot of people, good and bad. But it is the toxic people that are attracted that you need to pay attention to. Do not let anyone abuse your good personality or make you feel less worthy than you are.
Daskal, L. (2020). 5 Staggering Reasons You Attract Toxic People. Retrieved 14 January 2021, from https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/5-staggering-reasons-you-attract-toxic-people/
Empaths Refuge. (2020). 6 Undeniable Reasons Why You Attract Toxic & Evil People [Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HU9krDCEKys
Chernoff, A. (2020). 7 Surprising Reasons You’re Attracting Toxic People. Retrieved 14 January 2021, from https://www.marcandangel.com/2015/08/16/7-surprising-reasons-youre-attracting-toxic-people/
Health Psychology Consultancy. (2012). The Rescuer Personality (The White Knight). Retrieved 14 January 2021, from https://healthpsychologyconsultancy.wordpress.com/2012/12/19/the-rescuer-personality-the-white-knight/
Toxic Ties. (2020). Why You Attract Toxic People (8 Reasons That Will Surprise You). Retrieved 14 January 2021, from https://toxicties.com/why-you-attract-toxic-people/