Having a crush feels like you are living in a state of euphoria. You feel like the happiest person in the world when your crush walks by and looks at you. And the saddest when they decide not to show up at school. These feelings become less intense over time and soon enough you might even feel like you’re over your crush. But sometimes it persists over time. And it may start to interfere with your life. How do you know if these feelings are not love but actually obsession?
Here are 7 signs that that shows you might be obsessed with your crush:
1. You can’t stop thinking about them:
When you have a crush, you usually spend your time thinking about them. They are the first thought in your mind when you wake up and the last one when you go to sleep. But if you find yourself thinking about them too much that you can’t even pay attention to any other important aspect of your life and anything remotely associated with them reminds you of them then this is a sign that you might be obsessed with your crush.
2. You go to great lengths to win your crush’s approval:
You try to take part in behavior that your crush engages in, to win their approval. Like you might not be a party-person but because your crush likes to party you try to do the same even if it is something that you don’t enjoy yourself. You also try to change something about yourself to feel appreciated by your crush. It is seen that young adults make even go to lengths to change their appearance in order to make their crush like them.
3. You constantly analyze your interaction with them:
When you meet your crush, you are noticing all their behavioral cues to figure out if they like you. And you often replay these interactions with them in your head. Sometimes you even rehearse events that are yet to occur with your crush. Oftentimes you imagine scenarios where your crush is reciprocating your feelings. These events make you hopeful that your crush might like you and may want to be with you. In some extreme cases, people might keep tally of these interactions and behavioral cues.
4. You get extremely self-conscious around your crush:
When your crush comes towards you, you feel extremely self-conscious. It can sometimes happen even in the imagined presence of your crush. You feel shy to the extent of feeling clumsy and awkward. And sometimes you might stutter in the presence of your crush. Admitting your feelings for them even to yourself might feel embarrassing.
5. You feel moody because of your crush:
Your mood for the whole day depends upon your crush. If they say Hi to you or help you with your work or behave friendly with you then you might take this interest they are showing in you as a sign that they might like you. This leads you to feel very ecstatic as if you are on a cloud nine. But on the days when they don’t notice you or don’t take your calls or seem distant, it makes you feel awful or even heartbroken.
6. You feel out of touch with your life:
When you are constantly thinking about someone then most of your attention and energy are wasted on them. This gives you very little or no time to think about any other thing in your life. Your goals, career plans, hobbies, family and friends take a backseat. You feel like everything is going out of control. And that you are not the same person you used to be because even when you decide to let go of your feelings for them, your life somehow feels empty.
7. When you picture about them, you actually crave emotional intimacy:
When you picture your crush with you, you think more about having an emotional connection with them rather than physical intimacy. Your fantasy with them is usually made up of long night walks, holding each other’s hands, kissing on the forehead or talking for hours while sitting under a blanket of stars. And if you picture being with them physically it makes you feel as if you are being intrusive and disrespectful to them.
Having your crush like you back is a wonderful feeling. But if someone doesn’t feel about us the same way then letting them go is a much better option. It is better to be with someone who we feel comfortable around than being with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable and inadequate.
Do you relate to any of these signs above?
1. Tennov, D. (1998). Love and Limerence: The experience of being in love. Scarborough House.
2. Wakin, A., & Vo, D.B. (2008). Love-variant: The Wakin-Vo I.D.R. model of limerence. Psychology Faculty Publications, 1-12.
3. Wolf, N.R. (2017). INVESTIGATING LIMERENCE: PREDICTORS OF LIMERENCE, MEASURE VALIDATION, AND GOAL PROGRESS. Retrieved from https://drum.lib.umd.edu/handle/1903/20272