Do you ever think that the way people see you is different from the way you see yourself? Have you ever wondered whether or not you were attractive? If you’re reading this, the answer is probably yes. And while we’re often taught from a young age that “beauty is only skin deep” and that “we shouldn’t care too much what other people think of us”, the truth is, sometimes we just can’t help.
And hey, it’s not always a bad thing to wonder about how other people see us! Maybe they see something good in us we don’t yet see in ourselves. So if you’ve ever wanted to know whether or not you might actually be more attractive than you realize, here are 7 subtle but psychology-backed ways to tell:
1. People pay attention to you.
Do you ever feel self-conscious because people always seem to be paying attention to you? Have you ever introduced yourself to someone only for them to say, “Oh, I know who you are”? Or be surprised that they remembered something about you you just casually mentioned before? If the answer is yes, then it means people pay attention to you. And psychology says, the more attractive a person is, the more attention other people tend to give them (Dion & Stein, 2008). Which brings us to our next point!
2. People tend to stare at you.
Maybe you’re not the talkative or outgoing type, which makes it harder to tell how attractive other people find you because you don’t really interact with them all that much. Still, you can get a pretty good idea from just reading their body language and picking up on their nonverbal cues, especially eye contact. Do people often stare at you or look you up and down whenever they see you? Or subtly try to catch your gaze? Do you turn heads every time you walk into a room? Or look at someone only for them to look away, embarrassed at having been caught staring at you? Don’t let it make you self-conscious; you’re probably just more attractive than you think! (Zhang, et al., 2017)
3. People want to be around you.
Similar to the last point, if people find you attractive but have little opportunity to act on it (like if you’ve never spoken to them before), they might resort to what we call “hovering” or “benching.” Because even if they can’t talk to you, they still want to be around you. So they might just purposely go to parties or events they know you’ll be, stalk you on social media, or hang around places you tend to frequent — all for the possibility of having even the most casual interaction with you!
4. People come to you for styling/beauty/dating tips.
Another subtle sign that you’re more attractive than you think is if people will often come to you for advice on things like styling, beauty, or dating. Why? Because it means that they want to be more like you, and that in itself is already such a compliment! They probably think you always look good, have great style, or have no trouble finding romantic prospects. And they want to know how you do it, indicating that they find you attractive.
5. People are comfortable around you.
Psychology tells us that it’s only natural to gravitate more towards better looking people. After all, it’s called “attraction” for a reason. So if people usually seem more comfortable around you — if they like joking around and making you laugh, or tend to be physically affectionate towards you — even if you’re not that close, then it’s probably because they find you attractive and are subconsciously (or consciously, if they’re more forward) trying to tell you! (Montoya, Kershaw, & Prosser, 2018)
6. Strangers are often nice to you.
When strangers do something nice for us, we tend to ask ourselves, “Are they flirting? Or just being kind?” But the answer doesn’t always have to be one over the other, because both could be true. So if strangers tend to act warmly towards you, smiling at you and trying to strike up a conversation, or doing small favors like letting you in front of them at the line or helping you carry your things, there’s a good chance it’s because they secretly find you attractive (Place, Todd, Penke & Asendorpf, 2009).
7. Some people try to tear you down.
Last but certainly not the least, if people often try to tear you down for no good reason — either by talking about you behind your back, trying to belittle you, or spreading false rumors about you — it might be because they find you attractive or know that most people do, and it makes them feel threatened. Jealousy, as they say, is the highest form of flattery. So don’t be too surprised if some people try to tear you and your self-esteem down even when unprovoked. Take it as a sign that, deep down inside, they actually admire you and want to be more like you.
So, do you relate to any of the things we’ve mentioned here? Did reading this list make you realize you might actually be more attractive than you first gave yourself credit for? They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and there’s a lot of truth to this. But what matters most is how you see and feel about yourself. So open your eyes to all the wonderful things that make you you, and love yourself all the more for it!
And if you liked this article and want to read more about this topic, here’s what we suggest you click on next: 6 Attractive Traits That Turn People On, 8 Flaws That Actually Make You More Attractive, and 10 Signs Your Crush Thinks You’re Attractive.
- Dion, K. K., & Stein, S. (2008). Physical attractiveness and interpersonal influence. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 14(1), 97-108.
- Montoya, R. M., Kershaw, C., & Prosser, J. L. (2018). A meta-analytic investigation of the relation between interpersonal attraction and enacted behavior. Psychological bulletin, 144(7), 673.
- Zhang, Y., Wang, X., Wang, J., Zhang, L., & Xiang, Y. (2017). Patterns of eye movements when observers judge female facial attractiveness. Frontiers in psychology, 8, 1909.
- Place, S. S., Todd, P. M., Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2009). The ability to judge the romantic interest of others. Psychological Science, 20(1), 22-26.