Relationships are multifaceted.
It is never the same. It continually changes.
It has many phases, and each one gives you a specific lesson in life.
Try to think of the relationships in your life.
Which ones do you value?
Are you happy with those who are around?
What exactly should you know about relationships?
Let’s find out.
Here are things about relationships you wish you knew sooner.
FRIENDLY DISCLAIMER: This video is for educational purposes and is based on personal opinions. This video is not a substitute for professional advice, but general guidance. We advise you to always listen to your intuition and always do what is right for you.
1. First love does die.
As sad as it sounds, it does over time.
But there’s always something you can do about it.
When you’re fresh in a relationship, you are often enraptured in feelings of pleasure and joy – the infatuation stage.
Your brain releases dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin, and with these, you feel like you and your lover can conquer the world together.
After a few months or years, these feelings begin to die out, and you’re left with a question:
Why doesn’t it feel the same?
It is at this stage that couples begin having disagreements, fighting often, and having second thoughts about being with each other.
And most of the couples who go to therapy are usually the ones at their breaking point.
This is why nurturing relationships are important.
No matter which stage of the relationship you’re in, the practice of gratitude, forgiveness, compassion, acceptance, quality time, and balance is vital.
Don’t neglect the one you love, because you neither want to give them or yourself pain or hurt.
2. Relationships are not always happy.
As you were growing up, you might’ve been told stories about how love saves everything.
Later in life, you probably realized that it took more than that.
There will always be times when your own relationships make you feel bad.
It’s what helps you grow.
You will face challenges. Whether it’s about attitude, finances, mistakes – it will come.
And how you deal with it matters.
Remember to have patience, and keep in mind that you are only human and there is a limit to what you can take on.
Relationships are bathed in acts of reciprocity. It takes two to tango.
During times of struggle, a cooperative effort is most needed.
After all, challenges are not always a sign of a relationship ending, but of its progress.
3. Relationships come with certain responsibilities.
It’s easy to be swayed by the happiness of being in a relationship.
You often forget about the duties that accompany it.
When it arrives, you are caught off guard and don’t know how to deal with it.
When you have certain feelings for someone, you feel like you want to face every single obstacle with them.
In real life, these obstacles may come in the form of financial problems, disagreements, family, and more.
As you move forward with your partner, the relationship becomes less about love and more about practicality.
Who will get a job?
If you have children, who will take care of them at home?
These continuous problems that seem so far from the initial dream-like scenario you’ve imagined for both of you are usually what causes resentment to form between couples.
When you’re facing a tough time, make it a practice to voice out when you need help and what you need help with.
This ensures that your partner knows what you’re going through and can find their own way to provide a hand.
Communication is certainly key to solving a lot of problems between partners.
4. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
Ever heard of the phrase “Love yourself”?
You probably already did. A lot.
It’s a saying that’s always thrown around. However, why does it seem like not a lot of people actually follow it?
Can you truly say you love yourself?
Often, people who are in abusive relationships do not understand that they are being abused.
This is why you may know a lot of people who are settling for relationships that make them unhappy.
It occurs when people are subjected to constant emotional abuse to the point where they feel like there won’t be better chances if they ever leave their partner.
It’s easy to lose yourself in your relationships, and this is why a good foundational relationship with yourself is crucial.
It helps you realize your worth and set boundaries for yourself.
Self-love is a state of appreciation for yourself enough that you can support your own physical, psychological, and spiritual growth (Borenstein, 2020).
It is built through regular habits of self-assurance, physical care, and time-outs.
Not everyone has the same style of showing self-love, so it’s important to explore and find out which one works for you.
5. Space is a part of relationships, too.
How much time do you spend with your significant other?
What about your family? Friends?
When talking about relationships, the idea of regular contact is something that might usually cross your head.
Whether it’s physical, communicational, or whichever type of contact, you feel like relationships just don’t work without it.
But did you know that taking time-outs is part of relationships, too?
It’s important for couples to have a healthy level of influence on one another without being completely dependent (Simms, 2021).
Did they just arrive from work? Have they been stressed lately? Do they have introverted tendencies?
There are a lot of factors to consider when your partner asks you to give them some space, so try not to freak out immediately when it comes up.
Instead, try to understand where they’re coming from.
There are a lot of things you can do to make giving space a healthy part of your lives such as setting do not disturb zones and time-outs from calling and texting, too.
It’s all about balance, so it’s good to experiment and talk with your partner about it.
6. You don’t need to have sex with your partner if you don’t want to.
Do you feel like you have to do it just for the sake of pleasing your partner?
Keep in mind that consent is only consent if you’re fully comfortable with doing it.
If sex starts to feel like an obligation or a method of avoiding negative outcomes, then you’re most likely being sexually coerced.
In adulthood, more than 1 million people are the victims of rape or sexual assault each year, according to the National Institute of Justice (Shute, 2013).
A 2017 study that appeared in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the average adult currently enjoys sex 54 times a year, which equates to about once a week (Gould, 2018).
When your partner wants to have sex all the time, it also might be an indicator of anxiety.
They could be using the emotional and physical benefits of intercourse to regulate their mood.
Each couple has a different approach when it comes to sex, so it’s important to listen to your personal urges as well as your partner’s.
However, when you feel like it’s getting too much, it’s high time you talk to them about it or reach out to someone for help.
7. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you should lose yourself in it.
How much of yourself are you giving to your significant other?
When you love someone, it just seems natural to give them everything.
You would want to spend every second of the day with them, live with them, adore them.
Their mere presence leaves you enraptured and every thought that’s not related to them floats away.
This feeling is good, but it’s not sustainable.
Eventually, you will realize you have given everything to your person and have nothing left, leading to burnout.
John Legend once sang: because all of me loves all of you.
But what does it truly mean to love someone in a relationship? Does it really mean giving your whole being to the one you promised yourself to?
The answer is no. Most of the time, it’s good to give yourself space, time, and breathing room in a relationship.
Because loving someone means loving yourself, too.
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Thank you for reading. Until next time!
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Gould, W. R. (2018, February 14). How often do the happiest couples have sex? (It’s less than you think). NBC News. Retrieved November 10, 2021, from https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/how-often-do-happiest-couples-have-sex-it-s-less-ncna828491
Gunther, R. (2015, April 17). Couple’s Alert – Is Your Love Dying? Psychology Today. Retrieved November 10, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/rediscovering-love/201504/couple-s-alert-is-your-love-dying
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OneLove. (2017a, December 21). 11 Reasons Why People in Abusive Relationships Can’t “Just Leave.” One Love Foundation. Retrieved November 10, 2021, from https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/why_leaving_abuse_is_hard/#:%7E:text=A%20lot%20of%20people%20in,are%20a%20better%20partner%20themselves.
OneLove. (2017b, December 21). 11 Reasons Why People in Abusive Relationships Can’t “Just Leave.” One Love Foundation. Retrieved November 10, 2021, from https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/why_leaving_abuse_is_hard/
Shute, N. (2013, October 8). Many Teens Admit To Coercing Others Into Sex. Npr. Retrieved November 10, 2021, from https://choice.npr.org/index.html?origin=https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2013/10/08/230428115/many-teens-admit-to-coercing-others-into-sex
Steber, C. (2021, June 30). 13 Tips For Giving Your Partner Some Space If They (Or You) Need It. Bustle. Retrieved November 10, 2021, from https://www.bustle.com/wellness/tips-for-giving-your-partner-some-space-if-they-or-you-need-it
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Yusim, A. (2021, January 5). 5 Ways You Know It’s True Love (Love vs Infatuation). Successible Life. Retrieved November 10, 2021, from https://successiblelife.com/5-ways-you-know-its-true-love-and-not-just-infatuation/