Answer this question honestly: how attractive do you think you seem to other people? While there’s certainly some truth in the saying “no one can know you better than you know yourself,” when it comes to attractiveness, sometimes we just can’t tell! There may be certain things about ourselves we feel insecure about, be it physical or otherwise. But you never know, those very same qualities in yourself you hate, some people may appreciate.
With that said, here are some flaws you might have that can actually make you more attractive, and why:
1. You’re shy.
Are you the type to duck your head or fidget when people look at you? Do you speak in a soft voice but prefer to keep quiet most of the time? While you may have a hard time believing this, there are actually a lot of people out there who find shyness an attractive trait to have. In a world where sociable, talkative, take-charge types of people are all clamoring to be the center of attention, there is just something so refreshing about being with someone who listens more than they talk. Shy people are often seen as more mysterious, intriguing, easy to get along with, and down-to-earth.
2. You’re clumsy.
Another one trait that some people surprisingly find attractive is clumsiness. In fact, psychology says that men, in particular, tend to think that being clumsy only makes a woman cuter in their eyes. Not only because it makes them seem more genuine, youthful, and excitable, but also because it makes them feel needed (Feather, 1995). They feel compelled to help you out if you’re clumsy and do things for you you may not be able to do for yourself (like carrying things or fixing broken belongings). And though it may sound strange, you’ll see more and more as we go on that there are actually very reasonable psychological explanations for why people are surprisingly attracted to certain traits.
3. You’re easily embarrassed.
Do you often get flustered when people tease you? Or get embarrassed when your friends poke fun at you for something? Do you tend to blush, squeal, or cover your face when this happens? While it may seem like a flaw to some people (if you answered yes, you’ve probably been told before that you “can’t take a joke”), being easily embarrassed is quite an attractive trait to some, especially to men. SImilar to the previous point, people who are easily embarrassed seem cuter and more genuine because they don’t try to hide their true feelings. They are also fun to tease and joke around with, which is a common way a lot of guys like to show affection (Keitner, Young, Heerey, Oemig, & Monarch, 1998).
4. You’re nerdy.
Those of us who get called “nerds” or “geeks” often get a bad reputation for loving something deeply. But what’s so wrong about that? Whether it’s comic books, anime, video games, Broadway musicals, or some other “obscure” interest not a lot of people can relate to, being a nerd isn’t something you should ever be ashamed of just because other people don’t get it. In fact, there are even those who find nerds attractive for the very same reasons they’re criticized for; they’re passionate, excited, driven, and deeply fascinated by things.
5. You’re too honest.
Though there’s certainly a time and place people would prefer you try to tone down your bluntness, being too honest can actually be a very attractive trait to have. To those of us who are tired of listening to everyone just telling us what we want to hear, it’s nice to have someone we can trust to always tell us the truth, no matter what. Not only that, they don’t waste our time by beating around the bush, playing games, or trying to send hints — they just come out and say what they mean! They tell us what we need to hear and earn our respect with their “tough love” approach.
6. You’re an oversharer.
“Oh, I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry, I’ve been talking and sharing so much.” Does this sound like you? Well, good news is, one of the silver linings to being an oversharer is that it makes you seem more approachable, sincere, and easy to get to know. While some people prefer mystery, there are those who like it when someone is an open book because it makes it easier to develop closeness and intimacy in a relationship (Kennedy, 2018). Their openness also makes us feel more comfortable opening up to them and telling them things about ourselves we may not usually share.
7. You take things slow.
Instead of partying all weekend, you’d rather stay at home and curl up to a good book or movie. You’re not a social butterfly but you have a small, tight knit circle of good friends. And unlike those who are always craving excitement in their lives, you appreciate the peace and quiet and prefer to take your time with things. Why? Because you enjoy savoring all the simple pleasures you can and appreciate living life in the moment, not chasing one thrill after another. And to people who feel the same way, this can be a very appealing quality to have.
8. You crave support.
Though it’s true that sometimes people who openly desire warmth, sympathy, and encouragement for others can be a bit off-putting at times, especially when they seem too needy and desperate, the truth is there is just something so nice about being with someone who makes you feel needed. Whether it’s your kind words, sweet gestures, thoughtful gifts, or simply your time and attention, having a partner who craves the support we can give them does a lot to boost our self-esteem and reaffirm our sense of self-worth.
So, do you relate to any of the things we’ve mentioned here? Do you have any of these flaws you never thought other people would find attractive? Or are you one of those who know how to appreciate these very same qualities in a person? If you’re interested to learn more about this topic, be sure to give our other articles a read:
- Feather, N. T. (1995). Values, valences, and choice: The influences of values on the perceived attractiveness and choice of alternatives. Journal of personality and social psychology, 68(6), 1135.
- Keltner, D., Young, R. C., Heerey, E. A., Oemig, C., & Monarch, N. D. (1998). Teasing in hierarchical and intimate relations. Journal of personality and social psychology, 75(5), 1231.
- Kennedy, J. (2018). Oversharing is the norm. In Digital Intimate Publics and Social Media (pp. 265-280). Palgrave Macmillan, Cham.