“We’re all a little weird, and life’s a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
In this loud and fast-paced world, many introverts find ourselves drowned out, overwhelmed and stomped on by society. We don’t find love because we don’t get the chance.
So here’s a small list of reasons to look for an introverted life-partner:
1. We’re self-sufficient.
The first thing you should know is that we do not need you. We do not need relationships, and we don’t need others. No, we don’t need them, we want them. So if an introvert chooses you, they want you. Even if we don’t verbally say it, you will always know you’re wanted because you wouldn’t be part of our lives if we didn’t want you to be.
I have never once told someone that I need them. Well, besides Jesus, but He doesn’t count in this circumstance. To want someone is so much more powerful for us than to need them. Needing someone means that once that need is met, the person is no longer necessary. To want someone, however, means that there’s a conscious effort to keep that person in your life. That’s what we mean when we say ‘I love you’. It means we want you beside us for as long as you’ll allow it.
2. We’re loyal.
Once you’re our person, you’re our person. Period. That’s it. End of story. We won’t play games or flirt with others. We won’t cheat on you and we won’t treat you like you’re nothing to us. Because, truthfully, you’re worth it all.
(Disclosure: If an introvert does cheat on you, it’s not because they’re not actually an introvert, it’s just because they’re a terrible person.)
3. We’re great listeners.
“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.”
Because we know what it’s like to be ignored and over-looked, when you talk with us, you will have our full attention. For you to want to talk with us, whether to know our opinions or not, means the world. If we reply, we will have given the response a lot of thought, we won’t take your discussion lightly, and you may soon find that we know much more about you than you do about us.
(P.S. Don’t let this discovery upset you. We love knowing you, and the more we know you, the more willing we will be to let you know us.)
4. We have a talent for empathy.
Because most of our attention resides in our heads, we find ourselves able to connect at a deeper level quite easier than most. We can read others easily, especially if we know you well. And will feel your emotions as if they’re our own without having to try. We won’t respond with judgement, we’ll respond with understanding, because we know what it’s like to be misunderstood.
5. We live for authenticity.
In today’s world, our introversion is usually seen as an act of rebellion by others and by ourselves. We know who we are and aren’t afraid to fight for it. We won’t change to please others. In our eyes, it would only be a lie and an insult to you and ourselves.
Never try to give an introvert what you think we want to hear. What we want to hear is the truth. We want to know you, not a 2-D drawing of what you assume we want. We want you. It’s that simple.
6. We understand the power of self-love.
We introverts tend to spend a lot of time mingling with our own souls, which is why we’ll encourage you to do the same. When we see your true self, we’ll treasure it more thoroughly than anyone before, for we know what it’s like to have to learn to love ourselves, much less another.
One of the hardest things for me is to watch one of mine struggle with self-loathing. I see them as beautiful, unique, amazing individuals. And for them not to catch a glimpse of it makes me ask them if they need glasses. Every. Single. Time.
7. We’re pretty creative.
We spend so much time in our own heads that we develop our own unique worldviews. Not a single one of us will have the same worldview, and, usually, we express them through art, music, literature, or all of the above. We’d rather express ourselves creatively and passionately than converse. So prepare to be shocked at the things we can do.
One of my introverted friends (I tend to gravitate towards those) is an actress who starred in a play during our freshman year of college. At her audition, she acted alongside a mutual good friend of ours before he was a mutual good friend. He’d seen her and assumed her to be quiet and not have much of a stage presence. When she took his hand, like the script said, he’d jumped a couple inches off the ground in shock. Later, when he recounted this, he said he was glad he’d been wrong.
8. We’re mysterious.
This will be the hardest to deal with in falling in love with an introvert. More than likely, you will always feel like we know you better than you know us. We tend to keep parts of ourselves hidden because emotional vulnerability is one of our greatest enemies. But, for some reason, you’ll probably find this mystery to be alluring.
When one of my good friends was talking about what attracts guys, he said I had it all: curves and mystery. He said that if I wanted, I could have any guy on campus. When I rolled my eyes and brushed it aside, wondering aloud how it was true if no one had made any advances so far, he replied with, “Hey, not all of us can walk with the confidence of someone who’s killed and gotten away with it. It’s intimidating.” I couldn’t argue with that logic.
We introverts are quite valuable, quite unusual, and we rarely get the chance to shine. Maybe, if you look around, you’ll see one of us lounging in the background, watching quietly with a smile on our face. Don’t go up and try to force yourself on us. Just catch our eye across the room. Smile. If we return it and linger on you, come on over. If we just continue glancing around, don’t worry, it’s not personal. We’ve just got about fifty tabs open in our heads. Who knows, if you put in the time, you could become one that’s frequently visited.
“She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world.”
By: Joanne Harris
- Art by Elentori
- Edited by Viveca Shearin (Our editor)