Hey, Psych2Goers! Let’s talk about relationships! Do you believe yours is healthy? Is your significant other a great match for you? Maybe you’re currently single? Did you just get out of a super-toxic experience? Are you happier that way? Or have you never been in a relationship at all?
Relationships should be nurturing and balanced. It takes two to tango, as they say. To make a relationship work, both parties should be willing to do their best. Even if your best means having to make compromises. It’s also just as important to know when not to make compromises. If you have certain standards, you have them for a reason.
Here are ‘8 Relationship Behaviours You Should Never Accept’
This post is for educational purposes and is based on personal opinions. This post is not a substitute for professional advice, but general guidance. We advise you to always listen to your intuition and always do what is right for you.
#1. Always Questioning Your Partner/ Relationship
When you go out to meet up with friends, is your partner already mad? Does this happen a lot? Do they constantly compare themselves to your social circle? If you’re dating someone who’s extremely insecure, they may be more likely to become jealous. We’re all insecure in our own way. And nobody’s perfect. But if someone views their self-worth as very low all the time, this can become quite draining on you. Especially if they don’t ever trust you.
Are you constantly reminding your partner about your loyalty to them? Are you exhausted by having to do this same song and dance over and over again? We all need encouragement sometimes, for sure. If your partner is having a rough day or even a rough week, it’s important for you to be encouraging and supportive. But if that rough day or rough week turns into a rough month, your partner may not be trying to better themselves.
That’s really unfair to you. Are they constantly going through your phone? Do they check all of your private text messages or photos? If they breach your own privacy without your consent, that’s not okay.
#2. Extreme Clinginess
At the start of a relationship, you live separately. As time progresses, and the bond between you and your partner deepens, you might start bringing over your belongings that stay overnight. Like your many comfy sweaters and even a tooth brush, for instance. Eventually, the big question. When do you move in together? A couple of months? Half a year? Two years? What’s your answer?
Once you move in together, everything changes though. You no longer have your own space away from the other person. If your partner wants to move in sooner than you think you’re ready, this can be considered as a big red flag. It’s important to have your own time away from your partner. Even when things are going well. If both parties don’t have their own space in the relationship, that’s not healthy. One of you, if not both, may feel a loss of identity.
Do they always ask where you’re going? There’s nothing wrong with communicating your whereabouts by any means. But the constant questions can become super tiresome if you’re always being asked on a repetitive loop. Even if you live together, your partner still needs to respect your space. And vice-versa.
#3. Avoiding Responsibilities
Are you both fortunate enough to have jobs that pay the bills? Do you work together? Or are they separate? Relationships are all about give and take. Push and pull. They need balance. If you’re working all the time, and they’re not, that can be a problem. Hopefully your job is one that fulfills you, but it may not be. Your job may just be something you do, because it “puts bread on the table” and “brings home the bacon”. Mmm bacon.
If your partner’s unemployed and they don’t put in the effort to look for jobs, this can increase stress your stress levels. Maybe they had a job previously. It’s okay if they quit but had something else waiting in the wings. If they quit without a fallback, and are now gainfully unemployed, this can be rather tricky to manage.
Only having one income instead of two, is oftentimes the start of a relationship’s downfall. Did they quit their job in the normal and respectful way? Did they let their boss know ahead of time and hand in their two weeks notice? Or did they just stop showing up to work? Turning off their phone and purging themselves of all social media. Have they “gone off the grid”? Has this ever happened to you?
Are you being gaslit? Do you know what that means? According to the Oxford English Dictionary, gaslighting is “to manipulate a person by psychological means into questioning their own sanity”. Does your partner almost never agree on a topic of conversation? Say for instance, you went out to a party together, and had a few drinks. When recalling that night, do they insist you had way more than a “just a few?”
Do they make you feel shame and guilt over how you supposedly acted? Particularly when no one else does? Gaslighting is very subtle and can easily warp a person’s sense of self. Especially if their partner says hurtful things about them. The more you hear bad things about yourself, especially coming from someone you love, the more you begin to believe them.
Are you thinking of ending the relationship? Are you scared about what your partner may do if you follow through with your plan? Emotional blackmail is one of the worst and most toxic things someone can do. Are you unsure if they’re manipulating you? Did you end the relationship, but they threatened to commit suicide, so you stayed together? This is emotional blackmail. It is not okay.
#5. Constant Lying
Are you a compulsive liar? Be honest. Or do you try your very best to always tell the truth? Even to a fault? Being brutally honest isn’t always the best course of action. Sometimes the best thing you can do, is say nothing. Depends on the situation. Does your partner lie? Are you often finding them in the middle of a lie? Trust is key in any relationship. As is honesty.
Say your partner is a compulsive liar. They may lie so often, that they can’t even keep their stories straight anymore. That’s totally unfair to you. It’s not a healthy environment for you to be in. Sometimes people stay in unhealthy relationships because they believe that it can, and will get better. Sometimes that’s true. Most of the time though, if you’re dating someone who lies a lot, a liar they will always be.
#6. Super Flakiness
Do you pride yourself on being a reliable person? If someone asks to meet up for a movie, do you always show up on time? Do you have a “movie theatre ritual”, as it were? For example, do you always get to the theatre thirty minutes before showtime, so you can grab snacks and go to the washroom? Are watching all of the movie trailers before the actual movie itself really important to you? If you’re dating someone who’s super flaky, this might cause your “ritual” to fall out of balance.
To be fair, people can sometimes be late. It does happen. Events can transpire that are totally out of our control. If your partner is late to the movies, what is their excuse? Is it genuine? Or a neatly fabricated fib? Do they apologize to you, or just brush it off like it’s no big deal? Does your partner not only belittle your time, but also the rituals that you enjoy?
People make time for those that they care about. This includes keeping you in the loop. If your partner has to cancel appearing at an event that you were both going to, do they let you know as soon as possible? Or are you waiting with agony for two or three hours? With no reply? It’s normal for people to not respond right away. But they should get back to you within a respectable amount of time.
#7. False Accusations
Disagreements and the occasional fight in a relationship can be healthy. If all you ever did was agree with each other, then that would certainly become very boring, now wouldn’t it? If couples never fight, they may be walking on eggshells around each other, in order to avoid conflict. That’s not healthy. On the flip side of the coin, if all you ever do is fight, that’s not a good sign either.
If you’re in a mutually-agreed-upon monogamous relationship, have you maintained your loyalty? You never cheated? So why do they keep accusing you of doing so? This isn’t always the case, but oftentimes those who are guilty of something they know is wrong, will project it onto someone else.
Being accused of cheating can be utterly soul-destroying. If your partner is utterly sure of your infidelity, it can be almost impossible to convince them otherwise. The most important thing to remember is you need to stay true to yourself. You know what you have and have not done in a relationship. Even if they try gaslighting you into believing their version of the truth.
One of the worst possible things that can happen in a relationship is cheating. If you’re cheated on, it’s very important to remember that it’s not your fault. It’s important that that’s repeated. If you’re ever cheated on, it– is not– your fault. Remember that. If your partner cheats on you, that’s about them. Not you. As mentioned previously, some people do stay in relationships, even when cheating happens.
People may stay in relationships, despite all of their friends and family telling them otherwise. It’s hard to leave someone when you love them. No matter their flaws. Once you’ve been cheated on, your self-worth can tank. If your partner cheated, did they apologize and promise to never do it again? Did they keep their promise? Victims of cheating can be made to feel worthless. They may wonder why “they weren’t ever good enough?”
You may ask yourself what you did “to deserve it” Must be said once again, being cheated on is not your fault. We all have thoughts and fantasies. We all can wonder about the “grass being greener on the other side of the fence.” It’s what we do with those thoughts that matters. You are not your thoughts. But you are your actions. Once a liar, always a liar. Once a cheater always a cheater.
This was a big one today. Take a deep breath. Maybe two. Do you need a hug after reading all of that? Hugs are good. Have you experienced any of the points mentioned? Or has your partner done any of these things in your current relationship? Are you only just realizing some of the problems now?
If you feel safe and comfortable with your partner, it’s important to be open and communicate your thoughts and feelings. Trust and honesty go a long way. Hopefully you’re with the right person who makes you laugh and challenges you. In a healthy way, of course. If you’re not in a happy and healthy relationship, reach out to someone you can. Someone you love and trust.
Those who love you, care about you. They just want what’s best. You should want the best for yourself too.
’10 Behaviors You Should Never Accept in A Relationship’ by Brainy Dose (January 9th, 2022) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbZKsR2gk14
‘8 Behaviors To Never Accept In A Relationship’ by Power of Positivity (April 25th, 2022) https://www.powerofpositivity.com/8-things-never-accept-relationship/?fbclid=IwAR3R08f9IFtFCuU5txcPHnyfNkB5WvjoHK_FK0b8jGg5LAqL-RTdYrgoZvw
‘Gaslighting’ by Oxford English Dictionary https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/255554?rskey=IzgUvp&result=2&isAdvanced=false#eid