Do you have a close friend? Someone you have confided in for months or years, someone in your life who you can truly trust? Perhaps you two have had a good run as friends, but what if you are starting to develop feelings for them? After all, being close friends can be the perfect foundation for a potential relationship in certain situations. Let’s take a look at a few tell-tale signs of whether your affection for this special person is actually… attraction.
Before we get into this reading, here is a reminder that the following article is meant purely for educational and informative purposes. It is not in any way a substitute for professional advice, and is intended to be taken as general guidance. We advise you to make the right choices for yourself.
Now without further ado, let’s get back to the reading!
1. You Spend the Majority of Your Time With Them
Spending a lot of time with this special person in your life really allows you to understand who they truly are- the different aspects that make them the person you care about so much. If you are starting to develop feelings for this person, you may go out of your way to spend time with them, getting to know them better, understanding their personality more, and dissecting their unique character traits. It is in fact scientifically backed up that this level of closeness has a notable impact on relationships, whether they are platonic or romantic. According to the Introduction to Social Psychology, written by teaching professor in psychology, Dr. Jennifer Croyle, “proximity or physical nearness has been found to be a significant factor in the development of relationships…Proximity allows people the opportunity to get to know one another and discover their similarities—all of which can result in a friendship or intimate relationship”. So if you find yourself spending more time with this friend of yours, and enjoying it particularly well, it is likely that they could be more than just a “friend”.
2. You Think About Them Often
When you spend a lot of time with someone, you think about them often. This could be in the form of a simple day dream, or thoughts about them that keep coming to you during your day to day activities. Constantly thinking about your friend, reflecting on your conversations and time spent is a pretty worthy sign of attraction. Most of the time, these thoughts could just be running through your mind without you really noticing them. But even when you’re not hanging out, you feel a sense of connection to their presence. So the next time you find yourself mentally drawn to them, just think about the fact that it could mean that they might just be more than just a friend to you.
3. You Care About Them Deeply
Real attraction comes from genuine affection. You care about this person, and try to be there for them when they’re in need. You help pick them up when they fall, you are aware of the little things that bring them joy, you know how to pep up a bad day for them. And they most likely would do the same for you. You have an inner intuition about how they may be feeling at any time, and you have built a great trust and bond between the two of you. If you really, really care about your friend (like really) on a different level, and also experience these other signs, it could mean that you are falling for this special person in your life.
4. You Are Comfortable Being Vulnerable Around Them
Is this person your go-to during your rough times? Are they your rock during the rain? The calm to your storm? A shoulder to cry on? When you are really close to someone, you feel comfortable being vulnerable. You feel that they are your safe zone to vent out your feelings in the most honest way and express your inner concerns about basically anything under the sun. According to Carrie Kraweic, a licensed marriage and family therapist, “feeling safe, comfortable, accepted, and understood as a person is the root of attachment, connection, and intimacy.” This deep level of intimate understanding can be a huge sign of something that goes beyond a platonic friendship. Of course not in all cases, but some. So pay closer attention to your vulnerable moments together. The way this person takes the time to listen to you, and provides you guidance can mean a lot more than you would think.
5. You Care More About Your Appearance When You’re with Them
Do you find yourself being more conscious about how you look when meeting this friend? It is completely normal, a part of human nature even, to care about your appearance when you are attracted to someone. According to Dr. Kurt Smith, a licensed marriage and family therapist, “Staying physically fit, being well-groomed, and dressing appropriately are indications that you respect and feel good about yourself, and want to present yourself in the best way.” The level of attraction you feel towards someone can significantly impact this desire to appear particularly well-dressed. So if you find that you’re especially concerned about the way you look about this friend, you are likely more attracted to them than you would have ever thought.
6. You Feel Possessive About Them
Humans are a very territorial species. When there is any person, place, or thing that we value, we find the need to protect it at all costs- it is just the simple evolutionary survival instinct we all came into this world with. In fact, The National Center of Biotechnology Information states in their article, The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy and Jealousy, that “the observation that noticing what or who you are jealous of is often a more “honest” and accurate indicator of what you truly value”. In simpler words (applied specifically to this context), if you feel particularly possessive about someone, you care about them. And if you care about someone to the extent that you feel so possessive about them, they are probably more than just your “friend”.
7. You Dream About Them
Dreams often signify or reflect your real life experiences. Although scientists, researchers, and philosophers alike have tried to crack the code on what they mean, and why we dream, most agree that there is a relationship between dreaming and the subconscious mind. According to the late Dr. Charles McPhee, commonly known as “The Dream Doctor” in an interview with The Today Show, “Dreams are practical reflections of feelings and concerns that were present in your mind at the time you had the dream.” He also creatively adds, “Dreams are selfish, in the sense that they always concern issues and events that were weighing on your mind at the time you had the dream.” So if you catch yourself waking up from a dream involving you and this good friend of yours together, it’s your subconscious mind having fun with the inner truth!
8. You Are Very Involved In Their Life
Last but absolutely not the least, a huge sign that you are falling for your friend is if you are highly involved in their life. And no, not in an overbearing way, but in a way in which you just know what they are going through at the moment. Their ups and downs, their past struggles, their current joys, you’re usually a part of everything- or at least aware of most of it. You go out of your way to make time for them, and you would drop everything to go see them if they need you. This could go beyond a platonic friendship, it could be a great start to a beautiful, sustainable relationship. So it would be a good time to be open to taking this relationship further than you’re at.
We hope you found these signs helpful and insightful. Remember, it is completely up to you regarding how you go about your personal relationships in life, friendships or other. Make the best choices for yourself, because you know you best. As always, good luck with your journey!
- Croyle, J., PsyD, LPC, NCSP. (2020). Attraction and Relationships. Penn State. Retrieved June 24, 2021, from https://psu.pb.unizin.org/socialpsychmethodsjmc948/chapter/love-friendship-and-social-support-noba/#vocabulary-proximity
- Dream on: Subconscious offers guidance. (2006, December 24). Today. Retrieved June 24, 2021, from https://www.today.com/news/dream-subconscious-offers-guidance-wbna16338352
- Lamothe, C. (2019, October 14). Emotional Attraction FAQs (J. Brito, Ph.D, LCSW, CST, Ed.). Healthline. Retrieved June 24, 2021, from https://www.healthline.com/health/emotional-attraction
- Ramachandran, V. S., & Jalal, B. (2017). The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy and Jealousy. Frontiers in psychology, 8, 1619. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01619
- Smith, K., Psy.D., LMFT, LPCC, AFC. (2018, December 7). 4 Reasons Why Appearance Matters in Relationships. Psych Central. Retrieved June 24, 2021, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/4-reasons-why-appearance-matters-in-relationships#1