Has anyone ever told you that you’re too nice? That your kindness and generosity can sometimes be a fault? While being a nice person is certainly something we should all aspire to be, there is a certain danger with being too nice for our own good most people fail to see. When people say you’re too nice, it most likely means you’re too much of a pushover. It means you’re too selfless, too trusting, and too self-sacrificing. And if you’re not careful, you can be easily fooled and manipulated, blinded by your own good nature.
People who are “too nice” tend to have a hard time standing up for themselves or doing what’s best for them because they’re so preoccupied with being agreeable and easy to get along with. They are thoughtful, caring, generous, and polite, even to those who could never give them anything in return, because they’re just happy to help. But being too nice can hurt you in a lot of ways you may not even realize.
With that said, here are 8 common struggles of people who are too nice for their own good:
1. You don’t know how to say no.
Your friend needs your help with something? Of course you’re going to say yes! You could never turn a friend down, no matter how tired or busy you are. A family member asks you to do some errands for them? No problem! You’re sure you can find a way to fit it into your already jam-packed schedule somehow. Oh, the nice lady at the store wants you to buy some of their products even though you don’t really need it? You buy it anyway! You’re too embarrassed to say no to anyone who asks you nicely – which brings us to our next point!
2. You attract the wrong kinds of people.
People who have a reputation for being “too nice” tend to attract those looking to take advantage of their good nature and use it against them. If you are one of these people, you may find yourself surrounded by lots of fair-weather friends who only stick around as long as they need something from you. Because the matter of the fact is, you can never really know if someone truly cares about you until you have nothing more to give them. And nice people can never know for certain who to trust because they’re so friendly, generous, and forgiving that it makes them easy to manipulate and exploit.
3. Everyone keeps asking you for favors.
Do your loved ones often turn to you for help, comfort, or advice? Do you find yourself always trying to help fix their problems or doing favors for them you don’t want to do? When you’re a nice person, people feel comfortable asking you for help or telling you about their problems. And while it’s certainly nice to be seen as someone so supportive and dependable, it can quickly get tiring when everyone seems to want something from you, even people you barely know or you’re not even close to. One of the major downsides to being too nice, you’ll find, is that it can bring out a needy, whiny, selfish, and demanding side to those around you.
4. Some people are suspicious of you.
“Why are you being so nice? What’s in it for you?” If a nice person like you had a dollar for every time you’ve been asked a question like that, you’d probably be rich. Why? Because you’re almost “too nice to be true”, as some people would say. And there are always going to be those who act suspicious of you and misconstrue your kind gestures as having ulterior motives behind them. Because the truth is, genuinely nice people are hard to find these days. And it’s become a bit hard to believe that someone would be so polite, selfless, and good-natured “for no reason.”
5. You’re afraid to speak your mind.
Another problem with being too nice is that people may start expecting too much from you. Because you’re usually so patient and easy-going with everyone, you’re afraid to get upset, cry, or yell (even when you have every right to) because you don’t want their perception of you to change. And because people have come to expect such an unreasonable amount of niceness from you, you feel a lot of pressure to “do what’s expected of you” and not be as emotional, assertive, or opinionated as you want to be because you want to stay the “nice person” everyone feels so fondly about.
6. You forgive people too easily.
One of the worst things about being so nice and soft-hearted is that you tend to be too forgiving as well. You trust people too easily and you give second chances to those who don’t deserve it. Even when they’ve hurt you a lot or betrayed you in the past, you still can’t help but show them forgiveness because of how difficult it is for you to bear a grudge against them. And while you know deep down inside that your kindness is better spent on more deserving people, you’re still willing to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt when they need it.
7. You feel guilty putting yourself first.
While you know it’s not selfish to put yourself first sometimes, you still can’t help but feel guilty about it anyway. There are so many things you want to do for yourself, but you just can’t unless you’ve taken care of the people you love first. Even if it’s something simple, like turning down an invitation to go out in favor of getting some much-needed rest and relaxation, it can be hard for an overly nice person to think of themselves for a change without feeling like they’re doing something wrong.
8. You forget to be nice to yourself.
Finally, but perhaps most importantly, the greatest struggle with being an overly nice person is that all too often we forget to be nice to ourselves as well as others. When you’re too nice for your own good, you’re likely going to put other people’s wants and needs ahead of your own. But it’s important that you remember to take good care of yourself just as much as you do for others. And while it can be challenging to balance your time, energy, and attention between them and yourself, you need to remember that you owe yourself the love you so freely give to others.
And while there’s certainly nothing wrong with being a nice person, being too nice comes with it’s fair share of struggles as well. If you’re not careful, you may end up sacrificing all your effort, attention, and emotional well-being into relationships that aren’t good for you or people who aren’t worth it. Don’t waste all your time trying to make everyone happy if it’s only going to make you miserable. Set healthy boundaries for yourself and don’t be afraid to say no every once in a while. You deserve love and happiness, too, just like everyone else.