The INFJ personality is still considered a mystery and an enigma by many. As an INFJ myself, I don’t think we are that difficult to understand. Although understanding how our mind works can be a little tricky.
I don’t know if it’s because we tend to entertain opposites or because we have a lot of depth to us. Either way, one thing is for sure, one list of what INFJs struggle with was not enough to help other people and other INFJ understand how we work.
It is for this reason that I have created a second part to 9 Things an INFJ Struggles With.
The personality and traits of the INFJ explained here are based on research, experience from INFJ YouTuber Frank James, Psych2Go videos, and my own (the author’s) experiences as an INFJ.
This article is not meant to include all of the perspectives that an INFJ may have, and it is not an all conclusive guide as INFJs can be all different and have different experiences. This article is for entertainment purposes only.
If you feel like you need help in any way, please contact a mental health professional.
I hope that with this article you can get a glimpse into the INFJ mind and that you enjoy it. Without further ado, here is the second part of 9 things that INFJ personality types struggle with.
1. Keeping quiet and watching things unfold
Have you ever known what’s going to happen with someone or a situation before it happens? Because we are intuitive, INFJs tend to know exactly how things will turn out, seemingly out of nowhere. We get feelings, flashes, or just know things.
Other times, we can have a strong idea of what will happen based on the patterns and the way people are acting at the moment. But, we don’t say anything. Instead, we sit back and see the event unfold.
This non-action is due to a few reasons. Some people do not believe that intuition isn’t real, while others believe it is hocus pocus because intuition is commonly grouped under psychic powers. Similar to intuition, many people don’t believe in psychic powers.
INFJs know this so we don’t even entertain the idea of telling these people anything. We know that their reaction would either be one of ignoring us, not believing us, blowing us off, making fun of us, or getting angry at us. And, we INFJs avoid conflict as much as possible.
It could also be that the INFJ has tried to say something before, maybe when they were young or to someone that they trusted, but they had a negative reaction to the information. Which would prompt the INFJ to never do it again fearing the same reaction moving forward.
We also have trouble explaining things, especially patterns and the reasons behind them. It is hard for INFJs to express themselves for various reasons. When we do attempt to communicate, we usually end up complicating the matter more.
When it comes to patterns, a lot of people do not like to hear about them. As INFJs, we feel and believe that there is almost always a subconscious reason for the way people behave. Reasons that we can see but if we try to relay it to others we are met with pushback.
Mostly because people don’t like to see, let alone face, the deepest and darkest parts of themselves. It is too painful to even consider.
Another less expressed and known reason as to why INFJs just let things unfold is because we want to see what happens. We are curious to know if what we intuit will come true or not. Whether there will be variations to it or not. It is both a genuine curiosity and a desire to be validated in our knowing.
2. Having a clear idea in our minds but being unable to express it
INFJs live mostly inside their worlds. They come up with unique and impressive ideas. They design those ideas in their heads and even rehearse what they are going to say to people as they present the idea.
But, when it comes time to say something and write it down we are at a loss for words. This is mainly because the idea or concept was created with feeling and images, not with words or explanations.
We find it hard to describe these feelings as feelings and emotions are usually the most difficult things to explain since there are no words that accurately capture their essence.
We also get tongue-tied with fear thinking that people aren’t going to understand what we say. Or we are afraid of having people question or push against us, our idea, our project without any other reason than to be a pain. INFJs are known to be kind and sweet, but we can break and lash back under pressure.
Since we don’t like conflict, we not only avoid conflict with others but also the conflict we know that we can create ourselves.
3. Being questioned about our motives or decisions
When was the last time someone questioned you about your choices and decisions? How does that feel? It doesn’t feel very good to INFJs.
As INFJs, to make a decision we have to go through some steps. The first one is detaching from looking for validation and looking to others to give us a clue or a lead into what decision to make.
To fit in and cater to others we usually look outside of ourselves for confirmation on how to act and not step on other people’s toes.
At the same time, we have to detach ourselves from our and other people’s emotions. This is quite hard considering we always consider other people’s emotions before ours because we are pleasers and INFJs practically run on feeling.
Once that is done, we enter into the actual decision-making. This presents another level of difficulty for INFJs because we do not want to make the “wrong” decision. We are very aware that we will have to live with this decision for the rest of our lives and if it is the “wrong” one we will be mentally chastising ourselves for a good few years after that. And we don’t want to bring ourselves down, we want peace.
Being questioned about our motives and decisions makes us feel like we didn’t make the right decision. On top of that, we have to change our tactics which we don’t want to do because we were comfortable with what we had before and we have already spent all of our energy in that first decision making. We have no energy left to do anything until we have recharged.
Questions about our decisions also force us to do things that we either aren’t comfortable with or are not even part of our personality type. Like doing extraverted thinking, which we don’t have, and defending our decisions (and by default ourselves) which we aren’t comfortable with.
4. Showing our emotions on our face
INFJs are often described as quiet and mysterious but something many people don’t know is that a lot of us tend to show our emotions on our faces, especially our eyes.
We show all of our emotions on our faces from happiness to sadness. When you know an INFJ well you can tell which emotion they are expressing without them saying anything. And even if you don’t know them well, you can still tell that something is wrong because INFJs are very expressive with their faces.
We might be mysterious but our faces tend to give us away, especially to friends and family. INFJs also tend to make faces when we are in our heads daydreaming or making up scenarios. Which can be awkward for both us and the people who happen to stumble upon us contorting our faces for seemingly no reason.
Have you ever stared for too long at someone or had someone stare uncomfortably at you? It probably was an INFJ. INFJs generally have trouble establishing the right amount of eye contact depending on the situation and the people they are dealing with. This is due to a variety of reasons, one of them being our awareness of people being uncomfortable under our gaze.
While not every INFJ has what the internet calls the INFJ Stare, some do and that stare tends to intimidate other people due to its intensity. While INFJs and, general people, stare for different reasons I will discuss three types of stares that are usually attributed to the INFJ.
Staring into the distance
INFJs are one of the personality types that tend to be in their one mind a lot of the time. We daydream, plan, strategize and make scenarios in our heads. When doing this we tend to stare into the distance no matter where we are.
This can be a problem because if we are in a public area and we stare off into space, others might think we are staring at them even if we aren’t. Some might perceive it as a threat, while others might call us intimidating.
The main problem isn’t necessarily the stare but the intensity of it. We put so much energy and emotion into it that people around us can feel it. Even when we are staring into the distance we tend to put a lot of emotion behind our stare, depending on what goes on in our minds.
The Observant Stare
The observant stare is equally intense but serves a different purpose. When we use this type of stare it is for gathering information. Because of the INFJ personality type, the moment we start gathering information, both consciously and unconsciously, we tend to focus all of our attention on what we want to know.
If we are trying to analyze a person then we focus on what they are saying, their tone, their pitch, if their facial expressions and body language match up to their words, what kind of feelings they are emitting, etc.
As we gather the outward information we begin to internally analyze it and compare it to our past experiences and knowledge, as well as come up with reasons or conclusions to certain behaviors.
All of this requires intense focus and attention which is mirrored in our stare.
The Death Stare
And finally, my favorite, the death stare. Although the death glare is mostly attributed to INTJs, I as an INFJ, have done it before. It may not be the same for all INFJs, but the death stare generally occurs when we are angry or when we are trying to make people stop coming at us.
In first grade, I had a teacher who did not work well with children. Even though I was thought that teachers knew what they were doing and I should respect them completely, I knew intuitively that this teacher was not to be trusted.
Now, I wasn’t exactly an angel myself so we did butt heads. Every day I would be sent home with a note in red ink for my parents to see and sign. One day, one of those notes stated that I had stared at the teacher with eyes of hate or hateful eyes.
The death stare has the ability to intimidate and make other people fearful. Even as a child I had the ability to make adults nervous. The death stare is more piercing and emotionally charged than other stares because it serves as both a warning and a way for us to make the other person know that we are not pleased.
6. Not being in tune with our feelings
Are you constantly aware of what you are feeling? INFJs sometimes aren’t. Because we are mostly preoccupied with other people’s feelings, we tend to push down or ignore our own.
Sometimes, this contributes to bottling up our emotions until we finally break. Other times this will lead to not knowing how to help ourselves because we don’t know what we are feeling.
It can also make us ignore our feelings until they develop into a mental illness like anxiety and prevent us from being fully open with other people and making meaningful connections because we can’t relay how we truly feel.
7. No interest in casual dating
Being introverted and easily drained by people, INFJs do not entertain casual dating. We might think about it but never really act upon it. Casual dating is too stressful for INFJs, it leaves too much to chance which is something INFJs are not comfortable with since we are planners.
INFJs thrive on meaningful relationships and conversations. Casual dating does not offer that.
More than that, for those INFJs that do believe in spirituality, we are aware that being with someone means exchanging energies with that person. Even creating energetical cords, which is not always a good idea. Especially if that person carries a lot of negative energy with them.
Mature INFJs are able to not be affected by negative energy but INFJs that do not know how to deflect energy can be left in a low place mentally and emotionally.
Some INFJs may have the knowledge that there is truly someone special for them out there. Someone who will accept them, understand them, and match them intellectually and emotionally. They will wait however long it takes until they find a person that matches them.
8. Fitting in everywhere but at the same time fitting in nowhere
I remember when I was in high school and used to randomly sit with different groups of people when my own friend group wasn’t available. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized that not everybody could do this. That in fact, if someone else tried to sit with a different group of people at lunch, they would get left behind or kicked out.
Because of their kind, understanding, empathic nature, and great observation skills, INFJs have the ability to blend into different social groups without being looked down upon.
Unfortunately, because of our difficulty in expressing ourselves and our preference to mostly have a small group of intimate friends, INFJs don’t feel at home with these different groups of people.
It’s like we are in it but at the same time, we are on the outside looking in. That was what it was for me. I could sit down or walk up to different groups of people, interact with them for a while but never really feel close to them.
I only really trusted my small group of friends.
9. When something does not go the way we intend
Have you ever had something go wrong or not the way you planned it to go? This is one of the worst nightmares for INFJs. Even if they are not necessarily detailed about it, INFJs are planners.
We like to know what to expect. This gives us security and peace since we would know what to do in certain scenarios. When something changes and ends up being something that we do not intend we get nervous.
The security is gone and now we have no idea how to respond. An INFJ can get irritated, jittery, or angry as well. We can act out if there is too much stress or seem extremely cold to other people.
Our already low energy supply plummets, and we can’t deal with the necessary changes we have to do in order to better the situation. In the end, all we want to do is get away as fast as possible.
Do you relate to some of the points listed in this article? Did we miss anything? Comment below and let us know about your experiences as an INFJ. Follow our YouTube channel for more content. Thanks for reading.
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