They’re into me. They’re not into me. They’re into me. They’re not into me. They’re into me. They’re not into me. They’re into me. They’re not–
Are they into me?
You’ve met someone. Probably someone at work or school has caught your eye. After talking to them and trying to get to know them better, you’ve found that you’ve become attracted to them. Great!
Do they like me back?
Figuring out whether or not someone is interested in you can be difficult and confusing. There are many signals, but you are not sure if it is purely platonic or something more.
Here are a few subtle hints that let you know that the feeling is mutual.
Mirroring or embodied cognition is an effective way to tell if someone is interested in you. Have you ever observed friends or couples interacting? If you have, you might have noticed that sometimes they mimic each other. The most common form is walking in lock-step– almost as if they were in a marching band. Someone who is interested in you adopts your mannerisms. They begin to imitate you (and vice versa). But, don’t be alarmed! Mirroring is not mocking. It is an unconscious act that occurs when someone is trying to establish a rapport and genuinely understand you. It tells you that the other person is willing to understand and connect with you!
2. Dilated Pupil:
Typically, dilated pupils are associated with the activation of the brain’s fight or flight response. The brain does this to assess the situation and identify any threats. However, within the context of attraction dilated pupils signify that the other person is interested.
What causes dilated pupils?
3. Mutual Eye Contact
The love hormone oxytocin is also responsible for increased eye contact. When someone is interested in you, they try to establish intimacy with you by holding eye contact. It also means that they are paying attention to every word you say. A 2006 study published in PubMed found that mutual eye contact increased attraction between partners and feelings of love.
4. Leaning In
If you have read our article on “8 things that make you attractive,” you know that a person’s availability makes them more attractive. Similarly, our body gives out physical cues of how receptive that person is towards you. If a person is interested in you, they may lean or tilt towards you. This naturally happens as compatibility increases.
5. Feet pointing
The feet point towards where a person’s attention is, so if their feet are pointed towards you it means that they are interested. Also, someone’s foot placement can give you a clue as to how they feel. According to Judy Dutton author of How We Do It: How the Science of Sex Can Make you a Better Lover if a person stands “pigeon-toed,” they are trying to convey that they like you a lot. \
People adopt certain ticks when they are nervous, and also when they are interested in someone. They may play with their hair or fidget with the hem of a shirt. This is most likely used as an anxiety coping mechanism, but it is also present during the early stages of attraction. Fidgeting on the first date is quite normal because it means that the person is interested, excited, or nervous.
7. Light Touch
We use touch to connect with others and this is the same reason that drives someone who is attracted to you to reach across the table. There are many different ways someone might engage in this behavior during stages of attraction. For example, a woman might reach out and lightly touch a man’s arm, or men might engage in playful physical activity. Regardless of the way it is performed, a person engages in physical touch to establish a level of intimacy and closeness. Touching and reaction serves as an indicator as to how you might feel around that person.
Though blushing is associated with anger or shyness, it too can be a sign of attraction. The sympathetic nervous system dilates the small blood vessels in your face, causing you to blush. Additionally, the butterflies that stir whenever you see someone you love or are attracted to can also cause a light blush to paint your cheeks. This is caused by the rush of adrenaline which also causes your facial capillaries to open up.
When someone is attracted to you and possibly starting to fall in love, they will begin to glow. No, not the bioluminescent type of glow but their skin will look healthier. This is caused by the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin decreases cortisol levels throughout your body. Increased oxytocin begets less inflammation and a high immune system.
Gauging whether someone is interested in you may be difficult, but hopefully, these hints have helped.
Let us know in the comments below what attraction based behaviors you have noticed in yourself or others!
Brito, J. (2020, April 27). Dilated pupils meaning: Attraction and mood. Retrieved July 23, 2020, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/dilated-pupils-meaning
Gage, K. (2019, March 24). Signs They’re Attracted To You. Retrieved July 23, 2020, from https://medium.com/@krisgage/signs-theyre-attracted-to-you-8cdd47019f14
Schafer, J. R. (2016, July 28). 5 Ways to Tell That Someone Likes You. Retrieved July 21, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-ways-tell-someone-likes-you
Steber, C. (2019, June 19). 7 Unexpected Signs Someone Is Attracted To You, According To Experts. Retrieved July 23, 2020, from https://www.bustle.com/p/7-unexpected-signs-someone-is-attracted-to-you-according-to-experts-18010481
Van Edwards, V. (2020, June 19). 3 Ways to Instantly Tell When Someone is Attracted to You. Retrieved July 21, 2020, from https://www.scienceofpeople.com/know-someone-attracted/