9 Things You Should Never Say To Anyone

“You’re too sensitive! It’s all in your head!”

Do these phrases sound familiar to you?

In case you don’t know, These phrases are examples of Psychological Invalidation.

According to a Psychologist, Jamie Long, PhD, “By definition, invalidation is the process of denying, rejecting or dismissing someone’s feelings.”

In other words, it means that what you think and feel is inaccurate, unreal and sometimes even wrong – leaving you feeling confused and full of self-doubt. 

So to avoid invalidating other people’s thoughts and emotions, here are 9 Things You Should Never Say to Anyone!

Let’s begin! 

Number 1, You’re too emotional!

This statement gives the impression that you are being overly sensitive and exaggerated which has no real truth to it because Feelings are not measurable by any means. When the emotion hits you, nothing is too less or too much. 

Number 2, Stop making things up!

This statement seriously questions your honesty and your perception of reality leaving you hurt and confused about what you thought and felt and that is a sure-fire sign of being invalidated!

This statement seriously questions your honesty and your perception of reality leaving you hurt and confused about what you thought and felt and that is a sure-fire sign of being invalidated!

Number 3, You shouldn’t feel that way!

Shoulds and Woulds aren’t the best words to use when describing how a person feels. This statement implies that your feelings are wrong and THAT is never right! 

Number 4, I don’t think that’s an issue!

Sometimes, opinions are best unshared if they won’t make the other person feel better. And this is one example of it! This statement will just leave you feeling like you are making a big deal out of things and that’s not very comforting at all.  

Don’t let someone invalidate your feelings just because they don’t feel that way.

– RADHIKA BHAT, 2021 JUNE 15

Number 5, Just Stay Positive!

Toxic Positivity is a common form of Psychological Invalidation and is often used when people want to cheer you up. The intention may be good, but admit it, the statement most likely makes you feel more minimized and less truly understood.  

Number 6, Just Ignore it!

Let’s face it, advising a person to ignore something that bothers them is not really the best advice. 
Instead, perhaps you can say “I can see how this is bothering you and I’m here for you until this shall pass.” 

Number 7, I’m sorry you feel that way.

This statement does more harm than good because it suggests that you are only hurt for something that YOU misheard or misunderstood. It implies a problem with your judgement and that’s definitely an invalidation. 

Number 8, Everything happens for a reason.

When you’re feeling upset and you hear this phrase, don’t you feel more upset? Whatever that reason is, surely it will be difficult to understand how it justifies what you feel at the current moment and you would rather not hear this statement at all. 

Number 9, Don’t be such a wuss/crybaby!

This labelling statement forces you to suppress your emotions as it is deemed inappropriate by the other person. However, the reality is that sometimes an uncontrollable emotion may arise, and it will definitely make you feel better when it is received with kindness and sympathy rather than ridicule and judgement. 

In brief, Psychological Invalidation can be very damaging to a person and what’s interesting to note is that it sometimes happens with the best intentions in mind. 

In the end, it is always better to think of how your words affect other people and to speak with empathy and compassion especially when they need it the most. 

So do you think you know better now? 🙂

Drop a comment if you’ve heard of other invalidating statements and how they made you feel.

And see you in the next article! 🙂

References:

letstalk.mentalhealth (2022, January 8) Phrases I don’t want to hear again
https://www.instagram.com/p/CYd-wOtrGkl/

Carrico, Brittany(2021, July 18) What Is Emotional Invalidation?
https://psychcentral.com/health/reasons-you-and-others-invalidate-your-emotional-experience

Davies, Janey, BA (2021, November 16) 20 Signs of Emotional Invalidation & Why It’s More Damaging Than It Seems
https://www.learning-mind.com/emotional-invalidation-signs/

Sidney (2020, November 16) 9 Things You Shouldn’t Say To Anyone.
https://psych2go.net/10-things-you-shouldnt-say-to-anyone/

Namimidhudson.org (2018) Validation-Invalidating Statements
http://www.namimidhudson.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Validation-Invalidating-Statements.pdf

Long, Jamie, PhD (2017) What is Invalidation? 5 Things You Shouldn’t Say.
https://drjamielong.com/validation-5-things-not-to-say/

Fray, Matthew (2017, August 26) 8 Ways Good People Invalidate Their Partners and Ruin Relationships
https://matthewfray.com/2017/08/26/8-ways-good-people-invalidate-their-partners-and-ruin-relationships/

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