Why Falling In Love With “Old Souls” Can Be So Hard

Right off the bat, I want to make it adamantly clear that the term “old souls” has no actual basis in psychology. Regardless, the phenomenon of “old souls” does exist, as many mothers and nurses in the maternal ward will tell you. The idea of “old souls” varies depending on who you’re talking to. Some say that old souls are merely children that seem much more mature than their age would indicate. Others see old souls in a much more spiritual light, and believe that these individuals have lived many past lives on this earth, and seem to draw upon that knowledge and experience daily. For these people, a belief in reincarnation is almost always present.

While the idea of old souls has been dismissed by many as pseudoscience, it’s hard to deny the existence of old souls when you see them. Some of the firmest believers in the existence of old souls are the nurses who help deliver babies in hospitals. These healthcare professionals see more babies than perhaps anyone else, and they notice the subtle differences in these newborns that others might miss. Many of these nurses will tell you that certain babies exhibit strange characteristics when they’re born, almost as if they’ve been born many times before and it’s nothing new to them…

While being an old soul can have its advantages, it can also have its downsides. Many old souls have trouble with relationships. In addition, many people who date old souls can tell you that it’s very difficult to make things work with them. But why is this? Is there any hope for these old souled individuals? These are the questions we set out to answer today.


1. Old Souls Often Come From Single Parent Households

While the term “old soul” might not be used in psychology, there is another term that is closely related. This term is “pseudomature.” This word refers to children, teens, or young adults that appear much more mature than their age might indicate. These children are often trying to mimic or copy adult behavior, and often these pseudomature children come from single parent households. The presence of only one parent figure can force a child to be very independent from an early age, and this can cause them to mature at a much faster rate. Kids from single parent households often deal with divorce, a sobering experience which can also force a child to grow up very fast.

In addition, these children are lacking one parent figure (either a mother or a father) when they grow up. This is where it starts to affect their future relationships. Without a mother or a father figure, the child could have trouble with future relationships as a result. So while these pseudomature old souls are maturing very quickly because of living in a single parent household, it also could have a negative effect on their future relationships. This has been discussed in various studies, such as this one. This is interesting because it links the pseudoscience of old souls with actual scientific data. Be aware than when dating an old soul, there may be past childhood trauma that makes it hard for the relationship to flourish, trauma that these old souls had no control over.



2. Old Souls Prefer The Company Of Older People

If we are to believe that old souls exist, then it only makes sense that they would prefer the company of older individuals. It’s pretty obvious why: they want to be around those who they have more in common with, people who have lived for many decades and have a wealth of knowledge and experience. But this can make it very difficult for people who are trying to have a relationship with old souls. It’s most common for two people of similar age to fall in love with each other. It just makes sense. They might meet at school, where everyone is of a similar age group. And practically, it makes more sense to date within your age group because you’ll want to have children at the same time and you’ll be able to grow old at the same rate. But dating within one’s age group can be very difficult for old souls. No matter how much they try, they always feel like they can’t quite fit in with people their age. This can cause a rift between them and their partner, if their partner is the same age.

Alternatively, it can also cause the old soul to date people who are much older than them. This can lead to all sorts of problems. Society tends to look down upon such relationships, and they’re seen as wrong. Sometimes, it can work out, leading to beautiful relationships. Other times, they seem doomed to failure. For example, how do you deal with the fact that one partner is probably going to die much earlier than the other? What if you want to have kids? How is your child going to feel when one partner dies before they’re even an adult? What if the partner is so old that they’re not even capable of having children any more? All these problems and more await old souls who date people much older than themselves, and it can lead to anguish and misery.


3. High Standards

Assuming old souls have indeed lived multiple past lives, it seems only logical to assume that they’ve had many relationships in the past. And because of this, they are (presumably) subconsciously comparing their present relationships to ones they’ve had in past lives. This can lead to turmoil and dismay for those who are trying to pursue a romance with old souls. They say that you never truly get over your first true love. But what if you could remember each and every love of every life you’ve ever lived? Just imagine how hard that would be to get over. And finding a relationship that compares to these past romances would be immensely difficult. In fact, it would be close to impossible.

Although old souls are capable of finding love once more, it can often be very hard for the people who are dating them. These people often get the strange feeling that they are being evaluated and compared to an ideal that they can’t ever aspire to. This can lead to frustration and confusion for both parties. But if you’re in a relationship with an old soul and you feel this way, remember to never give up. If you allow your old souled partner to get to know you better, you may find that they start to warm up to you eventually. But don’t be surprised if they seem wary and distant at first, because they’ve lived through many relationships before, and they don’t want to get hurt again.



4. Old Souls Have A Strong Sense Of Identity

One of the hardest things to deal with when dating an old soul is their strong sense of identity. This can be a real barrier in relationships, especially for people who are very stubborn and set in their way themselves. Imagine if you were, on some level, aware of your past lives. All those years would have set in place a personality that is extremely well-established. You would have had plenty of time to learn more about yourself and develop your identity. There would be no doubts about what sort of things you liked, and what sort of things you couldn’t stand. Therefore, your ability and desire to “try new things” as an old soul would be pretty much non-existent. After all, why try “new” things when you’re tried it all before, numerous times in fact, during all of your past lives?

This type of outlook can be very hard to deal with for those pursuing a relationship with old souls. For example, you might suggest an activity to an old soul, only to be shot down with little to no explanation. This activity might be something the old soul hasn’t even tried before. So it might seem frustrating that they seem to refuse to do it without having a good reason. But to them, they feel like they have experienced it in the past, so they just know that they won’t like it. These people are extremely set in their ways, and this can be difficult to deal with, especially for people who want to go out exploring, and experience the world and all its secrets. Sometimes this stubborn-seeming personality and behavior of old souls can be so incompatible with their lovers that the relationship seems doomed to failure.


5. Old Souls Have A Strong Sense Of Purpose

Imagine living countless lives, over and over again. After a while, wouldn’t you start to get bored? Wouldn’t you become tired by the same old thing happening over and over again? Things like marriage, having kids, and getting a run of the mill job are experiences that an old soul has presumably lived through countless times. So it’s no surprise that these old souls try to aim for something new and interesting in their lives. Something… bigger than just going through the same motions again and again. Something… important. If old souls are indeed capable of, at least on some level, remembering their past lives, don’t you think they would want to chain their multiple lives together with something that gives those lives in their entirety meaning? This thing is a purpose, a mission, something that these people try to advance and strive towards in each of their lives. And because of this, it’s extremely important to them.

But what does that mean for people trying to form a relationship with old souls? Unfortunately, it often means that old souls think of relationships as “secondary” to their greater purposes in life. They are very driven people, and often they will choose to pursue their real purpose in life rather than a relationship. This can cause confusion and pain for those who are in love with old souls. It can often feel life the relationship is just a side show to the “main event” of old souls’ lives. But it can also be very exciting and inspiring to be in love with someone who is so driven and goal-oriented. A balance can be struck between love and achieving one’s purpose. Just don’t try to get in the way of what they’re trying to do with their lives, and always support what they’re doing. This way, they will see you as an asset to their mission in life, rather than a hurdle they must surpass in order to reach it.

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  1. This article was very interesting. I liked the fact you gave a few definitions to old soul because there are so many meanings to it. I like how the article addressed the issues of children who mature faster due to events in their early life. I also liked how you gave multiple suggestions on how to cope with and help the old soul through these problems. I have experience with both the trauma old soul and the reincarnation old soul. My mother called me an “old soul” when I was a teenager because I tended to offer logical and good advice to her on many topics. I had such sound advice because I watched other people make the same mistakes and I saw ways they could have avoided it. When I began dating, I didn’t know (and still don’t) how to interact in a relationship because neither of my parents (who divorced when I was one years old) had a steady, healthy relationship. This has made dating my boyfriend very difficult. My boyfriend is also considered an old soul but more in the sense of reincarnation. His parents claimed he knew impossible things as a child and creeped them out. I found this article very helpful because I can take a lot of these tips and apply them to myself and significant other. Thank you.

  2. It’s interesting, this “old soul” idea, because some other websites (such as Buzzfeed) post articles about being “grandparent-y” even though the person is only in their twenties. A lovely thing about old souls are they way the articulate in different situations. Almost as if they have managed to be in every situation possible. Many people find them to be more…caring, sometimes the parental figure of a friend group. All in all, you can just tell there is something about an old soul that sets them apart. I would love to know how many scientific studies (other than the one mentioned about) correlate and backup this “old soul” ideal.

  3. An “old soul”, then, we can understand it as a mature, intelligent, empathetic and self-sufficient person but from a much more romantic perspective. I think they are the reason why there is this sapiosexual trend in recent years.

    It sounds fascinating, not as someone to find but to aspire to be … it is for me, much more interesting the construction and education of the “soul” to make it worthy to this categorization. Interesting personality and completely built, sounds difficult and exciting.

  4. I can relate to this. I’ve been told before that I am an old soul in a young body. I’m linked to the definition that my age does not correlate to my maturity. Overall, the article was very interesting! The only problem is that this article strictly emphasized that children who have a single parent tend to mature faster. I do not disagree, to a certain extend it is true, however, there are multiple factors that can influence maturity (i.e. intelligence, empathy, birth order) — those are a few. You need to advice your readers that many things influence us as individuals, it is never just one thing. In addition, how exactly does one know if they have reincarnated? Do they see flashbacks, contain a large capacity for memory, strong instinct, or a dejavú experience?

  5. cool take. practicing living in the here and now helps be more flexible and open. maybe there’s an old soul in all of us that just knows what our heart desires. to get lost in fantasy is one thing, but to be able to travel between feeling secure in what soothes your soul along with trying new and exciting things is another. i feel it’s dangerous to believe anyone has a really fixed mindset to the point where you automatically assume things about them. we should relate to what we observe and take those opportunities to share ourselves with each other. If we’re open to receive, we’re open to be loved in return.

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