Hello, Psych2goers. In this article, we are going to explore how it’s like to understand love as an asexual person. How does an asexual person feel about love? What does it mean to them? Although every asexual person has different experiences and asexuality is a complex term, this article provides general ideas of how some may view love or relationships as an asexual.
1. Development is slow
In Angelica’s experience, she claimed herself as an asexual and never expected any relationships with anyone. As she recalls, she did meet someone and admitted that she was aromantic in the beginning. However, she slowly built her emotional connection with her partner as she starts thinking about him and wanting to talk to him (Sonoma, 2019).
2. Sex is not always crucial
“I am not sexually attracted to him at all, though I love him dearly and I love building a life together with him.” said Elisa, who sees herself as an asexual person. Elisa confessed that sex was just a small component of her life after she met her partner. As an asexual, her only reason is that she wanted children and to have her own family (Sonoma, 2019).
3. Companionship is more valuable
For many asexuals, they cherish their relationships more on being together with their significant other, such as hugging and kissing each other. Sending text messages is also another form of staying connected and supportive of each other (Khoo, 2017).
4. All love is equal
“I don’t believe there is any such thing as ‘true love’ because all love is true. Isn’t that the point in love? No version of it is fundamentally better than another, or more significant or important by default.” said Yasmin, who is a model and asexuality activist. From her perspective, she values the love from friendship and the love from partners as equal. Just because she has a partner, it doesn’t mean her friendship or family relationship is not meaningful to her (Benoit, 2019).
5. Romance is strange
In Yasmin’s experience, romance has always been something strange to her. As she describes her teenage years, she found her friends falling in love romantically. However, she indicates that romance is not something she seeks or wants. Instead, she feels forced to be romantic when she doesn’t have a choice to be aromantic earlier in her life (Benoit, 2019).
6. Watching others’ relationships is more interesting
For some asexuals, being in a relationship is not an immediate priority to them. Rather, they enjoy observing how people around them fall in love and their romantic interactions, but they don’t have much interest to see such romantic relationship happening to themselves (Benoit, 2019).
Though asexuality is not a simple term, what are your thoughts on this topic? Feel free to leave a comment!
Benoit, Y. (2019, December 28). As an asexual, the search for true love is a game I don’t understand. MetroUK. https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/women/im-asexual-and-this-is-how-i-show-love-to-my-partner-149767
Khoo, I. (2017, June 26). How To Make A Relationship Work If Your Partner Is Asexual. Huffington Post. https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/06/23/asexual-partner_a_22716158/
Sonoma, S. (2019, January 24). Asexual People Tell Us What Their Romantic Lives Are Like. Vice. https://www.vice.com/en/article/xwbzgk/asexuality-romantic-relationships-love