Lack of Self-Love..? (6 ways to gain self-love)

It’s something we’ve all already dealt with most likely or are still dealing with it. Nowadays we are more sensitive to how people perceive us. As humans who wish to be accepted and cared for we slowly lose our sense of self-love and others opinions stand out to us more. What should be a helpful evolutionary trait, now blocks the most important trait, that being self-love. Our priorities or self-value comes from the friendships we make or the grades we get. While those things can make us happy it shouldn’t define our happiness or self-worth. Each human being has a specialty in them that they sometimes cannot see. That is why we must make an effort to see ourselves and be happy with who we are, because who can understand you better than you?

Allow yourself to care for yourself. Taking a step forward into self-love requires courage and lots of effort, though the outcomes can change your life forever, for the better. So what can we do to drive self-love? There are 6 steps that you can take.

1- Self Care

It can’t be emphasized enough that you should always give yourself time to treat yourself to something good or something you like. There are two types of self-care you can apply, externally and internally. For instance, you can treat yourself a spa session, sleep on time, eat healthily, exercise daily, and so much more. It isn’t ever bad to listen to your needs, so allow yourself to care for yourself.

2- Take Control of Your Life

“You need to separate yourself from what the world wants you to be and who we deserve to be like.”. An important note told by Chidera Eggeruel in her Tedx Talk. You should never be someone else’s desires or wishes instead, think of what you would want from life. Or be somebody that you are proud of, it isn’t that hard, you just need to believe in yourself.

3- Believe in Yourself

Believing in yourself closely connects with positive self-talk but it delves deeper. Being one of Oprah’s advice for self-love, she emphasizes the belief in action and yourself. She underlines the importance of how we should be self-conscious in the way we think. We can always fall into negative self-talk, but we should make an effort to change back as our thoughts can heavily impact our lives. Try to make an effort into believing yourself as it could be the biggest helping tool to head for your dreams.

4- Positive Self-Talk and/ or Daily Affirmation

Compared to the others I believe this one is harder to control but is the one that can create a bigger change. Like a domino effect, gaining a positive mindset help’s bring the other steps, that I’m listing here, with it. What I do is download a daily affirmation app into my phone so every day in the morning I can read something positive! You can do this or try other methods such as keeping your mind in check for negative thoughts.

5- Focus on what you are grateful for

It can be one of the hardest things to see when you are feeling bad. But it isn’t impossible and can be very rewarding for your inner psyche. Starting by counting the stuff you feel happy about or a source for positivity every night can make a big difference. I’m not saying this is an easy task, but you can start by writing down notes. (E.g “Today the sun shined bright.”, “I read this book that I’ve been wanting to.” or “I spent quality time with my friends and family.”) It feels like a responsibility but you will notice after a while as to how much you have in your life.

6- Take responsibility of your life

There will always be problems you end up needing to deal with. But the most important part is, how you deal with those problems. It can be tempting to let it go with the flow, “wait for the right time” or wait for someone but that type of answer has a risk of not fixing the issue. Wanting for things or situations to happen should be accompanied by action. Let yourself know that you are the one that can create a bigger or better change, you need to believe in yourself. Because, in the end, it’s your responsibility to grow into what you want to be.


Self-love is a type of love that can go a long way with sustaining inner happiness. I feel as though it’s not a topic that is emphasized enough but there more and more people talking on it. So it makes me happy to see that. Rather than promote an idea on what other people think of us is more important than what you think of yourself, we should be working on asking “What would you dream of doing if your self-worth was high? What would you stop doing if you knew you were already worthy.” (Gooden).



If anyone thinks something should be added or taken out I’d appreciate if you contacted me or messaged down bellow. 🙂


TEDx Talks. “Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth | Adia Gooden | TEDxDePaulUniversity.” YouTube, YouTube, 30 May 2018,

TEDx Talks. “What a Time to Be Alone! Releasing the Fear of Being Alone.: Chidera Eggerue: TEDxMauerPark.” YouTube, 19 July 2018,

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