• 7 Common Things We Tend to Fear

    7 Common Things We Tend to Fear 

    You would think the transition from childhood into adulthood would make all fears disappear. But, even in adulthood fears tend to surface. It is no more than illusions of reality and childhood trauma.

    No, I’m not saying everyone had a terrible childhood or are out of touch with reality. We all carry emotions for things that would better us if we simply let go. It’s hard to conclude letting go if you aren’t even aware of what you’re holding on to. So I’ve listed 7 common things we tend to fear and my perspective on how to begin the process of letting go.

    1. Being Alone

    Being alone is a fear that almost every human has experienced at one point in their lives. I have fallen victim to the fear of being alone. But, in the truth that fear wasn't my reality. I am a sister, daughter, aunt, niece, godmother, and best friend. I have a tight crew of people who love me. My fear of being alone is baseless.

    According to Robert Locke of lifehack.com, “The fear of being alone can be caused by different things. Maybe you were or felt abandoned in life before, for example, you were an abandoned child or your partner broke up with you. And so, you came to associate being alone with being unloved. Fear of being alone can also be related to a lack of self-confidence. A person who doesn’t believe in themselves may think that they are not worthy of love and that they’re not capable to make their lives better in any way."

    We are all unique individuals. We all have our thoughts and feelings. The fear of being alone doesn’t have to be negative. Locke also mentions 7 ways to overcome the fear of being alone that are very helpful. My advice is to embrace being an individual. There is no better feeling than being yourself. Even if that means being yourself by yourself.


    2. Feeling Forgotten 

    On earth or even after, we all have the fear of being forgotten. We all work so hard to be who we want to be in life. We put in time and effort, maybe even blood, sweat, and tears.

    There should be some sort of appreciation and recognition in life, whether it’s taking place at home, work, or amongst friends. Without recognition, there is a possibility that we might feel forgotten. All the hard tasks we complete daily are in vain. The attention you give to people in your life should be a two-way street.

    Alexandria Brown at ThoughtCatalog.com mentions, “No one wants to be forgotten. No one wants to think that the time they’ve spent with someone meant nothing. No one wants to feel like they aren’t important. But the problem with leaving is that you can’t control how people react. For some people, it’s out of sight out of mind. Sometimes when you leave it’s hard for people to not think you’re leaving them.”

    We have all been in a situation where we completely severed ties with someone. The events that transpired leading up to that separation had to be negative enough for a person to make a change. There are numerous places the fear of being forgotten can derive from. Focus on where it does not. Align yourself with people who give you daily recognition.


    3. Not Feeling Heard 

    If you consider yourself a great communicator then this fear has crossed your mind at one time or another. But this fear too can be solved by communication, better yet attention to the communication that is taking place around you.

    PathwaytoHappiness.com states, “Sometimes we feel we are not being heard. Sometimes that feeling is from an accurate assessment of other people’s behavior and sometimes it is just us. It may be because of previous emotional experience and we carry that emotion forward. We might not feel heard because in our previous experience we created the belief that we are not heard and still live within that belief paradigm."

    Pay attention to how you communicate. And how you allow others' to communicate to you. If you find yourself overly communicative then there could be a possibility the people whom you are in association with are more focused on their perspective then a meeting of the mind.

    The best way to turn this fear into a positive is to have an honest conversation with whoever you associate with. Talk about how you're feeling as a result of a lack of healthy communication. Remember communication is key.

    4. Not Feeling Loved

    There could be a ton of reasons why a person would not feel loved. Not one human is above the emotion of love. We have love within our family and friends. Pets that we love. We take care of our pets because they're our family. Even if you water plants daily those living species feel that love. As a result, those plants will grow.

    Carrying the mindset of not feeling loved can lead to it becoming a reality. It doesn't have to be that way. Changing your perspective can change your reality.

    Krystine I. Batcho, Ph.D. of PsychologyToday.com stated “If you are hesitant to let someone love you, consider whether your fears are justified. Remember that being loved is an integral part of living. Being closed to love deprives another of one of the most wonderful experiences of being human—loving you. Accepting love might involve some sacrifice, but it can also be one of the most selfless, meaningful, and rewarding challenges you can take.”

    It is important to search for the origin of why you might not feel loved in the first place. If you feel your feelings are valid on why certain individuals don't exude love. Then continue to move forward. Go through the necessary healing process to find the root cause of your fears are necessary. 


    5. Not Feeling Included 

    Not feeling included is hard, especially if you strive for togetherness. Some of us have a small group of friends and others of us have associates, friends, and those friends who have friends. Feeling left out of whatever festivities are taking place is a mood killer. Because in truth we all want to feel included.

    Margarita Tartkovsky, M.S. of PsychCentral.com, writes: It’s your close friends at a party, and you’re not there, because you weren’t invited. Or maybe you get to work, and everyone is talking about the cool event they went to the night before—and no one asked if you wanted to come. Or maybe it was something else altogether. Either way, the fact remains, you didn’t get an invite, and you feel awful. You feel left out.”

    The easiest way to not feel left out is the set the tone. Make the first move on bringing your friends together. There might be times where you don't feel like making the first move, that is okay. Evaluate your group of friends. There should always be a constant stream of reciprocation. But, take into consideration that everyone is working hard in their individual lives to achieve personal goals. Not everyone is on the same time schedule as you. 


    6. Losing A Loved One 

    It is a scary fear. We all are aware that the only way out of this world is through death. Whether you’ve been through a near-death experience, witnessed a relative or friend pass away, or are currently around a relative or friend who is in the final stages of their life than experiencing this fear is hard.

    I experienced quite a bit of death growing up. I understood death and what it meant by the age of 7. It never got easier losing family members. But, I found healthy coping methods to get through grief. 

    Merely Me of HealthCentral.com, states, “It is true that death and dying are an inevitable part of life. We will undoubtedly be faced with multiple losses during our lifetime. But this doesn't mean that we have to surrender the time we have now to fear."

    Seize the moments you have with family and friends. And if you are utilizing all the time available look into healthy coping and releasing mechanisms to do after losing someone you love. Do what feels true to you.


    7. Things Not Working Out 

    When you work hard at something or put forth the effort you expect things to pay off. But if there is a delay the fear of that thing not working out is common. We all have experienced this. But the opposite side of that thought is knowing whatever you want to work out will.

    According to Britt Bolnick at TinyBuhdda.com, “Before we can grow new things, we need to look hard at what isn’t working for us, what isn’t serving us, what needs to go to make space for new, better, more deeply satisfying things to come. That could include work, relationships, ways of spending time, and beliefs. Then we need to clean and fertilize our own fields and soil so we can intentionally plant what we want to grow.”

    A personal tip I constantly use to keep the fear of things not working out away is focusing on what I can control. When I pay attention to my family, friends, and work I can maximize those relationships. I see abundance I receive into my life daily and eventually I forget about the fear of things not working out. I get in the mindset that everything will.


    My call of action to you is to dive deep into what you envision your life to be without fears. Work each day to overcome those fears. Constantly focus on the life you want to live. A life without fear(s). Soon you'll realize what was holding you back is no longer relevant. What was keeping you stagnant is history. 


    How to Stop Liking Your Crush

    How to Stop Liking Your Crush

        It can be incredibly hard to stop liking someone whom you really thought you could see a future with. It can be even harder if you see this person on a daily basis or have met them at work.  I have experienced both, crushing on people that turned out to be not so great of a match for me. I have listed FIVE positive tips for you to consider on how to stop liking your crush.

    1. Get Out There and Try Again

        While it may be tough to hear those words, it is vital to not stop and think about what did not work out. The reality of letting go of something or someone is realizing there are better opportunities coming in. To be able to let these new persons or things into your life you have to be open to receiving them. So, picking yourself up and dusting yourself off is key. As soon as the moment presents itself go out and celebrate in whatever way feels true to you.

        Katie Sweeny, writer for MyDomaine.com stated, “Dating is tough, especially when you inevitably run across a few frogs before finding a prince. You’ll need a good support group in place. As Carrie Bradshaw said, “No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.” Rally your gal pals together.” 

           Even if the first night out on the town is not about finding a match, getting out and making yourself available is a sure way to stop liking your crush. 


    2. Be OPTIMISTIC, not Pessimistic

        Seeing the glass half full after having to bear the crushing defeat of someone not working out is not easy. There may be tears, tissues, and ice cream but after acknowledging those emotions optimism will take you a long way. It is important to not carry resentment into new relationships. Being optimistic about your future will begin the domino effect to stop liking your crush. 

        According to Jessica Levy of blode.com, “ Optimists trust in fate and in themselves. If it didn’t work out, an optimist won’t blame herself or go crazy trying to wonder what she could have done differently to save the relationship. She knows that there is a reason for everything that happens in life. if it wasn’t meant to be, the right guy will come along eventually.” 

        Adopting this mindset will help you see the positive in any situation in life. But, when it comes to crushing on someone who did not work out, you’re able to move on feeling lighter.


    3. Focus on Yourself 

    When you focus on yourself you become more self-aware. When you become self-aware you are able to see certain character traits that you attract into your life. Whether they are positive or negative, taking time to stop and process what works for you in the dating scene and what doesn’t will help you get over who didn’t work out. The goal is to focus on yourself so you are able to date people for your highest good. 

    Lauren Margolis of www.yourtango.com shares, “Keep a positive attitude and focus on loving yourself. These are two very critical things; when you have a positive outlook on life and you give yourself lots of love, you'll feel good. You'll feel so good that your confidence will soar and everybody will start to notice how happy and independent you are.”


    4. Pick Up a New Hobby

    Ask yourself: What do I like? What do I want to do? And do exactly that (in a constructive way) find a new hobby to distract yourself. You can go hiking to get fresh air, swim to clear your mind or paint to release creative energy. Picking up a new hobby is a great way to stop liking a crush. 

    Any Johnson of www.Lifehacks.com states, “A good hobby is entertaining, fulfilling and will enhance your life. There’re in fact many mental benefits of having hobbies.” Amy Johnson lists 50 Low-cost hobbies that will excite you. 

    I love to write and read as a hobby. Whether I’m killing time or wanting to release stress writing and reading is my go-to when I need a distraction. I recently started painting to express myself. But mostly because I took a break from the dating scene. Gaining a new hobby made me learn more about myself. Firstly, I am good at painting and secondly, I  tend to date, codependent people. Sitting and focusing while I’m writing, reading, or painting I’m able to process thoughts to a positive conclusion. Finding a new hobby and getting closer to yourself is a great way to do that. 


    5. Distance Yourself 

    I saved the hardest tip for last. Distancing yourself from someone you like is tough. But, it is the best thing you can do to move forward. Delete text messages, photos, and social media affiliations.  If you and your crush frequent the same places this will give you the opportunity to discover new places. If you are serious about not liking your crush then you have to distance yourself. Not for forever, but until your emotions are in check. If you know it is better to move forward without ever looking back then do what is true to you. 

    Writer at www.higherperspective.com says, “If you do not know what exactly motivates you into meeting others then you may have to spend some time getting to know who you are so that you can understand what makes you the happiest out of everything else.” 

    When you distance yourself you are able to connect with yourself. Becoming closer to yourself is more rewarding than anything because nobody is going to crush on you the same way you crush on yourself.

    These five personal tips are effective ways to stop liking a crush. It may seem like an uphill battle to getting back on your game, but if you consider the list above you will find yourself on your way to emotional freedom. 


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