Mental Illness Recovery Series: Story # 66

This is the mental Illness Recovery story # 66. Anonymous was an independent bubbly person, who one day lost it all and became completely dependent on those around her. With determination and help, she has been able to move forward. This is her story:

Anonymous is from Oakville and raised in Mississauga, Canada. She loves music and the outdoors, especially wildlife and animals. Reading is one of her favorite things to do and she also loves to learn. In 5 years she hopes to be in post-secondary studying either paramedicine or nursing. Anonymous was diagnosed with clinical depression, chronic anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and panic disorder along with a few sleeping disorders. She said, “I still have all of them and will likely have them for the rest of my life.” She is currently receiving cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), talk therapy and frequently visits her doctors. She also is given coping strategies that help immensely.

Anonymous said, “The PTSD was caused by abuse and assault, the rest are present because of genetics or unknown reasons.” She has dealt with many symptoms that manifests physically. She said, “I stress over nothing, feel hopelessness, grief over nothing, extreme despair, less than zero motivation for anything, the unwillingness to live anymore, flashbacks and nightmares form PTSD, hyper vigilance, shaking and sweating, pulse and breathing increases, abdominal issues and migraines, vomiting, inability to focus or concentrate, irritability and easy frustration, crying fits, panic attacks, random panicking over nothing or a trigger, fear, overwhelming sadness, and many more.”

Her mental illnesses has made it difficult to live a normal life. She can only work part time and often cannot make it to her shifts. Anonymous said, “I often can’t take care of myself because hygiene and health go out the window, including cooking and eating.” She has negative thoughts such as suicide and unhealthy behaviors. She often drives everyone away and doesn’t leave her house for weeks. Not only that, but she had to drop out of high school for some time.

Her anxiety and depression put terrible thoughts into her head. Anonymous said”:

“Some of these are no one actually loves or cares for you, you should leave your boyfriend because you’ll never be good enough, he will see who you are and regret being with you, you’ll never be able to provide a normal family life, life will never be the same for you, might as well give up now, you’re helpless and hopeless.”

Unfortunately anonymous has attempted suicide twice and can’t count how many times she’s contemplated it. She has also self-harmed by cutting for a couple years and became addicted to it. She said, “It was a long hard journey to stop, but am now more than a year clean!” Her relationship with others became affected because most cannot understand how she thinks or feels. She draws herself away from others because she feels ashamed, but through this hardship anonymous has been able to create some of the strongest relationships she has today with her parents and best friend.

The turning point for anonymous was when she had to drop high school. She said, “I was making a decision to stop everything and focus on my recovery.” She focused on learning about herself so she can manage and work. Anonymous also said, “I have been at it for almost a year now, and I am still focusing on getting myself under control.” The strategies she uses is to talk with those she trusts about her thoughts, she is also self-training a psychiatric service dog right now.” Anonymous said, “Only 0.01% of Canadians that have service animals have successfully trained their own. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is also the most rewarding. It keeps me going every day, gives me a reason to get out of bed, and gives me hope in the future that I’ll be able to be independent. The dog will be able to bring me out of panics, notify me of my mental state so I can recognize bad thought and behaviors, he will be able to bring me out of nightmares and get me up when I’m down.” Not only that, but she is also taking Tae Kwon Do for self-confidence and constructive physical activity. She surrounds herself with family, her best friend and boyfriend to boost her mood and give her advice when she needs it the most.

Her life has changed drastically. She was a straight A student who ended up dropping out of high school for some time. Her will, joy and bubbly attitude was destroyed. She was independent in many ways and has ended up relying completely on others. Now, her point of views has changed, her life was school, but now it is the relationships with the people she loves the most.

Anonymous has learned many things through her mental illnesses, she said:

“Life is not fair. It never will be. But that does not mean you give up. Some of us are born in perfect health, some are born with terminal illnesses, and some are born with something somewhere in between. We cannot choose our start in life, but we can choose how we proceed. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone faces the bad of the world at some point or another. Everyone has their struggles, some worse than others, but struggles none the less. What I learnt most heavily from this is how much I should be relying on God. I found Christ through my ordeals and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

This is her advice for others dealing with mental illness:

“The first thing I would suggest is seek professional help. Its confidential, it’s safe, and it’s the first step to a brighter future. It’s scary, I know. But is worth it. Please just do it. The next thing would be to find community support from people you know. It could be at a church, a trusted family member or adult friend. But share your troy and build confidence in yourself. I would also suggest that others find Christ in their lives as well. It has changed my life for the better so drastically, I recommend it to everyone.”

Anonymous has been through a great deal, and it makes me happy she has been able to start her journey through recovery. Help me make a difference by sharing your story. If you or anyone you know needs a safe place to vent out and recieve advice feel free to become a member of the Mental Illness Recovery Series Group on Facebook.