ok so it happened like 8 months ago, I found out my first love had been cheating on me for months with his ex girlfriend that I hate the most (imma skip the whole thing it’s too long) then I started cutting myself and started being suicidal, almost like everytime of the day. it was the final year of high school and as a student in hk we have to face the biggest challenge of our student life, the DSE that can ruin lives, but then I was emotionally unstable so I couldn’t attend school and as I had to be reasonable to my absence, my school made me go to the hospital, there I was diagnosed “adjustment disorder” and “depression” my suicidal behavior doesnt stop until now, I would start crying then cutting my whole arm, neck and banging my head on the wall. just a few months ago, I was so lost I started having sex with other men just to “have fun” and numb the pain, I also I thought I was regaining confidence in them coz they would compliment on my appearance making me feel proud of my body. I was so low on self esteem those times, I thought it was becoz I wasnt attractive enough and I would question myself all night long and then cry myself to sleep. for some time I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror. i know i shouldn’t take back my cheating ass boyfriend but he was lost on his way to revenge on his ex girlfriend so he used me to make her jealous (I know I know no excuses to cheaters) but anyway he’s sorry and he’s been sticking around trying to cure me. im a lot better now, comparing to the person I was 3 months ago. I changed a lot too, someone that I can barely recognize. although I can’t feel love anymore and I’m basically emotionless right now I know that he cares about me and I hope one day I’ll be able to get pass that.