Nostalgia? Or Holding on to a fantasy?

“When you put someone on a pedestal, or on hold, or to the side, or whatever you wanna call it, do you think that’s a compliment? Because it’s not, it’s the opposite. And you know why? Because I am not that fantasy, I’m better than that fantasy, I’m real.” This quote really stood out to me as I watched Hector and the Search for Happiness. In this scene he’s talking to his past love and says he wonders what could have been. It made me think differently about times when people talk about their “ones that got away”. She’s offended she’s become this dream and he’s stuck on it instead of moving on.

This also seems to happen when people have crushes. (I’ll specify to romantic crushes.) It took me awhile to find out what that was because I don’t think I’ve ever had one. Maybe I’m picky or something but back to the actual subject…Crushes are fantasy. And seeing my friends being admirers has taught me more about them than the people they admire. They talk about how certain traits are so wonderful and that seems to be the only things they see cause that’s what they like about them. This then, most of the time, fades away after they get to know them and crushes reveal their true selves.

It’s actually healthy to reminisce. Studies at Loyola University say that thinking of good memories for 20 minutes can lift spirits. It was also proven to motivate people and make people believe life has meaning. According to studies from the U.K, memories give us belonging. It’s healthy to add positive reminiscing to your daily life.

More about the one that got away… that is someone from the past. Thinking about the “good old days” are great, HOWEVER, if only the negatives of the past are brought up, this will dampen mood. If you feel bad, you’ll then feel bad about yourself. People hold on to only the things they liked and holding onto those traits will idealize a person and turn them into something greater than they are. Sounds like crush fantasies right? It takes time but there is not simple “moving on”. Losing is different for everyone and it’s important for people to learn from their losses instead of focusing on what could have been.

So next time you’re pondering about your “one that got away”…are you really remembering them or the idea of them? Is it good to bring up the past or should it stay in the past? Think about yourself too. How have you changed from that person that was in love with them?

Sources:

1. “The Crush Psychology.” Purplexdme. Word Press, 29 Jan. 2013. Web.
2. Delistray, Cody. “The Trouble With Idealizing The People We Love.” Thought Catalogue. N.p., n.d. Web.
3. Fisher, John Arbuthnot Fisher. Memories. London: Hodder and Stoughton, 1919. Print.
4. Nolan, Peggy. “8 Ways to Cure Over-Thinking and Regain Your Happiness.” The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, n.d. Web.
5. Pappas, By Stephanie. “Why You Shouldn’t Put Your Partner on a Pedestal.” LiveScience. TechMedia Network, 21 Apr. 2014. Web.
6. Weller, Chris. “Nostalgia Is Good For You: When We Reminisce, Life Feels More Meaningful And Death Less Frightening.” Medical Daily. Medical Daily, 12 July 2013. Web.