Obsessive Love Disorder: What is it?

Being in love can be a wonderful feeling. Unfortunately though, there are some instances where true love can actually be confused with obsessive love. Obsessive love can lead to something known as Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD). This is a relatively new disorder, and we want to give you more information about some of the signs, causes and treatments.

Please note that this is created for educational purposes, and in no way meant to diagnose or medically advise. We are here to help clue you into some of the common signs and treatments, but not to encourage self-diagnosis. If you think you, your partner, or a loved one might be suffering from OLD, please seek the help of a professional.

What does “obsessed” really mean?

What is an obsession? This term is thrown around so often in our society that it is hard to distinguish a figurative obsession from one that is actually problematic. The website AlleyDog.com cites a psychological obsession as “the inability of a person to stop thinking about a particular topic or feeling a certain emotion without a high amount of anxiety” (AlleyDog). It is important to remember that obsessions are anxiety-inducing because they are unwanted. When someone has an obsession, they feel like they have to keep ruminating over something because they feel anxious not thinking about it.

In OLD, the object of obsession is either a crush or romantic partner. In either case, the person with this disorder develops an obsessive attachment or attraction to someone else. This can result in extremely possessive and controlling behavior (Dean 2020).

What are some signs?

Signs of OLD essentially fall under the larger category of control, possiveness, insecurity, and extreme anxiety. It is likely that someone with OLD will possess a variety of signs, such as low self-esteem, intense manipulation of their partner, obsessive thoughts of the person, intense jealousy, extreme attraction, and a constant need for reassurance from their partner, to name a few (Dean 2020).

The reason that the signs are so variant is that OLD is a disorder that can stem from a variety of other disorders that can range as well. For this reason, OLD is not actually classified as a disorder by itself and thought to be caused by these other disorders (Hiyeonni 2019).  Examples of these disorders are personality disorders, attachment disorders, and anxiety disorders (Cherney 2018). Let’s talk more about that.

Which disorders can cause OLD?

As we said before, many different mental health disorders can be a precursor to OLD. Among these are personality disorders. While this could pertain to a number of personality disorders,  Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is the most commonly cited. In fact, a 2020 article from Better Help claims that BPD is the most common precursor to OLD against any other mental health disorder, personality-related or not (Dean 2020). BPD often brings about self-image issues and a fear of abandonment (Mayo Clinic Staff 2019). Logically, an intense fear of abandonment can lead to a spiral into obsessive love, because someone may develop an intense insecurity that their partner will leave them. In addition, according to the Mayo Clinic, a few common symptoms of BPD are extreme avoidance of rejection and idealization, which can lead to unstable relationships and the development of BPD (Mayo Clinic Staff 2019).

Another cause of OLD are attachment disorders (Cherney 2018). There are currently two recognized attachment disorders and they are reactive attachment disorder (RAD), and disinhibited social engagement disorder (DSED) (Moren 2020). Both of these disorders present a little bit differently, but they share the commonality of childhood neglect or negative treatment from primary caregivers (Moren 2020).  Childhood neglect can bring about feelings of insecurity, worthlessness, and anxiety. OLD may develop as a form of compensation for these feelings by acting on these insecurities in a damaging way (Dean 2020).

Anxiety disorders, specifically Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ODC), can lead to OLD. Did you notice how similar these two disorders sound? It is because they are both rooted and an unwanted and uncontrollable obsession. It is well known that intrusive thoughts are a large component of OCD. If these thoughts are about the relationship or partner, OCD can lend itself to becoming OLD (Dean 2020).

How can someone treat this?

Unfortunately, because the causes of OLD can vary so much, the treatments are not so clear-cut either. Experts suggest seeing a professional to help identify the underlying cause of an individual’s OLD and figure out some treatments from there (Villines 2019).

However, even without knowledge of what is causing someone’s OLD, there are still some things they can do. For example, avoiding the object of obsession, or reminders of them, is an effective way to minimize some obsessive thoughts (Dean 2020, Villines 2019). Mindfulness and taking up new hobbies are also great ways to distract from obsessions.

Is it love?

Although “love” is in the name of the disorder, many people wonder if OLD is actually a form of love at all. The short answer is no. A lot of the signs do feel like an amplified version of healthy love, such as attraction or thinking about someone. However, the differences between the two lie mainly in the differences in who the thoughts are actually about: the other person or the person with OLD (Dean 2020). With obsessive love, the other person is not really loved. They are more or less objectified and controlled by the person suffering from OLD (Dean 2020).

We hope you enjoyed learning about Obsessive Love Disorder. For more information about healthy and unhealthy love, check out some of our other videos and articles. Thanks for reading!

References

Cherney K. “Obsessive Love Disorder: Symptoms, What it is, Causes, and More”. Healthline. 10 January 2018.

Dean ME. “What is Obsessive Love Disorder?” Betterhelp. 24 March 2020.

Hiyeonni. “Obsessive love disorder? | is it real? What are the symptoms?”. Hiyeonni. YouTube. 05 February 2019.

Mayo Clinic Staff. “Borderline personality disorder – Symptoms and causes”. Mayo Clinic. 17 July 2019.

Morin A. “What is an Attachment Disorder?” Very Well Mind. 25 February 2020.

“Obsession definition”. Psychology Glossary. AlleyDog. N.d.

Villines Z. “Obsessive love disorder: Symptoms and treatment”. Medical News Today. 22 November 2019.