October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

The purple awareness ribbon is an insignia of courage. It serves as a reminder for us that there are people brave enough to step out of their fears and let the world know that they went through a horrible part of their lives – and survived. It also serves as a beacon of hope for people who have yet to gather their courage to stand up and fight.

But how can you ask for help when all you ever receive in return is be a man?

A wise poet once said that most people don’t realize that tragedy and silence have the exact same address. Oftentimes the guilt and the shame would cover your mouth before common sense could urge you to reach out and ask for help. How could you though, when you are expected to be strong?

Whenever someone paints a picture of domestic violence, most often than not it is the man that is portrayed as the attacker and the women doing whatever they can to protect themselves. We fail to notice that in the 5 victims of domestic violence we have per day, 2 of them are males. We have been so used to men being the aggressor that we tend to neglect the ones who are the victims, no matter how small of a percentage they might be.

Male domestic violence victims may be reluctant to get help for a number of reasons. First of all, some studies have shown that women who have assaulted their male partners have avoided arrest even when the male victims contact the police.

Another study examined the difference in how male and female batteres were treated by the criminal justice systems. The study concluded that female intimate violence perpetrators are frequently viewed by law enforcement and the criminal justice systems as victims rather than the actual offenders of violence against men. Other studies have also demonstrated a high degree of general acceptance of aggression against men by women.

It is also prevalent here in my home country. The Philippines is extremely patriarchal despite the slight shift in the views regarding gender roles. Socially, we put so much weight on the roles of the males and whenever he is unable to complete his roles as the more dominant of the two genders, he gets ridiculed; even more so when he is battered or beaten by a woman.

With my country’s situation, I can chalk it up to culture. We Filipinos have been raised with the notion that gender roles are supposed to be complimentary: men held much of the dominance and physical power while women hold the emotional power and charm. However, I also see the much needed dominance also reflected in other cultures apart from ours. It is decided that it is always the male who are supposedly strong. We fail to remind ourselves that men are people too, just as fragile and just as human.

How about you? What do you think? Do we need radical paradigm shift in order for male victims to have a voice? How can we show our support to these victims regardless of gender and gender roles?

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and in the spirit of the coming month, if you know anyone who is abused, or if you are abused, please don’t hesitate to ask for help. Call a friend or a loved one or even contact any of our writers here. We’ll be here for you.

References:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men

http://hronlineph.com/resources/domestic/ra-9262-anti-violence-against-women-and-their-children-act/