People Who Are Similar Are More Likely to Fall for One Another
Opposites attract is an age old adage and something we see time and time again in movies, TV shows, and novels. Some of our favourite fictional couples appear to be extremely different, and often they hate each other in the beginning which makes their love seem even more intense (see Pride and Prejudice for a classic example of this). But is opposites attract really applicable to non-fiction? Or should it just be left in the world of make believe?
As discussed previously in this article, the human species has been found to actually be more attracted to those with whom we share similarities. In Newcomb’s 1956 experiment into the effect of personality towards attraction, he gathered a sample of 17 male participants and had them live together in an “experimental dorm”. Research showed that the participants liked their housemates more if they had similar attitudes about sex, family, and politics.
Donn Byrne conducted another experiment into similarity and attraction. He asked 150 participants to fill out a 26 item attitude survey. This survey included attitudes towards a variety of subjects, such as premarital sex and television shows. They were then asked to read the same surveys that had supposedly been completed by other students (but in actuality had been filled out by the experimenter) and then rated the fictitious student on their responses.
Results showed that the fictitious students were liked more when their responses agreed with those of the participants. The stranger was especially well-liked when the stranger answered all 26 items on an attitude survey exactly as the participant had. It was also found that the stranger would be thought of as more intelligent, knowledgeable, moral, and better adjusted as similarity of their attitudes increased.
This relationship between similarity and attraction has no singular cause, but rather there are a number of factors that contribute to it. One of these factors is that agreeing upon fundamental issues reduces conflict, and so paves the way for a smoother relationship. Another is that we enjoy feeling validated, as someone agreeing with you makes you feel better about yourself and therefore them. As self-centred as it may sound, we’re also impressed when people like the same things as we do, as it implies good taste.
However, these both these studies are flawed. Newcomb’s small sample size and gender bias means that his results can’t be generalised universally as they may not apply to the majority – they definitely may not apply to women. Byrne only conducted his experiment on students, so there is a definite age bias, and he lied to his participants. This is highly problematic, as it’s against the Code of Ethics and Conduct to lie to your participants.
The theory that we only like those who share the same traits also doesn’t reveal why we may be in relationships with those with whom we don’t always agree with. Chances are that if you think of all the couples you know, there will be as many dissimilar ones as similar ones.
So if we’re not attracted to those similar to us, who are we attracted to?
Some believe that it’s more important for our attributes to complement rather than copy each other. This view explains why people who are seemingly opposites can actually be in a healthy relationship. Researchers such as Milton Rosenbaum in his 1986 study have given evidence towards this theory of attraction, as he found that attitudinal dissimilarity, rather than attitudinal similarity, may drive the similarity-liking link. Unfortunately this theory is not perfect and has little other evidence to support it.
What’s your opinion on the matter? Do opposite attract, or is the very notion of it just fiction?
– Charlotte
http://www.lawsofattraction.com/psychology/similarity/
http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G2-3045302452.html
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0022103171900655
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