Psychological Secrets of Attraction

Knowing whether or not someone is “into you” can be incredibly difficult if they don’t explicitly say it. While we have a tendency to think our attractiveness is boiled down to looks alone, it turns out being seen as attractive is a lot more complicated, and there are subtle ways to tell if someone sees you that way. In this article, we will be looking at some psychological secrets of attraction. These can serve as hints that someone is attracted to you, as well as subtle secrets to be more attractive to others.

Body Language Tells A Lot

In general, people who seem friendly, conversational, and approachable will appear more attractive than those who appear cold, reserved, and checked out (Sundem 2016). While we can sense a lot of these just by talking to someone, there are many ways that you can get these feelings from someone non-verbally. When you’re talking to someone, do they cross their legs, and appear more on edge? Or do they seem relaxed, open and are facing towards you? When someone is attracted to you, they tend to be engaged in what you’re saying and will show that both verbally and non-verbally (Sundem 2016).

People Attracted to You Tend to be Physically Closer

In general, when something or someone is pulling you in, you will want to be closer to it. When someone is attracted to you, you may find that they are usually closer in proximity than others normally would be (Science of People 2021A). Perhaps they even find opportunities to get closer, like sitting next to you whenever they have a chance. You may also notice that they will lean in towards you when speaking or will swivel themselves in your direction. This is a subtle sign that they want to give you their full attention.

Eye Contact Is Everything

Gazing deeply into another person’s eyes is a huge sign of attraction. Doing this increases oxytocin, which is the “love hormone.” If someone is attracted to you, you may find that their eye contact is a little bit longer than what you would expect out of someone else (Science of People 2021A). Additionally, you may also notice that their pupils dilate more. This is also related to an increase in oxytocin and dopamine and is a similar effect to drug use (Daniel 2021). Maybe this is why love is considered a drug? 

Note that while this is true for a lot of people, some people, especially those with social anxiety or on the autism spectrum may not behave in the same way (Daniel 2021).

Beards are Also Great

Beards have typically been associated with a person’s attractiveness. Specifically, those who have stubble or other smaller beards (Online Psychology Degree 2021). On the contrary, people that have extremely large beards are usually seen  as less attractive. Having some stubble can serve as an indicator of a healthy, clean, and well-maintained lifestyle while also defining your jaw line. Additionally beards can help make a face look more symmetrical, something that is desirable. Another great way to make your face appear symmetrical if you don’t want, or can’t grow facial hair, is to wear a nice pair of glasses.

Your Voice Changes Around People You are Attracted to

When talking to someone that’s attracted to you, you may find that their voice changes slightly. Some people may deepen their voice to sound more masculine, dominant, and powerful or it might go in the other direction and have a higher pitch which is also desirable (Daniel 2021). Sound is a big part of how we perceive people, so people will put emphasis on how they sound to stand out (Online Psychology Degree 2021).

Fidgeting Can be a Sign of Attraction 

Sometimes being around a certain someone can be nerve-wracking. If you’re constantly analyzing the words you say, you may find that you are more self-conscious and will partake in nervous behaviors. People attracted to you can do this as well. They may fidget more, sound awkward, and seem more nervous – especially before they get to know you more and relax (Daniel 2021). However, it is important to be aware that this can also show disinterest. Look to see if they are uncomfortable because they are trying to impress you versus avoiding you. If they are trying to avoid you, you may notice that they are looking away more and are finding distractions (Daniel 2021).

Attraction has a lot of different facets to it, some that quiet mysterious. We hope this article was able to shed some light on these lesser known elements. Please let us know what you think of this article and if you can think of anymore “secrets.” Take care!


  • Daniel, F. (2021, June 24). From Flushed Skin To Eye Contact: 27 Signs That Someone’s Attracted To You. Mindbodygreen.
  • FarFromAverage. (2017, July 1). PSYCHOLOGICAL SECRETS OF ATTRACTION [Video]. YouTube.
  • Online Psychology Degree Guide. (2020, September 28). 10 Fascinating Facts About the Psychology of Attraction.
  • Science of People. (2021a). 3 Ways to Instantly Tell When Someone is Attracted to You.
  • Science of People. (2021b). How to Be More Attractive: 15 Rules to Increase Attraction.
  • Sundem, G. (2016, April 2). A Surprising Secret of Attraction. PsychologyToday.

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