Everyone desires love, and it takes great strength and courage to get in the dating field to find a partner who is compatible with you, especially when you have had your heart broken by someone before. Some lucky individual finds love and ends up marrying them, while others don’t last. However, what hurts the most is being played by a lover.
What is Ludus?
Ludus love is also known as a game-playing and uncommitted love attitude. People with this particular attitude in love often consider it as a game and play with other people’s feelings. The number of people who are interested in them gives them a sense of achievement. Ludics have a common trait of deception and manipulation in their relationships. They tend to be low on commitment, prefer to have no strings attached and are often emotionally distant. These people don’t see themselves in a long term relationship.
According to Rosalba Raffagnino and Luisa Puddu (2018), Ludus lovers have an avoidant attachment style, This is seen in men more women. Vedas and his colleague (2016) suggest that women report dissatisfaction in there relationship because of this factor as compared to men.
For those who are interested in assessing their or their partner’s love attitude scale, use the link below.
Love Attitude Scale: https://las.blogspot.com/
In this article, I will be discussing a few signs of a player and how to be aware of them.
Constantly on his phone but won’t reply
You see them on their phone texting, smiling, giggling, and sending photos, but when it comes to you, you see yourself waiting for their reply. You can see them being online but still won’t reply to you. This can help let you know that you’re not the only person they’re communicating with and that you’re not the only person on their mind. When you can’t seem to capture their attention when you’re together, this may be an indicator that they’re playing the field.
Last-minute rain check.
You have been planning for days, and you schedule your weekends for them. However, if they always come up with excuses that make you say “it’s okay, maybe next time”, there might be a problem. Remember, once is an incident, twice is a coincidence, thrice is always on purpose.
They always change the plan last minute, and leave you hanging. This might be a sign you are been played.
They are secretive towards you.
He might come off as a secretive person. Being mysterious or introverted is one thing, but not wanting the partner to know what is going on in their life, job, leisure activity, and so on is a huge red flag they are hiding something from you. When you ask them what they are up to, their usual response always tends to be “nothing much”, “Just chilling” or won’t even care to respond. If you are with someone who cannot provide you with a straight answer and constantly keep you in confusion, it is no surprise that you are dating a player.
They always have an excuse.
When you confront them about their behavior, such as them always not replying, not opening up, being secretive, always cancel plans last minute and so on, players always have a heart touching excuse. And even though you know their excuses are not true, you end up compromising with their words due to their charm. Players are good at words and persuasion to keep you wrapped around their fingers.
They don’t want anyone to know about the relationship.
One way to know whether you are dating a player is to ask them about their friends and family. If they always dodge the question, find excuses or change the topic, that is a huge sign. Yet, they have met yours in order to get to know someone and establish new connections. They might want to go out to places with lesser crowd so that they won’t bump into anyone who knows them. They don’t want to involve you in their lives with their friends and family because they might not see you as someone they would commit to or be with long term. This is typically the sign of a player, as it shows that you’re not important to them.
They are flaky and flirtatious.
A player may seem flaky. Their behavior towards you tends to switch from being cold and detached to being loving and flirtatious from time to time. For example, one moment they may tell you that you mean the world to him, and the next thing you know, they become hard to reach and emotionally closed off without any reason. You might even blame or question whether you said or did something wrong for them to become so cold towards you. Chances are, it’s not really your fault, it’s because they may be a player.
7. Turns any conversation in his court
One of the top signs that you are dating a player is that they will use deception and manipulation to prioritize their own needs and wants, without caring or considering your needs. Remember, a healthy relationship consists of mutual respect, trust, and compassion, rather than placing the focus only on yourself.
Always ready for sexual talk
Another top and obsolete sign someone is a player is when they always like to turn the conversation with you into something sexual. For example, they are not ready to meet you up on a date but are ready to kiss you and take you into their bed, even when you feel pressured to do things that you are not ready for. Don’t kiss on the first date if you don’t feel like it and if they make you uncomfortable with such inappropriate behaviors, they are definitely a player. Don’t settle down with someone who does not know how to respect you and your boundaries!
What are your thoughts so far? Have you met or dated anyone who displays any of these signs? Comment below.
Hendrick, C. & Hendrick, S. (1986). A theory and method of love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50, 392-402.
Raffagnino, R. and Puddu, L. (2018) Love Styles in Couple Relationships: A Literature Review. Open Journal of Social Sciences, 6, 307-330. https://doi.org/10.4236/jss.2018.612027
Vedes, A., Hilpert, P., Nussbeck, F.W., Randall, A.K., Bodenmann, G. and Lind W.R. (2016) Love Styles, Coping, and Relationship Satisfaction: A Dyadic Approach. Personal Relationships, 23, 84- 7. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12112