Stay Single Until…

Ever heard the saying, What you’re not ready for will never find you”? Do you think that holds true for love and romantic relationships, too? Well, whether you agree or not, there’s no denying the facts. According to psychology, relationship readiness is one of the most crucial factors in predicting whether or not a couple stays together or splits up in the long run (Hadden, Agnew, & Tan, 2018). 

And much like love, relationship readiness is about more than just a feeling, too! It’s also about your level of emotional maturity, security, stability, self-awareness, self-esteem, and willingness to commit (Agnew, Hadden, & Tan, 2019). 

With that said, if you’ve been looking for signs about whether you should stay single or move on with someone new, then look no further! Here are 7 clear signs that will tell you whether or not you are emotionally ready for a serious relationship:

1. You’ve healed from all your past heartbreaks.

First and foremost, no one should ever jump into a new relationship if they’re not yet over their last one, because doing so would be incredibly unfair to the other person. So take a good long look at yourself and be honest about whether or not you’ve healed from all your past heartbreaks. Do you still feel bitter, angry, or resentful towards your ex or yourself? Or still holding on to the hope that you can still work things out with them someday? If the answer is no, then you’re ready to move forward with someone new. 

2. You start feeling more confident about yourself.

As easy as it would be to roll our eyes when we hear trite platitudes like, “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first” or “true love comes from self-love,” deep down inside, we all know it’s true. Because the first and most important relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself. And when you don’t like who you are or find it hard to accept your own flaws and past mistakes, no relationship can ever give you what you’re looking for.

3. You are able to enjoy your own company.

Similar to the last point, before entering any serious commitments, it’s important that we are confident not only about ourselves but about where we are in our lives, too. So if you’re able to enjoy being single and enjoy spending time with yourself, that’s when you know you’re not chasing love for all the wrong reasons. You know you don’t need a relationship to feel happy or whole because you feel good about who you are and it doesn’t make you feel lonely to be alone. 

crop woman playing guitar near piano

4. You feel comfortable sharing yourself and your life with someone.

When you’re more confident about yourself and able to enjoy your own company, that’s how you know that a relationship is something you want more than you need. And when you feel good about yourself and who you are, finding romance is more about sharing love than seeking it. The relationship exists to deepen and affirm this self growth, rather than just filling an empty void you used to feel in your life. You don’t bother trying to change yourself to impress other people or get them to like you, because you’re comfortable with who you are and you want to share that with someone.

5. You find someone you have a meaningful connection with.

All too often do people make the mistake of rushing into relationships wanting the passion and excitement, but not being ready for the intimacy and commitment. And they have to learn the hard way that no relationship can survive on love and attraction alone. So until you find someone you have a deep, meaningful connection with, it might be better to just stay single altogether and save yourself the disappointment. 

6. You’re sure you know what you want.

Another undeniable sign that you are now ready to start receiving true love is when you can say, without a doubt in your mind, that you know what you want in a partner — and we’re not talking about rigid, superficial expectations, too! We’re talking about wanting a partner whose values and life goals will align with yours, who will be wonderful to love and share your life with. So regardless of whether you’re looking for someone patient, generous, and kind, or someone funny, caring, and passionate, what matters most is that you know what you want now and you won’t settle for anything less.

7. You genuinely feel ready to be in a relationship.

Finally but perhaps most importantly, you should definitely stay single until you feel you are genuinely ready for a serious relationship with someone; not because you’re afraid to be alone, or because you want someone to pick up the pieces of your broken heart, or even because you feel there is something missing in your life. Gone are the days of you making overeager, half thought out choices and thinking only about the present. You know in your heart that you’re ready to settle into something more meaningful now, and you don’t care how long it takes. You’re willing to wait for true love because you know that what’s meant for you will always find you. 

So, do you relate to any of the things we’ve mentioned here? Did it make you realize you’re ready for a relationship now? Or that you’re better off staying single for now? Either way, it’s always important to be honest with yourself and embrace the truth, no matter how scary it might seem. And always remember: true love is about more than just finding the right person – it’s also about being the right person. 

References:

  • Hadden, B. W., Agnew, C. R., & Tan, K. (2018). Commitment readiness and relationship formation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44(8), 1242-1257.
  • Agnew, C. R., Hadden, B. W., & Tan, K. (2019). It’s about time: Readiness, commitment, and stability in close relationships. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 10(8), 1046-1055.

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