Struggles of a Socially Anxious Introvert.

As an introvert it has always been tough for me to manage in the society that consists of the world outside my house. Most people think introvert-ism is all about staying quiet, disliking people and keeping it all to oneself. But there’s more to the psychology that you may not know. I won’t know much about other people of my kind, but I can tell you about me and the problems I face in my everyday life.

 

1) Major characteristic of an introvert is to stay indoors. Which is the same with me. My family finds it hard to make me leave the house and go outside even to buy the minimal daily groceries or utility items. I just don’t like to. It is like to get up and step into the world where I have to talk to strangers and ask them questions and also answer their questions. It’s hard for me to do so. We are quite beings. I do not like to engage into a conversation which involves in buying and selling of products. I would prefer the nearest mall , pick up the items on a cart and go to the counter to pay the bill, without any exchange of words.

 

 

2) I would mostly prefer if you just text me and not call even when the situation is of utter importance. Picking up the phone and responding is tough, saying “hello” is tough, believe me. The very sound of the phone buzzing makes me nauseas, and hence for the last five years, my phone had never been anything other than in the silent mode. Yes, my mom and dad always shout on me when I don’t pick up their calls due to the very reason, but I continue to do so.

 

3) I am not always quiet. I like talking, I like talking more than anything. But it’s with the correct crowd that I need to be around. People who are close shall tell you how much I talk and how loudly I do it. But then someone from the neighborhood would say “oh! Her? She’s so quiet, you won’t even find her outside her house.”. I have friends, but a very rare few. I have my family, my mom and dad, my aunt, my grandmamma; they are the only people with whom I am no more an introvert, but a loud extrovert. Although, I haven’t talked with my other relatives in ages.

 

 

4) You know, I see people talking with people. I wonder how they do it. Is there’s some kind of special power you must have? Do you need to know some tricks to enchant someone to talk? But its not that hard, my friend tells me, who is friends with lots of people. It is that you go and say “hi” and then begin, sometimes you don’t even need to say the minimal “hi” and you become friends. I ask her “how?”. Each and every day I just go to my college, talk with the only few people I know, and return home. I also won’t talk with you if you don’t talk with me on the first place. Yes, I am quite a jumbled up kind.

 

5) Suppose you like a cute guy and you want to go out with him, but you’re an introvert. He doesn’t know you exist but that’s not an issue coz you can just go up to him and ask him out. Now tell me, being an introvert, what you would have done? What I do is that, NEVER ASK HIM OUT, because how bad can it go? Quoting Monica Geller, I’ll reply “he could hear me!!!”. So introvert-ism basically keeps you single, unless another cute guy comes and asks you out himself.

 

6) Wonder who is the worst when it comes to job interviews? I am. Answering the very predictable question that say something about yourself becomes the hardest part, but then comes the point when they ask you about what are your skills. I would say that I can write sometimes, but what do I write? Would I like to share it with them? Of course not! They are completely mine and none of theirs to read it out loud! Even if I would get a job, how will I warn my juniors about deadlines and work pressures? , how will I present my ppts in front of the whole conference room? These are the thoughts that keep me awake at mid nights.

 

7) Bus rides, it is the time of the day when you have to see faces of strangers and stand or sit beside them. When I was a little girl, and used to go out with my mom, she used to ask the fellow passengers what are the stoppages where they will get down the bus so that we could get the seat. For me, it is never to ask them if they are ever getting down the bus, even if I have to keep standing for my whole journey. Asking them is talking with them and that’s too much for me, sometimes it becomes a bit embarrassing, so I don’t ask. I’d rather keep standing, always!

 

8) My sister tells me that headphones are the new breathing requirements. People can’t live without them. She is right, because I cannot. What is a world if there’s no headphone? Going out or staying at home, I keep my plugs in. Sounds funny? Most introverts develop habits and hobbies. I love to read books, lots of them and I watch movies, lots of them. I have preferences which are the genres I like. I don’t even walk out of my preferred genre. When in busses or trains, when I keep my plugs in, I don’t have to engage in the conversation that my co-passengers are intending to do. But this one’s not a problem actually, but a benefit.

 

 

9) Whenever it comes to talking with professors for any academics purpose, I always push my friend in front of me. I become nervous when I have to talk with them. Pointing out queries, asking questions in the class are some things which I don’t do. While in a class if I find problem understanding some point which the professor is teaching, I would wait for anyone to ask it first. I don’t answer questions even if I know it. If no one asks the question, I’ll go home, turn around books and copies and solve it by entirely myself. I find teachers or professors scary for no reason at all. It’s tough being in my shoes, believe me.

 

10) The tenth problem which I find the toughest is writing this blog. I feel nervous while typing everything in here and worrying at every line, how will my readers take it? I am afraid if this blog isn’t liked by people then I won’t post blogs again :/ That’s the reason why I don’t post much.

Believe me, being an introvert is tough, along with all of its benefits and wonders. I was in High School, when all my friends have either left the school or have gone to other streams, while a few abandoned me for new friends. I became alone and was scared to talk with new people, fearing they will abandon me too. So I started preferring my own company more than theirs’ and realized that I have transformed………….for the greater good maybe!

_shirsaganguly

August’2019

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