Hey there, wonderful readers! Today, we’re diving into a topic that might hit close to home for some of you – trauma bonding with a narcissist. It’s a tough subject, but understanding it is a crucial step toward healing. Trauma bonding is a strong emotional connection that happens between two people, the other being an abusive or manipulative person. It’s reinforced by a toxic cycle of reward and punishment that keeps the victim emotionally tethered to the abuser.
So, what does trauma bonding with a narcissist do to a decent person? Let’s break it down:
Ever felt caught up in a confusing mix of emotions? Trauma bonding can be like that. Picture this: at first, the person seems to shower you with love and attention, making you feel attached to them. But as time goes on, that love starts playing hard to get and even turns twisted! Suddenly, they become harsh, distant, and cold. You may find yourself questioning what went wrong and feeling an overwhelming urge to constantly please them in hopes of rekindling their love. But love shouldn’t be conditional; it’s supportive, consistent, and kind. It shouldn’t feel like you have to jump through hoops to keep someone’s affection.
Decent people, like you, often have a strong moral compass and a genuine desire for connection. Unfortunately, narcissists exploit these traits to manipulate you. Because they desire control and lack empathy, they’ll gladly gaslight you and trample on your sense of self-worth to get what they want. And slowly but surely, you may find yourself losing touch of who you are without them.
Ever feel like your friendships are slipping away? You used to have a vibrant social life and plenty of people who cared about you, but now you feel all alone. But here’s the thing: this sense of isolation is a sneaky tactic often used by narcissists. Driven by a need to control you, they subtly distance you from the important people in your life to make you more emotionally dependent on them. It’s tough, but recognizing this pattern is the first step to reclaiming those lost connections and learning to stand on your own again.
Deceptively charming and charismatic, narcissists have a knack for making you feel like you’re the center of the universe. When they shower you with love and approval, it feels like you’re on cloud nine. But when they switch to manipulation and control, it’s like the floor drops out from under you. Because beneath their facade, narcissists are entirely self-absorbed, self-interested, and devoid of empathy. And being trapped on their emotional rollercoaster can leave you feeling drained, anxious, and always on edge.
Guilt and Shame
Ever caught yourself saying sorry to a narcissist for things you didn’t even do? Or maybe you found yourself shouldering the blame for things that aren’t your fault? Decent people often have a strong sense of responsibility and empathy. But a narcissist preys on these qualities, manipulating situations to make you feel guilty or ashamed. They know how to twist situations to make you the bad guy, all while they’re pulling the puppet strings from behind the curtain.
But why does this happen to decent people? Well, it’s because decent people often see the good in others. They believe in second chances and try to understand the reasons behind someone’s behavior. Narcissists are like emotional chameleons, adapting to be exactly what you want them to be, at least temporarily.
So, what’s the way out?
Breaking free from trauma bonding isn’t easy, but it’s possible. First things first, recognize the pattern. Understand that it’s not your fault, and you’re not alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can offer support and guidance. Then reconnect with your own needs and desires, rediscovering the person you were before the narcissistic trauma bond.
Practice self-compassion. Remember that you deserve healthy, genuine connections. Trauma bonding might leave scars, but with time, self-care, and a strong support system, you can begin to heal and reclaim your life. You are resilient, and there is strength within you that can weather any storm. Most importantly, you are worthy of love and respect.
- Carter, L. [Surviving Narcissism]. (2022 Feb 8). THIS Is What Trauma Bonding With A Narcissist Does To A Decent Person [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tPaTyy1zgM&t=26s