When Depression Becomes Normal


Living your whole live with depression will trick your mind into thinking that depressive symptoms are normal. It becomes engraved into your ‘self’. It becomes a part of who you are. It feels natural to be fatigued, empty, lifeless, and lonely. You get used to seeing the world in gray tones. You grow accustomed to survival and being defensive and obsessive of your emotions. You don’t realize how you’ve shifted in negativity, and pessimism. You don’t recognize that you have become addicted to overthinking and suffering. Happiness feels foreign, so you sabotage good situations. You run from happiness because somehow depression has convinced you that life will take it away.

depression Insomnia, nightmares, headaches, stomachaches, back pain, muscle tension, weight gain and weight loss become the norm. You develop an obsession with food and some days you are disgusted by it. You frequently devour everything in your fridge trying to fill in that whole in your heart. While occasionally your distaste toward food is so intense you end up vomiting.

Eventually, you start to cover up your emotions. To hide what’s is going on and when you do, suddenly, it feels satisfying to not have to explain yourself to the world. You prefer to hide in your own dark and treacherous mind. You suppress your suffering with fake smiles and laughter. You crack jokes with your friends and family. You act cheerful and happy. All in a dire attempt to hide that side of yourself that you hate. That part that yourself, that has convinced you of your worthlessness.

depression You become one with depression and don’t notice there is a different way of living. You don’t perceive how much your destructive habits are taking a toll. You can’t see past the blindfold over your eyes. When those around you take notice of your depression, you act defensive. When loved ones become worried and question your behavior. You feel attacked and misunderstood. When this happens, you feel so vulnerable that you unconsciously put the blame on others. You don’t own up to your depression because it is deeply rooted inside.

It has persuaded you to believe it is not there. By convincing you it is the external world. That people are evil and have ill intentions. You become certain that if you don’t protect yourself, there will be greater suffering. You conclude that the human race is hostile, dangerous, and unforgiving. You observe the world with revulsion. You feel on edge, and sometimes your mind snaps. Suddenly, the everything appears unreal and ending your life seems like a brilliant idea. Yet you blame the world because you can’t accept your depression.

depression You become aware of your two options. One is to end your life and two is to hold onto hope. Even though there is a part of you attached to the darkness there is another side holding onto dear life. Acknowledge the side that is yearning for happiness. Accepting your depression is no easy task, but I promise. If you do your life will change for the better. Viewing your behavior with different eyes can be overwhelming. Questioning your irrational beliefs will make you feel angry. I implore you to use the anger to fuel your journey to recovery. It shouldn’t be normal to live with depression and all the symptoms that you have become accustomed to shouldn’t rule your life. You can live happy despite having depression.

This is my personal point of view. It’s what I have noticed in myself throughout the years. Do you feel the same about depression? Have you experienced it differently? Let me know in the comment section below.

Related: Depression Taught Me To Love Myself More / Depression Almost Took My Life / Depression Made Me Compassionate

Checkout Psych2Go’s book about Mental Health Recovery:

depressionCheck it out here: Mental Illness Recovery Book, “Something I truly enjoyed about this book is the simplicity and the variety of stories which are all focusing in one subject; mental illness. It’s amazing to see how this book connects each story to one another and to the reader. It provides a direct insight of living with mental illness and tips on how to overcome some disorders. If you feel lost, or if you want to help a friend or family member then this is the book for you.” -Carelyn

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  1. I live with that demon for 4 years.. maybe more. Its been so long.. I cant really tell what is me and what is depression. A lot of people asked me what is like to be depressed? I found no words that would explain them what it feels like. Now, after reading this, I have some idea how to explain them what it feels like. Tho i think depression has many forms, this article gives an idea what its like to live with that demon inside you. Thank you for sharing this with the world.

    1. Yeah, depression is tricky. Although there is a set of symptom, every goes through it differently. I’m glad this article helped you.

  2. Oh goodness, this is very true. Back when I had some pretty bad depression, being happy felt… Strange, and at the time I wasn’t even sure I liked it. Depression and being sad felt normal, more secure, and something I could rely on, so I found myself sometimes wishing I would just be sad again because I knew I wouldn’t be happy forever.

    1. Omg, me too. Even now that I am a whole lot better, I feel that feeling sad is better. So, I just tell myself to not believe my depression.

  3. I’ve had it since I was 12. Everything you wrote is 100% me. It’s better to be gone more than anything. Anthony Burdane thought so, Robin Williams did, and many other people. Thank you for reading my b.s.

  4. for some reason i thought that i liked being the empty depressed person that i am . i liked it when i cried mostly bcuz i was emotionless person that made me feel like i had something i had emotion for god sake

  5. I have lived with this for 16 years. It has become part of me, it has become me. I do not recall anymore how it feels to be genuinely happy. I have lost the ability to have a true smile, true happiness, true emotions. I have become a shell. An animated facade that imitates feelings i am supposed to feel. I have seen through pictures how my face used to smile, to gradually see how the smile slowly vanished, muscle after muscle, until all that was left is a hollow half smile. I am like a stick, shoved in the ground in a vast, barren land that used to be filled with color. I have become a book with empty pages. I have become a human shell, chained to nothing but unable to see it is free. i have become, my depression.

  6. Depression has just become my normal, and I have no idea where to begin to break out of it. Any advice?

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