This article is designed for educational purposes and is not to determine whether a relationship is good or bad. Only you, as readers, can decide that for yourselves. If you suspect that your relationship is going bad, then try to talk to your partner about how you are feeling or a close friend who you can trust.
Meeting new people can be exciting! Getting to know somebody and enjoying their company is part of the dating game, with the intention of being in a committed relationship. Sometimes what that means to people will vary and there is no right or wrong answer.
However, do you find yourself falling hard for someone in the early stages of a relationship, only to become disappointed? Do you question whether this person is the right ‘one’ for you? Or even if there is such a thing as the ‘one’? Do you feel as though you are no longer sure about your partner or has something happened which has changed your perception of who they are? It is perfectly normal to have these thoughts and sometimes, relationships can be good in the beginning but slowly over time, can become ‘bad’. So what happens to cause these questions?
Here are seven reasons why good relationships turn bad.
Unchecked emotional baggage
There is a saying ‘out with the old and in with the new.’ Wouldn’t it be easier if that saying was always true? People often describe a new relationship as a “fresh start,” however that is usually not entirely true. All of us carry wounds we’ve received in life as children, in previous relationships, or in the trenches of modern society. This can cause issues when allowing room for new people to enter our lives. To succeed in a new love relationship, partners must be willing to sift through the baggage and put the work in to get over a painful past. If either partner cannot do this, then this suggests that they are not ready for a commitment and can turn potentially good relationships bad.
When non-negotiable are not met.
Non -negotiables (otherwise known as ‘deal breakers’) are core values that a person requires to have in a relationship in order to be happy. If one is not met in a relationship, the relationship will fail in every case according to amiethedatingcoach.com (2017). Even if you feel like there are things you can deal with or get past, the reality is, that it is likely that you will start to resent your partner just because they haven’t met one off you deal-breakers.
Dishonesty and deception
Ever heard the saying “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame own us both”?Lies destroy a crucial component of any relationship: trust. Sometimes lies can be an isolated incident which could be forgiven, but if this keeps happening, then it is considered to be a red flag! If people feel the need to lie and be deceptive, it can make you question their character and their own emotional health. It is possible that they have their own insecurities and questionable moral standards. If your partner is willing to lie to you once, they are likely to do it again and this can turn a relationship bad.
The chemical desire lessens.
Ever wondered why you experienced a rush of adrenaline or feel ‘high’ when you start dating somebody new? Newly “love struck” couples have high levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine and this chemical stimulates “desire and reward” by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. Research has shown that it has the same effect on the brain as cocaine! When it comes to the chemistry of love, things do not always last long, so the key to keeping a good relationship, is to understand that some of what you both may be feeling is chemical and that it may lessen over time. You are then left with the relationship that you choose whether it is good or bad.
Being too clingy and controlling.
Feel like you don’t have any breathing space at times? Few relationships are able to survive extreme jealousy, possessiveness, codependence, or manipulative and controlling behaviour. This type of behaviour can be a form of domination and food not allow the freedom for people to be themselves. This can impact the thriving of a good relationship and quickly turn it from good to bad.
There is too much distance.
Feeling like there is too much distance between where you are and where they are in life? This can be frustrating, especially when two people get along amazingly well and the only thing between them is being in different stages of their lives. It is possible that one person is ready to settle down, but the other is thinking more about their career. Maybe one person is seeking more of commitment but the other is scared of commitment because they have been hurt in the past. As they say, timing is everything and there is no right or wrong. When deciding on a partner, exploring each others life vision to see if your paths are similar, will play an important role. Remember, people’s visions are not static and can change which can be tough to overcome if they don’t align. This can be the deciding factors to whether a good relationship could go bad.
People stop trying with each other.
In the beginning of the relationship, things are new and exciting. People arrange dates and get dressed up in order to impress each other. As relationships progress, people become more comfortable and settled; although this is not necessarily a bad thing, it can cause complacency. Partners are less inclined to make the same effort that they did before. This can be a fatal error as both partners have to give in a relationship, and that means sharing responsibilities, thinking up date ideas, and providing dinner (Why Did My Relationship End?, 2012).
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5 Reasons Why Good Relationships Go Bad | eharmony Advice. (2016, January 21). Eharmony Advice. https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/relationships/5-reasons-why-good-relationships-go-bad/
Amiethedatingcoach.Com (2017). https://www.amiethedatingcoach.com/why-relationships-go-bad
Why Did My Relationship End? (2012). Shape. Retrieved October 24, 2020, from https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-and-love/5-reasons-good-relationships-go-bad?slide=6880476a-331a-48f3-8f88-764c7b75f651#6880476a-331a-48f3-8f88-764c7b75f651