Falling in Love at a Bad Time: An Excuse or a Legit Reason?

“It’s bad timing” is a frequent explanation that is highly used in the dating world…ya know, by the promiscuous gal who wants to make full usage of the “young, wild and free” mentality and the guy trying make it big by chasing after his dreams.

Is it a convenient (pathetic) excuse or merely a legit reason? A vast number of us stumble into those almost-relationships-but-not-quite-a-relationship type of deal.

Personal Deets: I met this fella whom I shared remarkable chemistry with and although there were a few unfortunate situational factors from the get go, he quickly dismissed them. Having the impression that he wanted something long-term, I invested my attention into him. Well…halfway through, he randomly alters his mentality and declares: “I would be very open to pursuing a relationship but it’s bad timing… we live too far. I want to finish all my educational goals and establish myself career wise first.” Being the strong educational and career advocate I am, I fully empathize his reasoning; however, I very much felt that he strung me along. I have a no excuses mindset and I was willing to make it work. But…what was I unwilling to do? Chase after a guy. We still continue to speak, hangout and talk as if we were in a relationship but it’s clearly known that it won’t happen. I don’t give him everything I would give to a boyfriend and that’s where it gets difficult: the line is a blur. I tried letting go multiple times, but I can’t seem to quite yet. When will I?

If you met someone you had extraordinary chemistry with but it was “bad timing”, what would you do? Let’s put it this way: would you ever turn a girl/guy you were really into because of “bad timing”?

A few instances where bad timing is frequent would be: they just exited a relationship, still sprung over their ex, they’re chasing their dreams, potentially moving away, they’re focusing on other components of their life, etc.

I’m not declaring that timing is NEVER the real reason; there are some rare instances in which timing or situational factors do severely affect the outcome of a relationship. However, I strongly feel many people overuse the phrase as a way to make themselves appear like they weren’t too lazy to pursue the opportunity. If two people REALLY desire one another, they will both put in effort to maintain and pursue the relationship. It’s definitely possible that after an attempt at trying, that it might just fail; however, at least you can walk away with enough dignity to proudly say you gave it your all.

Now, I’ve definitely learned one valuable lesson with the nearly one year “relationship/friendship” with the above guy. If one were to utilize the “we’re super into each other but it’s just bad timing…maybe in the future”, it will be VERY hard to move on. He informs me he wants us to last until I meet someone else and then, in the near future, he will hit me up when he’s ready for a relationship. I’ve been on over 10 dates and it hasn’t produced any long-term success. Why, do you ask? Because I’m still unintentionally holding onto that hope that we will work out. You know, the whole if-I-wait-it-out-a-little-longer-we-will-be; you know, maybe he’ll change his mind eventually. Well when will it be right? How can he say “maybe in the future” when he’s well aware that the chance of us meeting someone else is remarkably high? Don’t we all have certain factors in our present life that could make timing “wrong”? What separates some people from the rest? Effort. Effort is what separates some from others. 

A writer on glamour.com shares that “bad timing” is always a lie, because “…timing can be circumvented. It’s my true and honest belief that when you fall for someone, no matter how fast it feels, you will do anything, come hell or high water, to make a relationship with that person work.”

A 30 year-old social media professional named Tom used bad timing as an excuse after a very dramatic break up. “I was pretty wounded in the wake of the break-up, so it would have been difficult to be a caring and thoughtful partner to another woman during those times,” he says. “But [saying there was bad timing] felt like a simpler, more humane way to break things off, even if it wasn’t the whole truth. [but when girls started using that excuse to me] it was mostly frustrating, because I got the sense they didn’t like me for other reasons and were just saying that cause it felt simpler and more humane. In other words, they were doing what I had done, and turns out it’s not as humane as I had come to think.”

On the other hand, let’s explore the idea that timing is EVERYTHING in a potential relationship. A writer on 30sanbeyond.wordpress.com states that men will put off commitment until they accomplish what they want as individuals. He further goes on to state that love is something we all desire; however, like most things in life, they take time and preparation. One cannot enter a relationship unprepared for the course; those that succeed at relationships are the ones who have developed their own method of dating. “You can’t measure your ability to finish the race based on the speed of those around you” he finishes off with.

What do ya’ll think? Is bad timing something that always seems to hinder a blossoming relationship or is it a convenient excuse? I’d love to any stories and insights about your own personal experience!

Xoxo,

Chrissy

http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/advice/why-its-just-bad-timing-is-always-a-lie/

http://30sandbeyond.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/is-bad-timing-a-reality-or-just-an-excuse/

http://ask.metafilter.com/88539/Is-Timing-Actually-Everything

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