Love, Defining the Passion

Love may be one of the most complex emotions we humans experience in our lifetimes. It takes, it gives; love has always found ways to take our breath away, in moments we never thought would be possible. Even the most greatest of poets had trouble desribing that warm, fuzzy feeling we all get when we look into the eyes of our beloved.

Love, in one form or another is familiar to all people, and yet what exactly is “Love”? When asked to describe what love is, it’s easy to describe the feelings and emotions we have which could be considered as love. But how do we exactly do we define it? Over the years many psychologist such as Elaine Hatfield, Robert Sternberg and Signmund Freud have contributed lots to the study of passion. In this article, we will be lightly covering two of many theories that pertain to the definition and divisions of love.

In 1973, a man by the name of John Alan Lee first introduced his theory on the “Six Styles of Love”. One of many interesting and debatable theories on love, Lee described that through these six styles of love, he would be able to accurately categorize men and women to fit into each division. And that like the colour wheel, love is composed of three primary styles:

Eros: Loving the ideal of a person both physically and emotionally.

Ludos: A type of love that is played as a game or conquest. (Could result in many partners at one time.)

Storge: Love that stems from friendship over time.

And just like the colour wheel, these three styles of love, can be combined to create complimentary colours. Resulting in three secondary styles of love.

Mania: A combination of Eros and Ludos, Mania is a style of love that is obsessive. This includes emotional highs and lows, jealousy, and very possesive feelings.

Pragma: A combination of Ludos and Storge, Pragma is a love that is practical. Lovers go into a situation with the hopes of reaching their final goal. With results that are not limited too the thought of practicality and reality.

Agape: A combitation of Eros and Storge, Agape is a love that is all-encompassing and selfless. “True love”.

But even with these different types of love, it doesnt exactly help to define the true meaning. In 2004 a man named Robert Sternberg introduced, “The Triangular Theory of Love”. Sternberg believed that love, in its truest form could be broken down into three parts: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Intimacy: Closeness both physically and psychologically.

Passion: Feeling of sexual arousal and attraction between the two individuals. a euphoria of being together and being close.

Commitment: The desire to remain loyal and commited to another person in a long-term relationship.

And by using these three “componants of love”, we would be able to make a check list using Sternburgs own seven types of love. Though it may be complicated at first and easy way of taking a first look would be through the following chart.

Non-love refers simply to the lack of all three components of love. Non-love Refers to the everyday casual relationship we have in our lives.

Liking/Friendship refers to the set of feelings one experiences in friendship. A bond or closeness that has no underlining feelings of passion or commitment.

Infatuated love results from the experience of making love. Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops. But without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.

Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion but is still a strong commitment and bond between two people.

Romantic love: A combination of the intimacy and the passionate components of love, romantic lovers are not only drawn physically to each other but are also bonded emotionally, though they are not full commited to each other.

Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. For example a couple who has been together so long that they no long feel the passion they once had. But still have a intimate, and commited relationship. This type of love might also be characterized by a “brotherhood”, or “sisterhood”.

Fatuous love is a type of love that features passion and commitment but lacks intimacy. An example being a brief or impluse marriage.

Consummate love: The most complete form of love. represented by an ideal relationship which all couples should strive towards. Consummate love features intimacy, commitment, and passion. But although this is the optimal love to have, Sternberg claimed that once consummate love was achieved, it would be harder to maintain and may not be perminant. If, for example, passion is lost over time, then the consummate love would turn into companionate love.

Sternberg believed that the balance between intimacy, passion, and commitment would shift throughout the span of the relationship. And that by understanding the three components of love and the seven types, it would help couples recognize what they need to improve upon, what they should avoid, and even when a relationship as run its course.

This warm and pleasant feeling we share may have its ups and downs, but there is something uniqe and addicting about love that no other feeling can quite compare. Love brings tears to monsters and strength to the weak. It builds and breaks, sometimes leaving us as empty as the day we were born, but love never stops surprising us. So whether it be Lee or Sternburg, it doesnt matter, because I believe that the true definition of love, will always lie just beyond the tounge.

Leave a comment on what you think true love is! Do you believe in first sight? Have you never felt love’s cold embrace? Let me know in the comments below!

Sources and Additional Information:

Lee, John A., (1973). Colours of Love. Retrieved from http://www.psychologycharts.com/six-love-     styles.html.

Regan, J. (2002). General Theories of Love. Retrieved from      http://uk.sagepub.com/sites/default/files/upm-binaries/3222_ReganChapter1_Final.pdf

Long-Crowell, E. Retrieved from http://study.com/academy/lesson/sternbergs-triangular-theory-of-love-definition-examples-predictions.html