No Sex Before Monogamy: Yes or No?

Christina Tran

Bravo has a hit reality show that centers on Patti Stanger’s Millionaire Matchmaker service. In this show, the overly sassy, sailor mouth and stern middle aged woman aids millionaires-from celebrities to successful businessman-in their search for love. From “fixing” their emotional and physical flaws to interviewing potential suitors for her clientele, Stanger comes from a generation of highly successful matchmakers. I am not one too normally boost about reality tv shows but Stanger is a character-she definitely has a deep psychological understanding of love, dating, relationships and sex. This quirky woman constantly emphasizes two rules that all of her clients must abide by and her most popular being: no sex before monogamy.

Let us explore into this rule, shall we? After this article, hopefully readers will be capable of determining if this easier said than done rule should be applied to their dating life (forget these rules if you are purely looking for casual sex and if so, do whatever it is you crave to do).

No sex before monogamy is an ideology that if one withholds from the physical aspects early on, it will provide for a more solid foundation to develop a strong mental connection. Kissing and making out is permitted however, oral or penetrative sex is an absolute no-no. According to a post on, “[i]t’s the kind of statement that makes women believe in magic, and men cringe at the possibility of follow through. But it’s science. Sexual science.”

Regardless of whether or not he wants a fling or something serious, men cannot help that they are visual creatures and crave sex (although some do withhold for various reasons such as religion). When sex is introduced, it changes the entire dynamic of a relationship. Now think about this: what do we cherish more: something we had to work extremely hard for or something that came to us easily? Most likely the object we invested a great deal of time, effort and money into. More effort we give in = more valuable something becomes.

Stanger is not informing us to play mind games, of course not. She is sharing the wisdom that dating, while fun, also requires discipline to get it right. Discipline and a high standard is not a mind game. Anything that comes easy to us will quickly result in our interest lost. Although one might say that it is never “too early” for sex, their actions will say otherwise. Men are natural born hunters-they like the chase. Many women can share a story or two of how men would stop contacting them once they gave up the sex too early on. Once men catch their prey, they will move on if there is no strong mental connection. Therefore, it all ties back to the idea that one should withhold from sex until monogamy cause by then, a deep mental connection would have been established already.






No Sex before Monogamy

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