The Ever So Popular Coffee Date

Coffee dates. The usage of this dating style has become increasingly popular in today’s age-the method is affordable, easygoing and could easily fit into anyone’s schedule.

Many individuals continuously propose the idea of grabbing coffee as a first date; this technique is especially utilized in the world of online dating as it’s a safe and cheap way to meet someone for the first time face to face. It’s known to be an easy way to detect chemistry, or a simple way to bail out of a failed 30 minute convo exchange.

Personal deets: I have been on one coffee date and prior to attending the date, I knew that wasn’t my ideal setting. After the very unsuccessful date, I contemplated for many days that if we choose a different activity, would the date have been successful? We both thought we would hit it off VERY WELL but boy, we were wrong. Needless to say, I started to draw reasons behind why coffee dates fail.

The problem with this concept is very simple: it’s just TOO cheap and easygoing. Where’s the creativity? Where’s the courtship? Where’s the excitement? There really isn’t any.

1) It lacks the creativity. I wouldn’t even call a coffee date a real date- it’s more of a pre-date.  A “test” to see if one is good enough to take on a real date. How can one possibly make a lasting impression this way?

Add a little inventiveness! Surprise her: take her to that musuem she expressed interest in always wanting to visit, take her somewhere you know she would love to go again or take her somewhere she suggests would be a great date. You’re a man-so take initiative and plan it out. Utilize Yelp!!! Put a little thought and creativity into it-looking up the local Starbucks and texting her the address? That doesn’t scream thoughtful or creativity, whatsoever.

A man’s originality depicts a vast amount of his character. Women don’t really care about location, they care more about the effort. I went on a date a few months ago in which yes, it was the typical movie and dinner combo but also, he went out of his way to do something very thoughtful. He took me to a shooting range-something I’ve never done, but always expressed interest in doing! Talk about an attentive and thoughtful planner!

2) Not the right setting. A coffee shop is not the correct environment for any date, more specifically a first date. Coffee shops are for people who like to grab a drink in a hurry or if they need to, have a small business meeting or study for their finals. Coffee shops are way too easygoing to really develop any sort of connection with another person romantically.

For first dates, choose a setting where you can engage in conversation about each other, as well as discuss the activity itself. First dates are already nerve-wrecking as it is, so it’s nice to leave room to explore topics relating to the activity you two are partaking in. For example, museum/concert/rave: “So,  are you a big fan of this artist/concept/club/area? What’s your take on it?”, dinner:  “When’s the last time you had food like this?” or bowling: “Are you big into sports? How athletic would you say you are?” These questions will help you get a glimpse into her interests, personality and lifestyle (and break the ice, if you must).

3) It’s way too cheap. Please do not assume that I am declaring men need to take woman to a $100 steak dinner or an overly priced concert. Being a broke college student myself, I am fully aware of how costly a date could be and how many people nowadays just don’t have that financial security to be busting out hundreds per month. There are infinite ways to create an exciting date without breaking the bank. Like I’ve said previously, yelp yelp yelp! A few affordable suggestions would be: ice skating, miniature golfing, (one ride) go karting, museums, cool neat food adventures, bowling, etc. After this activity-which will cost around $20-$30- you can save a few bucks and opt out of dinner and take her to frozen yogurt or ice cream.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: most women do not want to declare how much effort they put into their external appearance…we like to give off an impression that we woke up like this. However, I will be completely honest with you. Natural beauty or not, a majority of women spend a great deal of money, time and effort into prepping for their dates (at least, my girlfriends do). It takes most women AT LEAST one hour to prepare: hair, nails, makeup, outfit, etc. Therefore, if a woman is spending at least a hour (more so probably 2-3 hours) in an effort to present herself well for you, shouldn’t men be taking them out to more than a $3 coffee date?

A writer on chocolatevent.com also brings another good point: she implies that a man is judged by his choice of date activity. If a man takes her out to coffee, she assumes he’s “not big into commitment, casual and I’ll say it again, cheap. Why won’t you ask me out to lunch and not coffee…It certainly won’t impress me enough to go out with you on a second date.”

To conclude, I am by no means trying to force anyone to entirely stop utilizing the whole “Hey let’s grab coffee” approach. If it’s working for you, hey continue to do so! However, I hope this post sheds some light on why coffee dates aren’t favorable from my experience, and the experience of another female.

With that said, has anyone ever been on a coffee date? How was it? Did it led to success or would you have much rather utilized a different setting?

Xoxo,

Chrissy

Sources:

http://chocolatevent.com/2013/12/06/why-i-dont-do-coffee-dates/

http://elitedaily.com/dating/coffee-dates-shouldnt-exist-anymore/