10 Signs of Emotional Pain

As human beings, we all experience emotional pain. Emotional pain molds the way we respond and interact with the world, in both good and bad ways.

Emotional pain does not always manifest as a mental illness. It can emerge in behavioral and relational patterns that can get in the way of finding personal happiness or balance in our lives. Becoming aware of our emotions and reactions to stress and pain can be instrumental to developing healthy relationships and maintaining or improving our mental health.

Signs of emotional pain can be subtle behaviors that we may take for granted. Emotional pain is a broad term that could apply to a wide array of painful emotional experiences. Therefore, the signs may look different for each individual.

Here are 10 signs of emotional pain to explore in yourself or others:

1. Excessive altruism

Altruism is an admirable trait that can improve the quality of life for others. However, the selflessness involved with altruism can lead to self-neglect.

Excessive altruism can be motivated by psychological scars, even if we don’t realize it. If you are used to having your personal needs ignored by others, putting others first may be all you know. Excessive altruism can also be indicative of the desire to have help and affection returned to us. You may believe that by engaging in altruism, you earn the opportunity to be on the receiving end of altruism (Kos, n.d.).

2. Micromanaging

Micromanaging is often seen as a personality trait. However, micromanaging also communicates a need for control and difficulty trusting others. There was likely a time where you felt out of control of your environment and you micromanage to compensate for that.

Micromanaging can lead to more emotional pain as it can alienate the people around us that we are trying to control. Therefore, it is important to address the root of our trust issues and the need for control that can emerge for these psychological scars.

 3. Isolation

Humans are social creatures who need interpersonal contact to learn and grow. However, emotional pain often springs from relational conflict or trauma. Isolation can become a coping strategy that creates a perceived sense of safety.

Without social contact or support, we can become our own worst enemy. Isolating ourselves from others can also intensify unhealthy thinking patterns which are challenging to break free from on our own.

 4. Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a common cognitive distortion that can drive unrealistic standards. Those with emotional pain derive feelings of self-worth from being perfect which is a heavy burden to carry. This burden can lead to excessive people-pleasing or over-achievement at all costs.

5. Ruminating about your problems

Everyone responds to emotional pain differently. Some may dissect their problems while others may seek ways to suppress their feelings. Rumination happens when you replay a situation in your mind repeatedly. Rumination can be helpful for problem-solving, however, analyzing a situation or emotion beyond what we can control can be damaging. Those who fall into thought patterns of rumination are also more likely to face issues with depression and anxiety (Selby, 2010).

6. Forming toxic relationships

Emotional pain can stem from an abusive relationship. Being a victim of abuse can lead to a vicious cycle of toxic patterns and behaviors in relationships. Whether you are an abuser or a victim of abuse in a relationship, emotional wounds often drive the cycle of toxic and abusive relationships.

7. Constantly rushing and worrying

Being in a constant state of busyness or panic is often a sign of internal pain. Low self-esteem and fears of failure often accompany being in a perpetual state of busyness. Feeling like you need to prove yourself or to ensure you will not fail can fuel an unhealthy work-life balance and even workaholism.

8. Physical pain or other ailments

Our bodies hold the stress and pain we may not know how to explain. In clinical terms, emotional distress that is expressed through physical symptoms is known as somatization (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 2017). We have all experienced somatization at some point in our lives. Feeling butterflies in our stomach ache due to nervousness or feeling our muscles tense up during stress are both forms of somatization.

Some trauma and pain can be suppressed in our bodies to the extent that we suffer from chronic health concerns such as headaches, stomach aches, or nausea. We may seek help for our physical health before we address emotional suffering that could be at the root.

9. Listening to depressing music

Listening to music can be a powerful way to de-stress. However, only being attracted to “broken heart” music can be an indicator that dark or depressing themes also match our internal state (Kos, n.d.).

Sad music can be an addictive coping strategy that may fuel feelings of despair rather than distract from it. In this way, listening to different types of music can a way to experience other emotions and themes besides heartbreak or sadness.

10. Angry outbursts or frequent mood swings

Anger is a normal reaction to being hurt or betrayed. When we accumulate emotional pain throughout our lives, any situation that goes differently than what we expect can trigger emotional flashbacks. Along with anger, we can also experience shame, doubt, fear, and guilt in response to emotional distress. These crippling emotions can fuel angry outbursts or mood swings (5 signs of emotional pain, n.d.).

These signs are all behaviors we have seen in ourselves and others before. While we may not identify with all the signs, it is important to reflect upon how painful experiences or memories have shaped our coping behaviors and even personalities. Many of these signs can only worsen our pain, especially when we suppress our feelings or push away positive sources of support. Acknowledging our emotions is a collective struggle. While this process starts with being honest with ourselves, sharing these struggles with others can be a significant way to build resilience and emotional strength.

References

5 signs of emotional pain (2020). Power of Positivity. https://www.powerofpositivity.com/5-signs-emotional-suffering//

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. (2017, Dec). Physical symptoms of emotional distress: Somatic symptoms and related disorders. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Physical_Symptoms_of_Emotional_Distress-Somatic_Symptoms_and_Related_Disorders.aspx

Kos, B. (n.d.). 20 not so obvious indicators of emotional pain and psychological suffering. Agile Lean Life. Retrieved fromhttps://agileleanlife.com/soft-indicators-of-emotional-pain/

Selby, E. A. (2019). Rumination: problem-solving gone wrong. Psychology Today.Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-self-sabotage/201002/rumination-problem-solving-gone-wrong

Whitbourne Krauss, S. (2013). 7 practical strategies to overcome emotional pain. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201310/7-practical-strategies-overcome-emotional-pain