10 Things That Sabotage Friendships

Have you ever had a friendship end that you wish hadn’t? Have you ever lost friends without really understanding why?

Sometimes friends grow apart over time. We change a lot as we grow up and, as a result, might become far too different to ever stay friends with the same people. It’s painful to say goodbye to people you’ve come to care so much about, especially if they’ve played such an important part of your journey to becoming who you are today. But that’s just the way things are sometimes – things fall apart, and it isn’t really anyone’s fault.

Other times, however, friendships are ruined because of mistakes we’ve made and never really atoned for. No matter how strong or stable your relationship with your friend is, there are certain things that can cause your friendship to fall apart without meaning to. If you find yourself wondering why so many of your friendships don’t work out, here are 10 things that sabotage friendships:

1. Lack of Communication

Most people aren’t comfortable telling their friends off for the things they do wrong. Usually, they prefer to ignore the problem and pretend like it isn’t there, but if it keeps happening over and over again, you need to acknowledge it and talk things over with them. You might feel shy or awkward at first, but you need to be open with your friends about these things. Otherwise, it can foster resentment, tension, and discomfort if you simply go on acting as if everything’s okay when it really isn’t.

2. Lack of Appreciation

How often do you tell your friends you love them, or that you’re glad they’re around? Do you thank them for all the favors and nice things they do for you? You should! All relationships need a certain level of appreciation to survive, and there needs to be a fair balance of give-and-take.If your friends feel too unappreciated, they may stop making the effort to be there for you and start to feel like they are being taken advantage of.

3. Jealousy/Rivalry

Truth be told, it’s actually quite normal to be jealous of your friends sometimes, especially when you dislike being overshadowed by the people around you, but you shouldn’t letit get the better of you. Jealousy will do irreparable damage to any friendship, no matter how strong. Competing with them about everything, wanting to outdo them, refusing to supporting them in what they do, and not being happy for their success is no way to treat a friend.

4. Betrayal/Dishonesty

Imagine having the person you trust the most betray you by lying to you, deceiving you, or keeping secrets from you. That kind of hurt cuts deep, and it can drive a wedge between anyone, no matter how close or inseparable. After all, friendships should be built on a foundation of trust, and your relationship might not survive it if you break that trust. There are some things you may say or do that no amount of apologies can ever take back.

5. Refusing to Forgive

If your friend apologizes for hurting you or doing something wrong, you need to do your part by finding it in your heart to forgive them for it. There will be ups and downs, but as long as you both make the effort to move on from it, your friendship will be just fine in spite of it. However, if you hold grudges against them, start to resent them for it, and use their mistakes against them by bringing it up in every argument and refusing to let it go, it will surely ruin your relationship with them.

6. Not Spending Enough Time Together

It’s understandable if you’re too busy to spend time with your friends sometimes, whether it’s because your career, your studies, your love life, or other important priorities in your life. No matter how jampacked your schedule is, however, you need to carve some space in your life for your friends and give them a bit of your time. Talk to them on a regular basis and try to see them more often, because if you don’t, your friendships will wither from a lack of attention.

7. Spending Too Much Time Together

On the other hand, spending too much time with your friends can also be a problem as well, especially if you start to lose your sense of identity and prioritize your friendship above everything else. It’s not healthy to spend all your free time with your friends, because you should have other relationships, hobbies, and interests. By being too clingy and too needy, you aren’t giving your friends any room to breathe.

8. Possessiveness

Another way you may be sabotaging your friendships without realizing it is by being too possessive with them. Being too demanding of your friends’ time and attention is not something they will appreciate, especially if you are keeping them from the other important people in their lives. It’s not fair for you to want them to be at your beck and call all the time, because they will feel smothered by you and may even resent you for it.

9. Selfishness/Self-Centeredness

Focusing too much on yourself and not enough on your friends can easily ruin your friendships and make your friends turn against you. Do you spend most of your time together talking about you and what’s going on in your life? Are you constantly asking them to be there for you but don’t make the effort to do the same for them? This kind of unfair treatment surely won’t go unnoticed, and it’s only a matter of time before your friends’ patience wear thin and they’ll get fed up with your selfishness.

10. Arguing Too Much

Finally, arguing too much with your friends can push them away and cause them to grow tired of your friendship, especially if you do it constantly. While it’s only natural to disagree with them from time to time about certain things, it’s not healthy to do it so much and so often. Yelling at each other, calling them hurtful names, using their secrets against them, and humiliating them in front of other people

Do you relate with any of the things we’ve mentioned here? Do you struggle staying friends with people because of it? If you’ve committed any of these mistakes, don’t worry. There’s still time to save your friendship and make things right with them. What matters most is that you’re aware of the part you play in sabotaging your friendships, you acknowledge your mistakes, and you make an effort not to be a better friend from here on after.